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| TheKey |
Something I needed to write now that the focus of exams has been lifted and I can let myself think.
The Materiality of Loss
I laid there needing you and you were gone.
The space around me so vast.
I laid in the dark and I reached out and to grasp anything I could as hard as I could
and keep it close to me,
but it wasn't you and you were gone
holding someone else close to you
the way you held me when you told me you'd be there for me and there I lay alone.
I roamed numb through bitter days
watching a part of me dying, hurting...
I did nothing while I listened to her cry to me for help.
What could I do?
And I needed to cry to you for help and you were gone
and I cried to you for help and reached out for you as you walked out the door
slipped from my fingers
taking half of my heart with you.
And I turned for them and there you were, cupped, smiling face in your hands, in all their hands,
only my eyes no longer gazed trustingly into yours,
because you were gone now.
So I grasped at the meaningless physical as she slipped too.
And I couldn't keep her here.
Knowing I returned to nothing
broken
to have you stir the loss within me,
draw it out as if I could reach you,
just beyond my fingertips.
But you were gone, still gone.
How can I forget when a single frame winds on to a movie reel before my eyes?
And how can I forgive when you knew what pain you caused, when I begged you for time, when you affirmed your possession in writing?
I lay here
empty beside you
exhausted
broken
so close
aching to grasp you, savour being able to reach for now.
And soon you'll be gone.
Edited Thu 18 Jun 09, 6:42 AM by TheKey
| 18 Jun 09, 8:00 AM Cinnamon_Tart UK(S), 8 yrs  |
That is a beautifully evocative weblog. Ty for sharing it. I hope that, if you are feeling that pain, it passes soon enough. I know it never quite feels like it will at the time. xx Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions |
| 18 Jun 09, 1:33 PM slowboat_tochina UK, 6 yrs |
beautifully written and very powerful x I'm at your feet and I come with gifts, my body, heart, and soul. They're yours to do with as you please, to command and to control - Taryn Grace 'At Your Feet' |
| 18 Jun 09, 2:39 PM Iphis_me UK(E), 4 yrs |
Beautifully written. Brought tears to my eyes. x "That hurts......please don't stop!" |
| 19 Jun 09, 2:37 AM Cassius UK, 3 yrs |
That is very,very much how I am at present. My special girl fell for another and I am smashed to the floor,needing somebody warm to hold..... Practise senseless acts of beauty. |
| 19 Jun 09, 9:34 AM Sirebel UK, 5 yrs    |
Beautifully painful to read I don't know what's right and what's real any more |
