This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 25 Jun 09, 4:24 PM ConsciousnessJunkie UK(N), 5 yrs   |
I had to go and actually look up what belligerence means. My apologies, I'm a naturally confrontational and aggressive person. Can't help it. | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 4:40 PM TheFalconer UK(S), 6 yrs |
I think that part of the confusion in this thread has been coming from the fact that the OP is talking about a relationship where the sub has given up all rights over initiating sex, which is a relationship approach which is uncommon even within 24/7 D/s (which is itself uncommon amongst people on IC).
That said - as someone in that kind of relationship - it's still possible for subs to be flirty even then, they just have to be a bit more creative with it. Even if she just offering me things I could take/demand anyway, it's still nice to have it offered What she doesn't do though is try to use it as a bargaining chip to get me to do household chores - usually more to motivate me when we're already halfway through doing something like that. But then I think that's just something which is going to be unique to how different people manage their relationships. "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 4:56 PM saraxx UK, 7 yrs |
You think it is that rare? Goodness, seems perfectly normal and natural to me - but I guess someone with a major fetish for sleeping upside down in an all encompassing rubber straight jacket filled with itching powder would say the same thing.
'A woman, without her man, is nothing. | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 7:06 PM Intelligencia UK(GU), 4 yrs |
The way I interpret incentivisation is that one person would offer something to the other on condition that an activity was undertaken/completed by the person on the receiving end of the incentivistaion. I know that Master would interpret this as topping from the bottom and, as I say, if it works in your relationship, go for it! I imagine I would rapidly be dis-incentivised, and not in a good way! Every second of every hour of every day
I am Number 3 | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 7:52 PM Lady_Alys UK(RG), 6 yrs |
If you were looking to get punished, then it would a punishment (something you don't like) otherwise your 'bratting' would be rewarded and bad behavour encouraged? DoN't WaStE YoUR TiME On A MaN WhO Isn't WiLLiNG tO WasTe ThEiR tImE On You... | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 8:18 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
I'm submissive. I couldn't imagine being like that, saying that kind of thing. It would just feel completely wrong. Indeed I'd be disappointed if I weren't told - hey, what are you saying; I'll decide when we XYZ and it wouldn't be wrong if I got a slap too. But there are no rights or wrongs; if it works for you then that's fine. | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 9:25 PM crimsonsky UK, 6 yrs |
I can't imagine my submissive saying anything like that either. If he really wanted something from me, he'd beg and if I said no he would accept it because that's how it works for us. If it's part of your dynamic where the dom accepts or encourages you to behave in that way then you don't need anybody else's approval.
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| 25 Jun 09, 10:20 PM enquiring_eyes UK, 2 yrs |
Given that dominants are generally human just as subs are, (hoping she isn't bursting a secret here!) and so are presumably equally prone to having necessary tasks that they dislike in the reality of everyday life and being equally susceptible to incentivisation, the premise of the OP seems fairly reasonable to me.
As a newbie to posting here, I am a little surprised that no-one has yet suggested the solution that seems obvious to me (yep - probably showing my ignorance here, but that is how we learn....being shot down in flames! Surely it is all in the presentation. The sub could simply ask their dom what he/she would like them to do to help incentive-ise him (or her) to make it easier for him (ditto) to enjoy getting the 'unfavourite' task done. He/she may have their own ideas or perhaps ask the sub to be creative depending on the dynamic of the relationship....but I can't see how this would conflict with maintaining even a strict D/s dynamic. To my mind this would not be topping from the bottom but actually trying to simply be supportive.
Sits back and waits to be put right! | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 11:17 PM Miss_Lead UK(HP), 6 yrs |
Oh well put - I believe alot of submissives need to come to turn with this as they are dominant in their everyday life at times, and find it hard to jsut accept orders from another without wishing to have a say back.
It takes time to get to accepting but when they do, it is so very worth it.
Edited 11 May 10, 2:18 AM by Miss_Lead | ||
| 25 Jun 09, 11:30 PM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs    |
I haven't given up any rights in initiating sex. In fact I think my sex drive is so high, Daddy often wonders if I ever do anything else There is a huge difference in initiating sex and trying to help Daddy through a horrid task by incentivising the way one might in a vanilla relationship. Ultimately it works for us, and doesn't in any way upset our dynamic - so smiles all around here!!! XxX |
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