Incentives (54)

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Wed 24 Jun 09, 12:58 PM
jules9
UK(WA), 12 mths
In a vanilla relationship, it's quite common to be able to suggest that if your partner gets around to that long overdue task you will more than make it worth their while. Is this possible in a D/s relationship though?
It's all well and good me saying to Daddy, if you continue working hard and finish the car on time for it's MOT, we'll go any "play" on the beach, but in reality it's something he can take any time he wants.
It's not an attempt to top from bottom - these are things he would have to do anyway, more that I want to give him something to make him smile about as he works.
So can a sub give their Dom/me an incentive like this one, or is it just a waste of time due to the dynamics?
Jules XxX

24 Jun 09, 1:03 PM
MissFelicity
UK(SG), 3 yrs

jules9 wrote:
So can a sub give their Dom/me an incentive like this one, or is it just a waste of time due to the dynamics?
Jules XxX

Your relationship, you make the rules! I think it sounds fun personally.

24 Jun 09, 1:08 PM
Backdooruk
UK(BA), 10 yrs

jules9 wrote:
So can a sub give their Dom/me an incentive like this one, or is it just a waste of time due to the dynamics?
I can't see how an incentive can be considered anything other than control unfortunately. If you want to keep hold of the idea that you do not have authority over anything in your relationship I suggest meditating more or the role of acceptance for a submissive: acceptance that things don't always happen the way you want at the time you want (if that's how you wish your dynamic to proceed).
I've found the notion of acceptance most useful in D/s relationships, though it's largely an issue that a Submissive has to work through themselves without much help from their Dom.
- Chris
This is my voice, my weapon of choice
Edited 24 Jun 09, 1:09 PM by Backdooruk

24 Jun 09, 1:14 PM
MissFelicity
UK(SG), 3 yrs

Backdooruk wrote:
I can't see how an incentive can be considered anything other than control unfortunately. If you want to keep hold of the idea that you do not have authority over anything in your relationship I suggest meditating more or the role of acceptance for a submissive: acceptance that things don't always happen the way you want at the time you want (if that's how you wish your dynamic to proceed).
I've found the notion of acceptance most useful in D/s relationships, though it's largely an issue that a Submissive has to work through themselves without much help from their Dom.
- Chris

So if you're submissive it means you can't say flirty things like "when you've finished the washing up I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset..."
Gods sake, it's just flirting and a little fun! People take themselves too seriously!

24 Jun 09, 1:17 PM
JudyInDsGuise
UK(E), 7 yrs
MissFelicity wrote:

Backdooruk wrote:
I can't see how an incentive can be considered anything other than control unfortunately. If you want to keep hold of the idea that you do not have authority over anything in your relationship I suggest meditating more or the role of acceptance for a submissive: acceptance that things don't always happen the way you want at the time you want (if that's how you wish your dynamic to proceed).
I've found the notion of acceptance most useful in D/s relationships, though it's largely an issue that a Submissive has to work through themselves without much help from their Dom.
- Chris

So if you're submissive it means you can't say flirty things like "when you've finished the washing up I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset..."
Gods sake, it's just flirting and a little fun! People take themselves too seriously!
IMO it depends on if it's conditional. There's a difference between "when you've finished the washing up I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset" and "if you do that I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset".
judy
I must be only one in a million (� David Bowie)

24 Jun 09, 1:20 PM
MissFelicity
UK(SG), 3 yrs

JudyInDsGuise wrote:
IMO it depends on if it's conditional. There's a difference between "when you've finished the washing up I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset" and "if you do that I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset".
judy
Can see your point there. But perhaps a little messing around and not taking ourselves too seriously is good every now and again.
I could see how a comment like "If you do the washing up I'll be waiting for you" could end up in one chasing the other around the house and ending in a sweaty pile on the floor... so silliness and mock role reversal can be fun!

24 Jun 09, 1:21 PM
trillium
UK(N), 2 yrs

Depending on the relationship the Dom could order you to do what you offer anyway, but then the real incentive would be that the Dom knows you want something done and does it to make you happy, and/or would like you to do your suggested offer out of complete free will. Though if I know a Dom/Domme likes something I would find it difficult to not please them, whether they please me or not, I get the idea that there are lots of subs that get pleasure purely from pleasing others.
Symbols can never be what it is they represent.

24 Jun 09, 1:21 PM
JudyInDsGuise
UK(E), 7 yrs
MissFelicity wrote:
Can see your point there. But perhaps a little messing around and not taking ourselves too seriously is good every now and again.
I could see how a comment like "If you do the washing up I'll be waiting for you" could end up in one chasing the other around the house and ending in a sweaty pile on the floor... so silliness and mock role reversal can be fun!
I don't do silliness [wrt our dynamic] and mock role reversal, but I have fun anyway
judy
I must be only one in a million (� David Bowie)

24 Jun 09, 1:28 PM
Sirs_Froglet
UK(S), 20 mths

MissFelicity wrote:

JudyInDsGuise wrote:
IMO it depends on if it's conditional. There's a difference between "when you've finished the washing up I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset" and "if you do that I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset".
judy
Can see your point there. But perhaps a little messing around and not taking ourselves too seriously is good every now and again.
I could see how a comment like "If you do the washing up I'll be waiting for you" could end up in one chasing the other around the house and ending in a sweaty pile on the floor... so silliness and mock role reversal can be fun!
I agree that there is definitely room for fun in a D/s relationship. Sometimes, I think people look too deeply into what is said and forget that D/s is whatever you make it, and just because you offer to do something nice for your partner to make their work day a little lighter and brighter doesn't mean you're trying to 'top from the bottom' or whatever.

24 Jun 09, 1:40 PM
Backdooruk
UK(BA), 10 yrs

MissFelicity wrote:
So if you're submissive it means you can't say flirty things like "when you've finished the washing up I'll be waiting in the bedroom in your favourite corset..."
It depends on the nature of your relationship. I've been in kink relationships where that happened, certainly, but in others it wouldn't be dreamed of if said seriously (hopefully the OP wasn't simply talking about what is said in jest).
- Chris
This is my voice, my weapon of choice

24 Jun 09, 1:49 PM
jules9
UK(WA), 12 mths
As MissFelicity says, I was referring to the kind of flirty fun that most relationships enjoy. I would never dream of holding something back unless Daddy gave me what I wanted.
That said, I do think it's nice to turn on the minx in me and start offering things that I might normally do with some reluctance (begging for anal for example). He knows he can have it anyway, at any time, but the difference is in me being the one to instigate it, beg for it even.
We have a very relaxed relationship, and both of us enjoy pushing boundaries of typical "D/s", that said, he always has the final say - simply the way we both like it.
One thing I haven't done yet though is the incentives thing. I'll give it a go and see how he responds - I'll find out quickly enough if he doesn't approve!!!
Jules XxX

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