Misunderstanding pro dommes ( again) (60)

This post is on the Pro-Mistresses etc web board.

11 Jun 09, 10:03 AM
Mistress_Lady_Julia
UK(LN), 14 mths
£ Y!

Altheus wrote:

MsDarklove_Hurts wrote:
Misunderstanding pro dommes ( again)
What do these people who are into stable, loving relationships but whos partners cannot understand the need to submit do? Get divorced and seek a BDSM partner who may never materialise? Have an affair behind their partners back and hope they never get caught?

They can man-up and deal with it.
For the rest of your post you are quite right.
I presume you mean they could grit their teeth and bear it, then they could pretend not to be stressed and irritable and they could grin like a cheshire cat and try to act as though they were happy and at peace with their life.
I wonder how it would feel living with someone who was gritting their teeth like that all of the time, with the feeling of a pressure cooker inside them ready to blow..I dare say it would be hard not to let it show but yes they could 'man up' I dont suppose thier health would suffer too badly long term from the stress of bottling things up !!
edited for typos
Edited 11 Jun 09, 10:04 AM by Mistress_Lady_Julia

11 Jun 09, 5:04 PM
Altheus
UK, 9 yrs

Lady_Anna_Bradford wrote:

Altheus wrote:

MsDarklove_Hurts wrote:
Misunderstanding pro dommes ( again)
What do these people who are into stable, loving relationships but whos partners cannot understand the need to submit do? Get divorced and seek a BDSM partner who may never materialise? Have an affair behind their partners back and hope they never get caught?

They can man-up and deal with it.
For the rest of your post you are quite right.
What does 'man-up' mean?

In this context it means to live with the need to submit unsated, and not to divert resources selfishly for this need away from the wife / partner and children if any.
I consider the whole husband / father role a duty that never goes away and takes primacy above my own desires and needs.
"If you're fucked in the head, you're fucked in the head. Don't turn it in to lifestyle."

11 Jun 09, 5:06 PM
Lady_Anna_Bradford
UK(BD), 3 yrs
£

Altheus wrote:

Lady_Anna_Bradford wrote:

Altheus wrote:

MsDarklove_Hurts wrote:
Misunderstanding pro dommes ( again)
What do these people who are into stable, loving relationships but whos partners cannot understand the need to submit do? Get divorced and seek a BDSM partner who may never materialise? Have an affair behind their partners back and hope they never get caught?

They can man-up and deal with it.
For the rest of your post you are quite right.
What does 'man-up' mean?

In this context it means to live with the need to submit unsated, and not to divert resources selfishly for this need away from the wife / partner and children if any.
I consider the whole husband / father role a duty that never goes away and takes primacy above my own desires and needs.
I used to think that about being a wife and mother until I realised that I couldn't live on anti-depressants for the rest of my life.

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/ http://www.clips4sale.com/store/26308

11 Jun 09, 5:15 PM
Altheus
UK, 9 yrs

Mistress_Lady_Julia wrote:

Altheus wrote:

MsDarklove_Hurts wrote:
Misunderstanding pro dommes ( again)
What do these people who are into stable, loving relationships but whos partners cannot understand the need to submit do? Get divorced and seek a BDSM partner who may never materialise? Have an affair behind their partners back and hope they never get caught?

They can man-up and deal with it.
For the rest of your post you are quite right.
I presume you mean they could grit their teeth and bear it, then they could pretend not to be stressed and irritable and they could grin like a cheshire cat and try to act as though they were happy and at peace with their life.
I wonder how it would feel living with someone who was gritting their teeth like that all of the time, with the feeling of a pressure cooker inside them ready to blow..I dare say it would be hard not to let it show but yes they could 'man up' I dont suppose thier health would suffer too badly long term from the stress of bottling things up !!
edited for typos
I think you over-estimate mens' emotional capacity and under-estimate their resolve and ability to accept the "way it is", and get on with life.
I will grant that you have a better understanding of the submissive male psyche than I do but to me the hypothetical man in this situation seems like a weakling, willing to risk his current relationship and the happiness he and his partner derive from that to satisfy his need.
People need to remember that you can't always have what you want and sometimes you have to go without for a good cause.

