Posted by Skyhook
on Mon 22 Jun 09, 12:36 AM to Skyhook's blog.
xXx_scarlet_xXx's blog today has left me deep in thought. As I think I may have mentioned on a few occasions I have found, against mahoosive odds, my perfect partner in Mrs Skyhook. But who knows what tomorrow will bring? This is a question we've both pondered. Who knows if we will be together in ten years time? Is love a finite thing?
Another question – are BDSM relationships more likely to fail?
Perhaps I'm not best qualified to answer that. That's not stopped me from trying to before though, so this blog won't be any different. I've had vanilla relationships fail, and I've been pretty cut up. I've had 'scene' relationships fail, and I've been pretty cut up. I think the common hurt in these is the need, or maybe the hope for acceptance, to be liked, and also to be the one able to make the other unconditionally happy. Which really, isn't that realistic.
Another factor is sex and pride. Let's be honest, we want our partner to be attractive, (I don't just mean in looks) we want to show them off. And we want then to be a great fuck. BDSM relationships take that further, we want play too.
Vanilla sex is easy to come by. So I'm told, never quite got the hang of it myself. BDSM sex and play? In my experience, especially since joining this site, a whole lot easier to come by. You get sex, and you get play too. Are there many feelings better than that first meet after chatting on-line, chatting for hours, moving to the phone, hearing her come, and more. Then you meet and bizarrely you still like each other. You have a laugh, you play.
It's intense. It's great. You are a stud muffin you are, someone has just given yourself to you. Sometimes you even keep on seeing each other for a while!
Sometimes. I think what BDSM brings is an extra level of… hope? Need? A certain awareness of what you need from a relationship in D/s power exchange terms? Of course this is all there in vanilla dating under the surface, but I think we kinksters are more aware of that side, more able to vocalise it. More willing (or unable not to) to read it into any relationship.
So we happen to find someone we like on a personal level. We get on with them, we fancy them. We have a good first date, we move onto a relationship. We aren't stooopid enough to think this is 'The One', but it's intense, vanilla accelerated. A 'nilla friend of mine strongly disagrees, but I put it to you that because of what we do our non-vanilla relationships are more intense. They burn brighter, quicker.
And fade faster.
fen_fatale wrote about this brilliantly in this blog
A little piece of you dies each time. You doubt yourself, you doubt others. You are sick of starting again with someone new. You become cynical.
Whatever love means…
I became cynical. Too old and set in my happy single ways. Accepting I'd never find a long lasting partner, accepting just brief relationships were all I'd get. It hurt my pride, but hey, I could rationalise it. So many damaged women out there, and in my own way I'm damaged too. Accept the burn bright and fade life.
Whatever love means…
Driving to another first meet. Why bother. Why am I bothering? The tape rewinds, I've played this scene before too many times. I know how it ends, and the director is losing his ability to suspend my disbelief and carry my emotion – this is one sequel too far.
Then I see her.
No, this is wrong. I've known this stranger all my life.
We are talking our lives, yet it's so familiar. We are wary, a tiny, tiny bit guarded, but at the same time chatting like we always do, old friends meeting up again. It isn't meant to be like this. This never happens.
We ask the hotel receptionist if we can book the room for an extra night. We just know.
It's comfortable, in the nicest true meaning. It's scary. It's fucking exciting. It is not dull. It is everything I'd have ever wanted – if I'd ever thought for a second it could be like this.
Whatever love means?
If you have to ask, then you've never been in love.
We lived 210 miles apart, but every turn of my car wheel on Friday nights after work took me closer to her. Distance a problem, huh?
She had a son. He's wonderful. Children a problem, huh?
Throw me all your issues and my answer will be the same. If it's love then you will overcome those issues. You just do.
She moved to live with me. We bought a house together and got married almost within the space of a month.
I still don't know all she is, and I know I never will. There will always be surprises. Yet I know her more completely than everyone I have ever known. My wife, my lover, my slut, and my best friend. I still think of her every minute of my day. I miss her, every minute I'm away from her. I want to come home to her, I need her in my arms.
Will this last? Will we stay together forever?
Who can say.
But right now, and with every tissue and fibre of my body since I first saw her, I want to be with her for eternity.
Edited Mon 22 Jun 09, 12:46 AM by Skyhook
| 22 Jun 09, 12:44 AM Lascif 3 yrs |
Perfect, just perfect! You and Mrs Hook are an inspiration. Hugz for you x x | |
| 22 Jun 09, 1:44 AM yoda_dog UK(HP), 6 yrs  |
Who knows what tomorrow will bring, live for today, and enjoy it. One of the strange things about love....when you've been with someone a while, then you feel yourself falling in love with them again...you have butterflies again, you feel 'smitten' again and you crave their touch. M and I have been together nearly 10 years, and that's happened a couple of times, but it still knocks me on my arse! lol
Whatever love is? I has it Feel free to vom. "Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time." | |
| 22 Jun 09, 9:59 AM felis_silvestris UK(M), 3 yrs |
....or cry If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind When you least expect it, will you try to reject it? Give it up, do as I say; Give it up and let me have my way.. | |
| 22 Jun 09, 10:12 AM MMs_lavenderblossom 8 yrs |
Beautiful blog and wonderful replies. YD is right... who knows what tomorrow brings. Life is precious and we should cherish every moment with our loved ones. X Vanilla sex is like a 99 ice cream - without the flake (me) | |
| 22 Jun 09, 2:10 PM x_ele_x UK, 3 yrs |
With the right person I do believe it is finite, love is not passion or lust, it does not wear rose tinted spectacles, it does not get eroded by years of familiarity. Love is not something that can be scarred by infidelities, or heartbreak or loss. Love is something we afford to our offspring but rarely to an unrelated human being, we are narcissistic by nature...we rarely love that which is not part of ourselves...but I still believe it can and does happen. x
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| 22 Jun 09, 10:07 PM fen_fatale UK(CB), 8 yrs |
Can they start making skyhook clones? You sod.. this made me cry! and then i read it down the phone to K and she cried too! sod xxx The opinion of 10000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject. - Marcus Aurelius | |
| 24 Jun 09, 12:20 AM revengingangel UK(SO), 4 yrs |
amazing. I've been in that cynical, fed up of starting again mood for a while. Some inspirational, hope bringing words there! | |
| 4 Jul 09, 1:41 PM rosarose UK(SG), 3 yrs |
ditto thank you x |
