Posted by skyfox
on Wed 27 May 09, 5:04 PM to skyfox's blog.
Following on from this thread and this blog, here is the advice I would most like to imaprt to newbies.
You have made a bold step in coming to IC. In doing so, you have realised you are curious about the other options besides what maintream society dictates. However, you may have a lot of questions, many of which can be handled by one task: accept yourself.
"Is my kink normal/sick/perverted/wrong?" You are who you are, and it's more important for you to feel comfortable with your kink than what others think. YKIOK,IJNMY.
"When did I first start being kinky?" You are who you are, and it's more important for you to accept the present than to overanalyse the past. Rather than solely looking inward, read up on what psychologists (recent and dead) and other writers (like Pat Califia) had to say on the subject. In the end, it doesn't really matter; only you can change who you are.
"What the best way to approach a Dom/me/sub/beet root?" You are who you are, and it's better to approach as yourself, just as you would in normal society, than to affect a persona or role. Hate to break it to you, but kinky dating is a lot like normal vanilla dating only the end result is slightly different.
"Am I Dom/sub enough?" You are who you are, and it's better to be comfortable with how your kink expresses itself than to buy into the "twoo" dom/sub ideals perpetuated by the media and BDSM snobs. Take your time, learn from others, and keep an open mind. Life is for growing, and nobody starts out on the same page, and few people end up on the same page either.
"I feel guilty for my kink." You are who you are, and it's better to be true to yourself than to allow your life to be dictated by digmas. Examine what part of you feels guilty, and decide which is more important to you: self respect or the thing which makes you feel guilty.
"Am I still a feminist?" Do you believe in equal rights for women? Do you believe women should have a choice to express their sexuality however they please? If so, then, yes, you are still a feminist. There are lots of references about feminism and female submission, some good and some bollocks. Just remember to be true to yourself.
"I'm single! Waa!" "Nobody responds to my memos!" "I'm shy." You are who you are, and if you don't accept yourself, how can anyone else? Take a deep breath, spend time on learning who you are, and above all, remember you are who you are and that's okay. Unless you're an asshole, but that's easily enough fixed by patience, an open mind, a willingness to listen to others, and self acceptance.
Edited: see below.
Edited Thu 28 May 09, 1:43 PM by skyfox
| 27 May 09, 5:45 PM DaddysTouch UK(RG), 3 yrs  |
I'd add: "Is there anyone else here who likes feet/being shat on/blindfolding someone/eating pussy/face slapping/being forced to suck dick/being shot in the face?" No. You are alone in the world and it's probably best you end it all. Drink poison. It's only hubris if I fail. | ||||
| 27 May 09, 5:57 PM skyfox UK(EH), 5 yrs  |
Oh come now! We all know that no matter what a woman looks like, some man somewhere will have a fetish for some part of her, and that for every fetish there is an equal and opposite fetish somewhere on the planet. (You may have to look for a while and make compromises, but hey, it's out there.) but if drinking poison *is* your fetish... The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. | ||||
| 27 May 09, 7:24 PM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
But surely we know this not to be true for millions of women. Mistakenly thinking that every woman in the world has equal sexual agency doesn't say anything about whether you're a feminist or not. Some are more equal than others. "Well-behaved women rarely make history" Edited 27 May 09, 7:40 PM by verte | ||||
| 27 May 09, 7:52 PM skyfox UK(EH), 5 yrs |
I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Are you saying there should be a 'should' in my sentence? Or are you suggesting sexual equality isn't related to feminism? The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. | ||||
| 27 May 09, 9:06 PM InHeels UK(DD), 3 yrs |
Thanks for this. It is actually quite nervy being here and reading everything. I had no idea such a large active community was on the web for UK people until I stumbled upon this site... | ||||
| 28 May 09, 9:50 AM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
The former.
"Well-behaved women rarely make history" | ||||
| 28 May 09, 1:45 PM skyfox UK(EH), 5 yrs |
Sentence repaired. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. |
And may all women have lots of orgasms. (Unless that's not your 'thing'.) 