"If you're fucked in the head, you're fucked in the head. Don't turn it in to lifestyle."

11 Jun 09, 5:28 PM
Susan_Williams
UK(CH), 11 mths
Y!

Altheus wrote:
I think you over-estimate mens' emotional capacity and under-estimate their resolve and ability to accept the "way it is", and get on with life.
I will grant that you have a better understanding of the submissive male psyche than I do but to me the hypothetical man in this situation seems like a weakling, willing to risk his current relationship and the happiness he and his partner derive from that to satisfy his need.
People need to remember that you can't always have what you want and sometimes you have to go without for a good cause.

I think Altheus you are living in a bit of a dream world. I have known people driven to suicide because they couldn't have what the needed or couldn't be what they wanted to be.
Telling someone to "man up" and get on with it is a one way street to disaster. Perhaps a lot of men do accept the way things are and get on with it. Probably why the male suicide rate is considerably higher than that for females.
http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=1...
Susan Williams
Edited 11 Jun 09, 5:31 PM by Susan_Williams

11 Jun 09, 5:32 PM
subtler
UK, 19 mths

Altheus wrote:

Mistress_Lady_Julia wrote:

Altheus wrote:

MsDarklove_Hurts wrote:
Misunderstanding pro dommes ( again)
What do these people who are into stable, loving relationships but whos partners cannot understand the need to submit do? Get divorced and seek a BDSM partner who may never materialise? Have an affair behind their partners back and hope they never get caught?

They can man-up and deal with it.
For the rest of your post you are quite right.
I presume you mean they could grit their teeth and bear it, then they could pretend not to be stressed and irritable and they could grin like a cheshire cat and try to act as though they were happy and at peace with their life.
I wonder how it would feel living with someone who was gritting their teeth like that all of the time, with the feeling of a pressure cooker inside them ready to blow..I dare say it would be hard not to let it show but yes they could 'man up' I dont suppose thier health would suffer too badly long term from the stress of bottling things up !!
edited for typos
I think you over-estimate mens' emotional capacity and under-estimate their resolve and ability to accept the "way it is", and get on with life.
I will grant that you have a better understanding of the submissive male psyche than I do but to me the hypothetical man in this situation seems like a weakling, willing to risk his current relationship and the happiness he and his partner derive from that to satisfy his need.
People need to remember that you can't always have what you want and sometimes you have to go without for a good cause.

The need to tell other people what to do doesn't always have to be satisfied either.
Submissions: some perverse verses
Edited 11 Jun 09, 5:42 PM by subtler

12 Jun 09, 8:39 AM
lisal
6 yrs
Altheus wrote:
In this context it means to live with the need to submit unsated, and not to divert resources selfishly for this need away from the wife / partner and children if any.
I consider the whole husband / father role a duty that never goes away and takes primacy above my own desires and needs.
But you are on one of these IC one size fits all roads Altheus
Some have their own resources and don't divert them away. When I was married we each had our own income and paid into a joint pot for bills etc. Then we could choose to do what we wanted with what was left of our own money
And in terms of our relationship my ability to session helped a lot. My ex suffered really badly from depression - it was horrible for her and also difficult for me. To be able to get away for a couple of hours a month to do something that I really enjoyed (worth looking at the catharsis thread here as well) got rid of a lot of my tensions and made it easier for me with the support she needed
Not picking on you but one of the things that gets me here (and it does seem to occur on the PD board particularly) is the black and white mentality of some of the saintly posters. "All PDs must be bad" "You should never lie" etc etc without taking any account of particular circumstances.
In terms of the anti PD ones (not you at all here) they generally come from people who know little of the PD world I have much more respect for those who have had bad experiences with PDs (and of course they occur) and then post about those...
Sorry - rant over
And once again, Altheus not particularly aimed at you....

