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| miss_kitten |
on Sun 7 Jun 09, 12:05 PM to miss_kitten's blog.
The kitten has returned from the wondrous German Goth Mini Break, and what a fab time we had too. But more on that in later ramblings.
I can't say that it was a smooth transit from Kitten Towers to Leipzig. The ungodly hour was just as ungodly as predicted, especially after 2 hours sleep 
The predicted 4 hours sleep was vastly reduced by a nasty attack of hot paws. A terrible affliction, I tell you. Not even shuffling down the bed and wrapping toes around the metal bed posts helped. I was almost glad when 3:30 came around and I could get up.
The cab to the train station was on time and nice and top kitten in its presentation, had it not been for Phil Mitchell's younger, meaner and viler brother being the driver. He looked like he had experienced so much scrappage in his vicious little existence, his whole demeanour suggested he was just looking for the next bout to get his knuckles scraped in. Indeed within 2 minutes he had announced that this was his last day of working for the cab firm as he hated his boss (his words were less polite I can assure you). He was proud in recounting that he had indeed already knocked said soon to be ex boss out on a previous occasion. Nice. He went on to recount a scrap he had been involved in just the previous evening over a £2 discrepancy in fare quote. Once again, nice. I felt safe and sat wondering if he was going to finish up for the night and promptly head back to ours to clear the place out. Not the nicest of starts.
What was nice was the cup of tea that I had prepared for the journey. Oh how TT mocked me until he was gratefully sipping away at his on a cold platform at the break of dawn. Ha! Victory to kittens and their rock n roll ways! Still-warm pita bread with your tea Sir? Ah yes, I thought so… 
Then came the Easy Jet experience. Fucking fuckers. 2 hours of queuing squished amongst 4, I repeat 4, hen parties, each with varying degrees of shameful “don't look at me I'm shy” adornments. The winners were a group of rather classy ladies who were heading to Edinburgh by all accounts, complete with a range of vile and rude t-shirts mostly showing pictures of their beautiful bride to be friend at various stages of her glamorous and seemingly drink and drugs fuelled life. Ahem. I was quietly pleased we heading in a more south easterly direction… There was another couple obviously heading the same way as us. They looked as relieved as we were to see other dark ones and rewarded us with big cheesy so undark grins.
So, two hours in and they had called every flight but ours to the front. Because, of course, Easy Jet can't open desks dedicated to specific destinations. Oh no. Let's corral all the hen and stag parties into one holding pen and then cause major stress and panic by yelling last calls at the drop of a hat and causing minor stampedes through the crowds to the front desks. Fucking fuckers.
So, we got through with only 40 minutes to take off to be stuck in the security queue from hell. I counted 4 signs telling people to take off belts, remove jackets, take out laptop, no liquids in bags and so on and on and on. Any moron can follow these wonderful pictorial instructions apart from every single dim fuck in our queue. I then got told to take off my eternity cuffs and collar. “I'm afraid they don't come off very easily. Is it ok to leave them on?” was my polite response. It was met charmingly with a roll of the eyes and a dismissive wave.
Sadly the next lady along in the line took one look at us and pulled both of our bags aside for searching. I wouldn't like to think that it had anything to do with our standing out from the hen party mosh pit... There followed poking, prodding, swabbing, muttering and then finally a bored dismissal when nothing untoward was discovered. We were now down to 20 minutes before take off. Quick repack only to get collared by the next staring and waiting chap who insisted that TT take his 14 hole boots off and have them scanned separately. Hurrah! (Yes I know, I am a frequent flier and these things are important for my safety and I am grateful for them, but hey - humour me )
15 minutes to go, a mad dash to last call for boarding, a hurtle onto the now full plane, a run past the cockpit with the pilot literally slumped over his controls (wtf???) no luggage space, no seats together, no leg room even for short arsed kittens like me, vile “gentlemen” making crude comments to female passengers. This is travel hell.
By this point I was tired, so thirsty and hungry with no chance of picking any water up on the way. “Welcome to Easy Jet!” Fuck off… “We are serving sandwiches and a drink for the special price of £6. Why not buy some scratch cards at the same time?” Fuck off you fuckers. “Hope you enjoy your experience with Easy Jet and fly with us again” Fuck off you fucking orange fuckers!!!!!
2 hours pass, we land in Deutschland and a calm descends and order is restored to military standards with efficiency that makes my kitten heart sing. Even if it take us 4 hours and three connections to get from Berlin to Leipzig 
, it is done in comfort and with order that is second to none.
PLEASE NOTE: no offence is meant to anyone who works in airports and has to deal with angry kittens on a daily basis when they are performing their very important security checks, especially to those of the orange uniform persuasion who are merely following orders to corral people and to charge them £32 for a sandwich and indeed to encourage them to gamble on planes. Nor is any offence meant to any hen and stag parties, nor to any group that choose to wear matching t-shirts
| 7 Jun 09, 9:20 PM golfmebackwards UK(SO), 6 yrs |
Sounds like a bad start but did you have a good time in Liepzig? I await with breath very bated .I'm so glad that this has taken me so long, |
| 7 Jun 09, 10:17 PM El_Maido 3 yrs |
*El_Maido adds Easyjet to its smackdown list*
The tea and pitta is very impressive, the rest of the journey much less so - poor you You don't look like an international terrorist (much) - clearly your reputation as a kind and lovely kitten had passed them by. And hopefully in future the security staff will be so dazzled by the shinyness of the boots that they will not only usher you both through, they'll give you a freebie ride on one of those dinky buggies.
Still, glad to hear the rest of the holiday was full of much joy. Not least the gift-purchasing opportunities, all of which are delightful (*El_Maido disappears off for a game of scat. Sorry, skat.*) |
