| 30 Jul 09, 3:38 PM Qwoins_calamity UK(S), 3 yrs   |
for myself it was a combination of things, he told me i was fat ugly and nobody else would want me and after a while you start to believe it , these men wear away your self esteem make you feel worthless, its like a kind of brain washing iff you are told something enough times you will eventually start to believe it, it takes a strong woman to stay with these abusers but it takes an even stronger willed woman to walk away,mine was 20 odd years ago i still bear his scars, only if you have been in this situation will you understand why the women stay is my belief, he will find out if i have been bad. | |
| 30 Jul 09, 4:18 PM epona74 UK(SL), 7 yrs |
I haven't been in an abusive relationship as such, though one was bordering on it. What I have done is gone for relationships that were bad for me in some other way-and I did this consistently for a long time. Sometimes, it can be as simple as thinking that you're not "worth" anything else, that you're better off with this person because you'll never be "worthy" of anything better. And sometimes, the idea of being on your own is far, far worse than any real life demons. Many people (I'm talking in general here) abuse themselves far worse than they'd ever let anyone else abuse them. You know, that voice inside your head that tells you you're useless, shouldn't do X, etc? I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship. But for him, being on his own would be far worse, because that gives his inner voice more time to abuse him. He is just starting to realise that this is what he's doing to himself. He can't bear to be on his own. Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. (R Frost) | |
| 30 Jul 09, 5:08 PM Fire_Fox UK(DD), 3 yrs |
It is terribly sad when someone is better of in a bad relationship than none at all, or even people who think they are. I remember seeing a program about “feeders” a while ago. Mostly skinny men who'd fed their partners until they were so fat that they couldn't leave the house, and in some cases even get out of their beds. They were totally reliant on the feeder to look after them. I realise that it's a bit extreme but surely that's a form of abuse too, even though they loved each other and were honestly happy together. For different people abuse seems to take so many forms and guises but from what I've seen and heard there are so many similarities that it can't be coincidence. A bit like many different paths going in different directions but always meeting at the same few destinations. Mind what people do, not only what they say for deeds will betray a lie. | |
| 30 Jul 09, 7:59 PM Ghedes_Princess UK(SW), 6 yrs  |
People take abuse for all sorts of reasons. Would it be unpopular to say that perhaps women become dependant on the cycle of the abuse? The only time that she feels loved is when she gets the "guilt" period after a particularly nasty incident? Bad attention is probably the most intense and focussed attention that he ever gives you. He probably never focusses on you unless he is shouting at you/ beating you/ raping you...? You get conditioned to believe that it is normal/as good as it gets and also that you deserve the abuse that you encounter. You are in love. You justify his actions, to others and to yourself. You protect him because you can't imagine your life without him. Lots of other reasons I guess too. xxx Did I mention? I love my life! |