12 Jun 09, 9:25 AM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 23 mths
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
Most people in that situation who visit PDs do so without it being revealed to their partner. Does it harm their relationships? Only if found out and the partner is unhappy with the situation. In my other guise, I have been a PD for eleven years full time and continuously and in that time, I have never come across a case of the other half finding out by accident about their husbands/partners visiting me. The men are careful to keep it secret and do not take home obvious marks which would give the game away.
I am sorry that many men are so unsatisfied in their sex lives that their only outlet for their desires is with a PD. I wish everyone was totally sexually compatible and we all lived happily ever after.
Life isn't like that. That is Disneyland. Lives are complex, and just saying 'No' to your overriding passion is neither easy nor necessarily a good thing.
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years. One man's wife left him there and then and visited a solicitor the next day and never spoke to him again. Not exactly an encouragement to be honest, is it?
So, people need to look to PDs for complication free release of their sexual desires. Well, it isn't morally perfect but then none of life is.
It is the simplest and easiest thing in the world to tell ( as many happily partnered up bdsm people on IC do) that others must go without. They must do this or that. Screw that, honestly, it is sanctimonious rubbish. Live an hour in other people's shoes before being so judgemental.
I personally dislike smoking but as long as it is not done near to me and harming me, then live and let live. I wouldn't dream of telling others what to do. I know what I would and wouldn't do myself in all kinds of ethical situations but that is a different matter.
PDs are mostly decent, intelligent, funny, friendly women who make a lot of frustrated, sometimes lonely, often misunderstood men very happy. I love what I do and am extremely proud of it. I have never ripped anyone off, short timed them, been anything less than professional and willing to make sessions great for myself and the sub. I have nothing to feel ashamed or defensive about.
I do feel the right to defend my subs though. Coming to see a PD is not an easy step for them, they do feel guilty and are often very stressed with work and family pressures. Most guys who come to see me are the main or only salary earner and work hard for their families. They love them but also often have wives who are have lost whatever interest they did have in sex due to childrearing issues, illness, menopause and so on. No one should have to go without sexual pleasure of some kind.
The subs I see just want some pleasurable release from their stressful lives and I have no problem in being the person who makes them feel good enough and strong enough to take on all their responsibilities again. I look at it that some men have vanilla affairs to cope with life, others have time consuming hobbies golf, fishing,football, some drink, place bets, smoke cigars on their own in the garden for an hour every night and some spend that hour in the company of a PD once a month. Good gracious, in the scheme of things there must be worse things a man can do than that.

24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.

12 Jun 09, 10:19 AM
Lady_Anna_Bradford
UK(BD), 3 yrs
£

Ms_Valentine wrote:
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
Most people in that situation who visit PDs do so without it being revealed to their partner. Does it harm their relationships? Only if found out and the partner is unhappy with the situation. In my other guise, I have been a PD for eleven years full time and continuously and in that time, I have never come across a case of the other half finding out by accident about their husbands/partners visiting me. The men are careful to keep it secret and do not take home obvious marks which would give the game away.
I am sorry that many men are so unsatisfied in their sex lives that their only outlet for their desires is with a PD. I wish everyone was totally sexually compatible and we all lived happily ever after.
Life isn't like that. That is Disneyland. Lives are complex, and just saying 'No' to your overriding passion is neither easy nor necessarily a good thing.
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years. One man's wife left him there and then and visited a solicitor the next day and never spoke to him again. Not exactly an encouragement to be honest, is it?
So, people need to look to PDs for complication free release of their sexual desires. Well, it isn't morally perfect but then none of life is.
It is the simplest and easiest thing in the world to tell ( as many happily partnered up bdsm people on IC do) that others must go without. They must do this or that. Screw that, honestly, it is sanctimonious rubbish. Live an hour in other people's shoes before being so judgemental.
I personally dislike smoking but as long as it is not done near to me and harming me, then live and let live. I wouldn't dream of telling others what to do. I know what I would and wouldn't do myself in all kinds of ethical situations but that is a different matter.
PDs are mostly decent, intelligent, funny, friendly women who make a lot of frustrated, sometimes lonely, often misunderstood men very happy. I love what I do and am extremely proud of it. I have never ripped anyone off, short timed them, been anything less than professional and willing to make sessions great for myself and the sub. I have nothing to feel ashamed or defensive about.
I do feel the right to defend my subs though. Coming to see a PD is not an easy step for them, they do feel guilty and are often very stressed with work and family pressures. Most guys who come to see me are the main or only salary earner and work hard for their families. They love them but also often have wives who are have lost whatever interest they did have in sex due to childrearing issues, illness, menopause and so on. No one should have to go without sexual pleasure of some kind.
The subs I see just want some pleasurable release from their stressful lives and I have no problem in being the person who makes them feel good enough and strong enough to take on all their responsibilities again. I look at it that some men have vanilla affairs to cope with life, others have time consuming hobbies golf, fishing,football, some drink, place bets, smoke cigars on their own in the garden for an hour every night and some spend that hour in the company of a PD once a month. Good gracious, in the scheme of things there must be worse things a man can do than that.

