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| Ms_Valentine |
I have always known that poly relationships are not for me. I have a particular kind of love for a sexual partner and that means I cannot love another in the same or even similar way at the same time. I can have an open relationship and have done in the past but never poly. It just ain't for me.
So, who is it for?
I deeply admire those truly honest, mature and decent folks who make poly work. Caring for all participants with genuine regard for individual needs as well as that of the collective. I think it is fabulous when it works and some like 'The Leather Family' are shining examples of how wonderful and enduring it can be.
Then, we come to some others.
There have been well publicised examples of 'poly' sets ups on here over the years which have gone down the pan with every sign that it was never the stuff of substance and some involved ended up deeply hurt. Poly can be the haven for those who want their cake and eat it. Who are greedy, selfish, looking to fulfil only their own sexual and bdsm desires whilst pretending it was a committed relationship. Ready to abandon it when the going gets tough. Maybe one party wants it all and creates a situation for that to happen. None of that is what poly is about.
It must be harder than a one on one relationship. You have several different people who must all want to go the same way or the relationship crumbles.
Any relationship is only as strong as its weakest point and some attracted to poly just don't have the strength of character, decency, morals and compassion to carry it off.
I know some poly relationships split up for reasons which do not reflect badly upon any of the people involved. Sometimes despite all the best efforts of good people, what seemed like a great idea and way of life, just doesn't hold together. For those people, I am unreservedly in sympathy.
This is a blog in tribute to all those who make it work and live and love poly amorously long term and with growing strength and joy.
| 5 Jun 09, 10:08 AM felis_silvestris UK(M), 3 yrs |
I have to agree that I don't think I could be in a poly relationship. I think that one on one relationships without BDSM can be difficult enough as no two people feel exactly the same at a given time, put someone else into that scenario and, to me, it's a recipe for disaster. Human nature is a strange thing, we have characteristics built into us, such as envy, greed, jealousy, that quite often we just cannot control. To to be able to be in a poly relationship and make it work would need the people concerned to have such self control and selflessness, it is beyond my capabilities.
If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind When you least expect it, will you try to reject it? Give it up, do as I say; Give it up and let me have my way.. | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 10:26 AM Call_Me_Harmony UK(CB), 5 yrs  |
Polyamorous relationships are like any other relationships. They are nothing special, just a different type. And like all relationships they need commitment and communication and a certain amount of hardwork to survive. Like all relationships they fail at times, and most of the time just like mono relationships the failure is down to personality or styles of the individual involved not to relationship style. Like all relationships sometimes they are no fault breakups, and sometimes people do the dirty on each other. Personally I think far too much attention is given to the relationship style as a factor than it deserves. If you don't like what you see, what you read, then just move along. Life is too short to waste it arguing about the little things. | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 10:30 AM Iphis_me UK(E), 4 yrs |
Hear hear! When monogamous relationships fail no-one says oh it was *because* it was monogamous. Yes some of the challenges of poly may be a little different, but whatever style of relationship, they do go wrong, for all sorts of reasons, and not necessarily simply *because* of poly. I would prefer your blog title to be "Relationships...only for the honest, mature and decent" as these are qualities you need whatever type of relationship you have. "That hurts......please don't stop!" Edited 5 Jun 09, 10:31 AM by Iphis_me | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 10:56 AM scorpy UK, 7 yrs |
Very well said.
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| 5 Jun 09, 11:03 AM felis_silvestris UK(M), 3 yrs |
If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind When you least expect it, will you try to reject it? Give it up, do as I say; Give it up and let me have my way.. | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 11:27 AM Tanos  UK(M), 14 yrs   |
Yes, and many mono and poly relationships are based on all that kind of good stuff. But, a lot of people also do manage to muddle through with mono relationships, relying on intuition, family and fictional role models, and on very imperfect communication, even passive aggressive nonsense. I don't think you can muddle through a poly relationship in the same way, because of the step up in complexity: two people in a mono relationship have one bond/conflict; three in a triad already have three bonds/conflicts; in a quad there are six! Regards, Tanos www.tanos.org.uk | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 11:30 AM scorpy UK, 7 yrs |
I see what you mean, northerngal - yes, the title is accurate and no criticism intended. I just wanted to respond to the additional point made.
scorpy (who recognises a fellow pedant when she sees one | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 11:35 AM The_Colonel_Whatwhat 3 yrs |
I have no experience of this but it is something I would consider. As others have said, as long as everyone is honest and open then I think it has a chance. As the male considering two female partners (hey its my fantasy - don't burst my bubble!) I am very aware that it would be a joint 3 way decision to expand my present one on one. All would have to want it otherwise I can't see it working.
The D/s aspect is a further complication of course I came, I saw, I concurred | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 11:42 AM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
I was looking for a reference to factorials in there but hey, I'll settle down now. 5 and 8 in one night! 5 and 8 in one night! | ||
| 5 Jun 09, 11:54 AM The_Colonel_Whatwhat 3 yrs |
Ooh I do like a good factorial 
Fractals are prettier though
I came, I saw, I concurred |
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