This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Sat 13 Jun 09, 4:57 PM dizzyblue UK(BN), 4 yrs |
Just had a memo from someone, nicely written, polite etc but I remember chatting to him from elsewhere a few years ago (long term memory like an elephant)and we didn't get on. So I have politely said no, and wished him well, now expecting a backlash.........so what is the etiquette for turning someone down? Apologies if this has been done before. | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 5:00 PM pixie15_CJ_s UK(EX), 7 yrs  |
thanks but no thanks firstly ... if they do create a backlash then add them to ignore .. if its abusive ..contact admin .... but keep your cool and smile ... good luck xxx chaos mayhem and desaster......my work here is done | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 5:06 PM Lockey UK(NW), 4 yrs  |
Well - I'd say well done for responding to his memo - so many people don't and it's a constant bugbear as the many threads on the subject attest. For me it's very simple - any reasonable memo should be answered, at minimum, with a polite no thanks. My own POV is that this is only good manners if the email is polite, germane to profile, and the recipient has an ad. You've done that, this should be the end of it. In the case of passive/aggressive whingeing, or anything worse, as you say you are half expecting, simply block the user, and congratulate yourself on calling it right first time. Transgressions of the AUP should be forwarded to admin if they occur. *edit for tpoys* Edited 13 Jun 09, 5:07 PM by Lockey | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 5:20 PM Lady_Anna_Bradford UK(BD), 5 yrs   |
First time say no. Second time tell them to go forth and multiply. Then delete and block.
"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 5:22 PM Mistress_Susannah UK(SE), 7 yrs £ |
Why are you expecting a backlash? It is ok for you to say no, you know!
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| 13 Jun 09, 5:42 PM dizzyblue UK(BN), 4 yrs |
Why?? Let's say I remember him well and he's not one to just go away quietly, although this time he seems to have accepted my reply. Maybe he's grown up a bit? He said he might remember me if I had a picture up (pics are awaiting approval) and did say if I ever changed my mind etc. Nice of him to offer so much when he has no idea what I look like, not saying people are shallow but we all know there has to be some sort of attraction or something that starts the interest. :o)
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| 13 Jun 09, 5:55 PM Mistress_Susannah UK(SE), 7 yrs £ |
Ah I see. Well if he gives you any shit, just block him. You've obviously behaved in the best way possible - replied politely with a no. That's all you can do.
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| 13 Jun 09, 6:09 PM misfit UK, 3 yrs |
Just say no, NO! - in true Grange Hill style you have to emphasize the second no. Seriously though why would someone bother to continue writing once an invitation has been declined. Personally I do not understand this but then again I do not get turned down (ha ha). Please note that last remark was definitely tongue in cheek. I think the truth is always the best option. When I was approached in here I told the truth and the person in question and I are still in contact as friends. Also I point out that I am very clear on my profile about where I stand on this issue. M Space travels in my blood. And there ain't nothing I can do about it. | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 6:13 PM Ghedes_Princess UK(SW), 6 yrs  |
Wow! We're getting whiney about things that aren't even happening, now!  We're good!
xxx Did I mention? I love my life! | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 7:27 PM clovertribe UK(SN), 3 yrs |
I feel the same way when I say "no" to someone. I am very polite, but I still feel quite nervous about how the other person will respond. I've been fairly lucky in the responses I receive, but I have had some nasty backlash too. I agree that if you are kind and polite, you have been the best person you can be. Take care! clover | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 7:31 PM Crystal_Eyes UK, 5 yrs   |
I think it's quite a common 'human nature' thing - we want people to like us, and having to reject someone on a sexual level always threatens to unbalance this harmony. Fortunately most people are reasonable and it never becomes an issue, but it only takes one person to react badly to rejection for you to be incredibly nervous every time you have to do it in the future! ------------------------------------------ |