hear hear
"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/ http://www.clips4sale.com/store/26308

12 Jun 09, 10:18 PM
Mistress_Susannah
UK(SE), 4 yrs
£

Lady_Anna_Bradford wrote:

Ms_Valentine wrote:
Fact: most men (and women for that matter) who visit PDs are in relationships or are married.
Most people in that situation who visit PDs do so without it being revealed to their partner. Does it harm their relationships? Only if found out and the partner is unhappy with the situation. In my other guise, I have been a PD for eleven years full time and continuously and in that time, I have never come across a case of the other half finding out by accident about their husbands/partners visiting me. The men are careful to keep it secret and do not take home obvious marks which would give the game away.
I am sorry that many men are so unsatisfied in their sex lives that their only outlet for their desires is with a PD. I wish everyone was totally sexually compatible and we all lived happily ever after.
Life isn't like that. That is Disneyland. Lives are complex, and just saying 'No' to your overriding passion is neither easy nor necessarily a good thing.
I have known several men who have confessed their bdsm desires to their wives of many years and without exception all the women divorced them within five years. One man's wife left him there and then and visited a solicitor the next day and never spoke to him again. Not exactly an encouragement to be honest, is it?
So, people need to look to PDs for complication free release of their sexual desires. Well, it isn't morally perfect but then none of life is.
It is the simplest and easiest thing in the world to tell ( as many happily partnered up bdsm people on IC do) that others must go without. They must do this or that. Screw that, honestly, it is sanctimonious rubbish. Live an hour in other people's shoes before being so judgemental.
I personally dislike smoking but as long as it is not done near to me and harming me, then live and let live. I wouldn't dream of telling others what to do. I know what I would and wouldn't do myself in all kinds of ethical situations but that is a different matter.
PDs are mostly decent, intelligent, funny, friendly women who make a lot of frustrated, sometimes lonely, often misunderstood men very happy. I love what I do and am extremely proud of it. I have never ripped anyone off, short timed them, been anything less than professional and willing to make sessions great for myself and the sub. I have nothing to feel ashamed or defensive about.
I do feel the right to defend my subs though. Coming to see a PD is not an easy step for them, they do feel guilty and are often very stressed with work and family pressures. Most guys who come to see me are the main or only salary earner and work hard for their families. They love them but also often have wives who are have lost whatever interest they did have in sex due to childrearing issues, illness, menopause and so on. No one should have to go without sexual pleasure of some kind.
The subs I see just want some pleasurable release from their stressful lives and I have no problem in being the person who makes them feel good enough and strong enough to take on all their responsibilities again. I look at it that some men have vanilla affairs to cope with life, others have time consuming hobbies golf, fishing,football, some drink, place bets, smoke cigars on their own in the garden for an hour every night and some spend that hour in the company of a PD once a month. Good gracious, in the scheme of things there must be worse things a man can do than that.

hear hear
Fantabulously put!!!

www.mistresssusannah.co.uk

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