Incentives (54)

Personally I loved this post - thank you

XxX

Brilliant perspective enquiring eyes and a hearty welcome to the boards!

I concur wholeheartedly with this approach and it is the one I employ most often when I have no idea what to do, I simply look to him and say 'what can I do that would help?' it is then up to him to say if he wants me to incentivise him, usually the answer is 'just be here', which, obviously I am happy to oblige with.

I think the whole incentivisation issue is fraught with pitfalls for me because it could be construed as 'manipulation' in some small way and then Master would be seriously disappointed, and, as Lady Alys so succinctly implied, I would not anticpate that he would play with me for a very long time, sincere contrition or no.

Every second of every hour of every day I am Number 3
Always

It's not something I would be interested in bringing into a relationship though, because incentives are conditional. Between adults they also suggest manipulation and bartering to me (although that is probably down to personal historical reasons). I'd much rather say something like “can I help in any way?”

In the context of a D/s relationship I'd be especially unlikely to spontaneously offer incentives. Usually the people issuing incentives are the ones with the power in a relationship e.g. parents, teachers, bosses. It would be difficult, maybe impossible, for me to change that association.

But if you are going to do it I hope you both enjoy it

"Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness".

You are like "Mr BDSM". You must be a hoot at parties. There is a world outside BDSM you know, and it's not all bad, you should try some. Females flirting is excersising being a woman. I don't want a sub losing touch of what it is to be a woman, no matter how much I want the feeling of control. If I wanted a mindless, sexless machine that simply did as I controlled with no play or fun or give and take, I'd date my car.

I'm not sure any of us are suggesting that flirting and indivuality need be lost within the context of the relationship, just that one might need to be more aware of ones motivation. Lying provocatively over the bonnet in stockings, suspenders and sexy shoes purring 'I'd just love to be driven somewhere secluded and fucked on the bonnet of your car, Master' Is hot and there is no obvious agenda beyond passion and fun, the Master may concur, he may not, he may make it happen, he may not, such is his role, a submissives role is to respond to his needs and desires and not to direct what those might be or how they might be undertaken.

Every second of every hour of every day I am Number 3
Always

This is so true. My partner and I did a workshop once about 24/7 D/s and someone in the audience asked us 'but when do you have fun?' We just grinned and my Mistress said, 'we are having fun *all* the time.'

D/s relationships can look quite serious and as Ms. Valentine said - we should take our meaningful relationships seriosuly! However, what might get missed is that the srious and high protocol exchange between Dom/me and sub is probably a lot of fun too. I love the ability of D/s to transform the mundane, or even the irritating into something fun. We enter these relationships because we enjoy this dynamic after all.

"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973

Hmmm....

I am not sure how you get from not choosing to try and get your partner to do something by offering up an incentive equating to being a mindless sex machine.

I can see what Chris is getting at - and personally I would not feel comfortable in offering up an incentive in order to get my dominant partner to do something. That doesn't, however, mean that a submissive cannot flirt and have (an enormous amount of) fun in such a Ds relationship - nor of course does it mean that they can't use their intellect.

Every Ds relationship will have its own nuances and structures - in some of those relationships offering up incentives as a submissive to get your partner to do something will be perfecly fine and dandy, in others its a no go. Can't see any problem with that personally.

'A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing'

For me there is a big difference in incentives for something that I want, and incentives for something that I know Daddy has to do, such as the MOT example.

The former to me is topping from bottom, whereas the latter is a lovely, fun, flirty part of our relationship that makes Daddy happy.

I'm wondering if the people who felt like incentives were a total no go, feel like this in both situations?

Jules XxX

You're manipulating him into doing something. That's a no go for me.

judy

I must be only one in a million (© David Bowie)

And if it makes you both happy it is absolutely right in your situation.

To me the be all and end all is both myself and a dominant partner being happy/fulfilled with the relationship. If you have found that holy grail then congrats - enjoy!

'A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing'