13 Jun 09, 10:21 PM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 9 yrs
 |
Mistress_Susannah wrote:
Lady_Anna_Bradford wrote:
Ms_Valentine wrote:
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
Most people in that situation who visit PDs do so without it being revealed to their partner. Does it harm their relationships? Only if found out and the partner is unhappy with the situation.
In my other guise, I have been a PD for eleven years full time and continuously and in that time, I have never come across a case of the other half finding out by accident about their husbands/partners visiting me. The men are careful to keep it secret and do not take home obvious marks which would give the game away.
I am sorry that many men are so unsatisfied in their sex lives that their only outlet for their desires is with a PD. I wish everyone was totally sexually compatible and we all lived happily ever after.
Life isn't like that. That is Disneyland. Lives are complex, and just saying 'No' to your overriding passion is neither easy nor necessarily a good thing.
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years. One man's wife left him there and then and visited a solicitor the next day and never spoke to him again. Not exactly an encouragement to be honest, is it?
So, people need to look to PDs for complication free release of their sexual desires. Well, it isn't morally perfect but then none of life is.
It is the simplest and easiest thing in the world to tell ( as many happily partnered up bdsm people on IC do) that others must go without. They must do this or that. Screw that, honestly, it is sanctimonious rubbish. Live an hour in other people's shoes before being so judgemental.
I personally dislike smoking but as long as it is not done near to me and harming me, then live and let live. I wouldn't dream of telling others what to do. I know what I would and wouldn't do myself in all kinds of ethical situations but that is a different matter.
PDs are mostly decent, intelligent, funny, friendly women who make a lot of frustrated, sometimes lonely, often misunderstood men very happy. I love what I do and am extremely proud of it. I have never ripped anyone off, short timed them, been anything less than professional and willing to make sessions great for myself and the sub. I have nothing to feel ashamed or defensive about.
I do feel the right to defend my subs though. Coming to see a PD is not an easy step for them, they do feel guilty and are often very stressed with work and family pressures. Most guys who come to see me are the main or only salary earner and work hard for their families. They love them but also often have wives who are have lost whatever interest they did have in sex due to childrearing issues, illness, menopause and so on. No one should have to go without sexual pleasure of some kind.
The subs I see just want some pleasurable release from their stressful lives and I have no problem in being the person who makes them feel good enough and strong enough to take on all their responsibilities again. I look at it that some men have vanilla affairs to cope with life, others have time consuming hobbies golf, fishing,football, some drink, place bets, smoke cigars on their own in the garden for an hour every night and some spend that hour in the company of a PD once a month. Good gracious, in the scheme of things there must be worse things a man can do than that.
|
hear hear 
|
Fantabulously put!!!
|
Why thank you!
*bows* and exits whilst going is good! 24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.
|
13 Jun 09, 11:03 PM
slave_james13
UK, 5 yrs
|
Ms_Valentine wrote:
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
Most people in that situation who visit PDs do so without it being revealed to their partner. Does it harm their relationships? Only if found out and the partner is unhappy with the situation.
In my other guise, I have been a PD for eleven years full time and continuously and in that time, I have never come across a case of the other half finding out by accident about their husbands/partners visiting me. The men are careful to keep it secret and do not take home obvious marks which would give the game away.
I am sorry that many men are so unsatisfied in their sex lives that their only outlet for their desires is with a PD. I wish everyone was totally sexually compatible and we all lived happily ever after.
Life isn't like that. That is Disneyland. Lives are complex, and just saying 'No' to your overriding passion is neither easy nor necessarily a good thing.
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years. One man's wife left him there and then and visited a solicitor the next day and never spoke to him again. Not exactly an encouragement to be honest, is it?
So, people need to look to PDs for complication free release of their sexual desires. Well, it isn't morally perfect but then none of life is.
It is the simplest and easiest thing in the world to tell ( as many happily partnered up bdsm people on IC do) that others must go without. They must do this or that. Screw that, honestly, it is sanctimonious rubbish. Live an hour in other people's shoes before being so judgemental.
I personally dislike smoking but as long as it is not done near to me and harming me, then live and let live. I wouldn't dream of telling others what to do. I know what I would and wouldn't do myself in all kinds of ethical situations but that is a different matter.
PDs are mostly decent, intelligent, funny, friendly women who make a lot of frustrated, sometimes lonely, often misunderstood men very happy. I love what I do and am extremely proud of it. I have never ripped anyone off, short timed them, been anything less than professional and willing to make sessions great for myself and the sub. I have nothing to feel ashamed or defensive about.
I do feel the right to defend my subs though. Coming to see a PD is not an easy step for them, they do feel guilty and are often very stressed with work and family pressures. Most guys who come to see me are the main or only salary earner and work hard for their families. They love them but also often have wives who are have lost whatever interest they did have in sex due to childrearing issues, illness, menopause and so on. No one should have to go without sexual pleasure of some kind.
The subs I see just want some pleasurable release from their stressful lives and I have no problem in being the person who makes them feel good enough and strong enough to take on all their responsibilities again. I look at it that some men have vanilla affairs to cope with life, others have time consuming hobbies golf, fishing,football, some drink, place bets, smoke cigars on their own in the garden for an hour every night and some spend that hour in the company of a PD once a month. Good gracious, in the scheme of things there must be worse things a man can do than that.
|
Beautifully and sucinctly put.....like another ealier in this thread I have a life outside of the BDSM world and all my family and many of my aquaintances and friends have no idea about my desires. But BUT, the relief, thrill, elation and lasting pleasure I get from visiting a pro-Domme is immense and keeps me on the right side of the sanity line. They make me a better person because I am fulfilled. I cannot praise the the majority of pro-Dommes enough and wholeheartedly thank them for all they do for us.
Humbly
James
|
14 Jun 09, 12:07 AM
vellan_drang
5 yrs |
Ms_Valentine wrote:
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
|
Well... it depends who you know. Of the four females I know who see pro Dommes, three are single, and the fourth, while married, is also a Domme. Of the men I am personally acquainted with who see pro Dommes (quick finger count here), about 60-65% are single, and in two cases, session with the knowledge of their partner/wife. Perhaps the very fact of being public about this aspect of their lives makes them an easy sample; regardless, I'm not aware of any objective statistics.
Incidentally, Ms Valentine, since I've seen you post before that you are not overwhelmed with female submissives, how do you know? I appreciate that this wasn't the main point of your post, but I dislike generalizations intensely, especially when they include me by default.
v._dr |
14 Jun 09, 7:45 PM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 9 yrs
|
Well, I can only speak for my eleven years full time experience as a Professional Dominatrix. I know it probably doesn't count for much but it is my experience and it is that which I base my belief that most people who visit PDs are married or in relationships.
I have checked over my files and in the last eleven years I have seen precisely 15 female subs, all of whom were married or in committed/live in relationships with men. I have seen many many more men in that time and it is rare they they are not in a relationship.
I accept that your experience is your own and will not dispute it but the facts as I have encountered them are as I stated.
vellan_drang wrote:
Ms_Valentine wrote:
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
|
Well... it depends who you know. Of the four females I know who see pro Dommes, three are single, and the fourth, while married, is also a Domme. Of the men I am personally acquainted with who see pro Dommes (quick finger count here), about 60-65% are single, and in two cases, session with the knowledge of their partner/wife. Perhaps the very fact of being public about this aspect of their lives makes them an easy sample; regardless, I'm not aware of any objective statistics.
Incidentally, Ms Valentine, since I've seen you post before that you are not overwhelmed with female submissives, how do you know? I appreciate that this wasn't the main point of your post, but I dislike generalizations intensely, especially when they include me by default.
v._dr
|
24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.
|
15 Jun 09, 7:09 AM
wonderer
UK, 5 yrs
|
May I echo others in saying what a great understanding realistic post that was from Ms_Valentine. If you're reading this, I'm becoming ever more an admirer.
However this sentence bothered me slightly:
Ms_Valentine wrote:
...
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years.
|
As someone who has explained my desires to my wife (who has no wish for any involvement) this was a bit worrying. But I have come across others who have opened up to partners and managed to find a good equilibrium. I imagine it varies a lot from couple to couple and also depending on the extent of involvement in scene activity or pro Dommes prior to the "revelation".
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/
|
15 Jun 09, 10:09 AM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 9 yrs
|
wonderer wrote:
May I echo others in saying what a great understanding realistic post that was from Ms_Valentine. If you're reading this, I'm becoming ever more an admirer.
However this sentence bothered me slightly:
Ms_Valentine wrote:
...
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years.
|
As someone who has explained my desires to my wife (who has no wish for any involvement) this was a bit worrying. But I have come across others who have opened up to partners and managed to find a good equilibrium. I imagine it varies a lot from couple to couple and also depending on the extent of involvement in scene activity or pro Dommes prior to the "revelation".
|
I should add that I think the five men I am thinking of, all wanted, even if they did not actually say it up front initially when they fessed up their own kinky desires, for their wives to get involved with bdsm. This may have had something to do with the fact that ultimately within a five year period, all the relationships had been dissolved.
I don't think just telling the wives is the issue so much as not being able to deal with what that confession means going forward and what both parties can live with in the long term.
24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.
|
15 Jun 09, 4:02 PM
MsDarklove_Hurts
UK(WF), 7 yrs
£
|
I honestly did not think that the thread I started would last so long or involve so many different and interesting opinions. I promise I have read every one of them and I would like to thank everyone who contributed.
Although a small element of fantasizers and idiots are creeping in lately (a sign of the times) I think that IC has to be the best site in the world for forum activity and for genuine friendly articulate lifestylers. So many on here are intelligent, interested and generous enough to take the time to contribute and share.
Take a look at other site forums and find me one that can equal IC! It is the only site that I give my hard earned cash to and worth every penny I might add.
Sorry for going off subject slightly......Um errr. You can all carry on now!
Perfect beauty. Absolute obedience.
|
29 Jun 09, 11:16 AM
Aurorian
UK(HD), 5 yrs
£
|
Why don't hairdressers get it in the neck too? Anyone can 'cut' hair, some may be better at it than others, but still people go to professional hairdressers and nobody complains about that?
It just seems silly. Professionals of any trade are there to provide a service to those who might be interested in their wares. They're not forcing you to do business with them, you can take it or leave it, just like anything.
Can you imagine somebody coming into a hairdressers and shouting 'You make me sick! You're just doing it for the money! All your customers are pathetic with their need for haircuts!'. |
29 Jun 09, 11:40 AM
locked_balls
UK(B), 3 yrs
|
Fantastic post Ms Valentine and spot on. I feel the demographics may change in years to come because of the internet. When I got married the internet only existed for the American military and I doubt there was much BDSM content...
Many, many in their 30s, 40s and older spent their formative years thinking other people like themselves did not exist, the only contact and means to explore your darker side was maybe through "Serious Mistresses" magazine or similar, the internet has changed all that, late teens, 20 somethings and older singles now have the capability to meet up with likeminded souls which I think is terrific !! |
29 Jun 09, 2:21 PM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 9 yrs
|
Natural_Born_Sub wrote:
locked_balls wrote:
Fantastic post Ms Valentine and spot on. I feel the demographics may change in years to come because of the internet. When I got married the internet only existed for the American military and I doubt there was much BDSM content...
Many, many in their 30s, 40s and older spent their formative years thinking other people like themselves did not exist, the only contact and means to explore your darker side was maybe through "Serious Mistresses" magazine or similar, the internet has changed all that, late teens, 20 somethings and older singles now have the capability to meet up with likeminded souls which I think is terrific !!
|
After a few unfulfilling and sometimes difficult vanilla relationships i have now resigned myself to the fact that if i cant have a Domme i'll do without.
Best to be honest with yourself and with those around you, that should be the starting point, it will cause less pain for yourself & those around you in the long run.
|
Good for you. If you want to consign yourself to never having any bdsm in your life, then that is all fine and dandy. Your personal opinions can guide you but will be no good for anyone else. Each person must decide for themselves what is the best path to follow in their own lives and weigh up risks against other considerations before making a decision.
As I said in an earlier post, being honest with those around them, led five men I know to be divorced within five years of their honesty. Can't see how much more painful that can be for everyone.
If you can be happier being without a Domme or any bdsm, fine, but abstinence is not the right answer for everyone. 24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.
|
