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| x_Pan_x |
on Mon 25 May 09, 8:46 AM to x_Pan_x's blog.
Tags: Southend on Sea (SS)
I'm not a joiner.
It's okay this isn't going to be an extended whinge about how I wished I'd become a carpenter, so that I could make my own St Andrew's Cross with neatly dove tailed joints and a brilliant job on the sanding.
What I mean is I don't join things. I've never been a member of a club, not even the Tufty Club, which was a shame because they had some seriously good club gear and cool pictures of Squirrels crossing the road.
My dad took me to join the Boys Brigade when I was about ten. The guy in the uniform asked me if I believed in God. I said, “Well all the evidence points towards a callous unfeeling universe with no obviously demonstrable guiding intelligence...” Well that's what I said in my rose tinted nostalgic fantasy, what I actually uttered was, “No,” which was at least honest, open and truthful.
They didn't let me join.
I'm not sure if that rejection at an early age has buggered things up for me as I entered adult life, but still I've never joined anything.
Which brings me to Munches.
I've been to a few, and to be honest they didn't take. I've been thinking recently about why that is, and what is it about them that turns me off. It's not that I don't like kinky people – au contraire – kinky people are great, some of the best submissive women I've beaten into subspace have been kinky as hell – yes, I know that might come as a surprise to you, but stick with me on this. The whole BDSM thing too is an absolute turn on. I love to think about BDSM, and I love to talk about it. Not in the queue at the Tesco checkout though – that last time almost caused an attack of the vapours and a whole raft of broken eggs. Ahem.
So Munches. Full of Kinky people talking about BDSM, what's not to like?
Well, yes, but it's getting dangerously close to “joining” something isn't it? Which as we've already established is not really on my agenda.
It's also about politics.
No, wait, don't leave – not that kind of politics, however much I'd like to see David Cameron suspended from the ceiling with a violet wand inserted into his Members' Entrance, I won't be getting all party political. What I mean is, it's the politics of groups.
I've seen it in all walks of life, the group dynamics, the roles, the egos and the showboating – BDSM is not immune to the coruscating influence of the petty and the mundane. Just because we're all in touch with our feelings, and have our well defined roles, and are adept at channelling the energies of power, doesn't meant that quite frankly we can't act like idiots. In fact until I really got into the swing of my first Munch, I thought that acting like an idiot was what everyone was supposed to do. Thinking back, the drooling wall of single guys homing in on the one or two single women in the room was an object lesson in the art of idiocy, and would have been wonderfully amusing if it hadn't been a little pathetic. The Munch was no different to any other social gathering of the kind - in that, instead of bringing people together, it threw their insecurities and their inability to behave in a socially coherent way into sharp relief, and then you mixed in the alcohol. By the end of the evening it was like Dawn of the Dead with Thigh Boots. Interesting in concept, but the execution was always going to be a bit of a let down.
Munches are like Camera Clubs and Amateur Dramatics societies. They are absolutely not representative of all the people in the area who own cameras, would like to act or have a penchant for having wide bore needles driven with exquisite slowness through their nipples. What Munches are, are representative of the people in the BDSM community who are joiners.
And I'm not a joiner.
Also I'm not a believer in the ghettoising of sexual proclivities. I don't feel the need to have a club that says it's okay for me to be a Sadist, I don't need affirmation and I'm secure enough in my sexuality to be comfortable with telling the 'nilla people in my life that I care about what my bag is if they ask.
My son came to me a few years ago, he was fifteen, and asked “Dad are you into that *Gothic Sex* All that whips and chains?” Did I lie? Nope – I just told him that when he's older there are a huge number of ways to have fun with another person in the bedroom – and the joy was in the discovery. He hasn't asked me about it since and seemed comfortable with my answer, but I digress.
Now obviously there are people who are unsure about their proclivities, who don't get the affirmation they desire in their relationships or life - who see a Munch as a way of meeting like minded people and feeling okay about what they do, or what they like to have done to them. I'm not saying that Munches are a waste of time, and that I'm sure they serve a purpose, but from my, albeit limited experience of about seven different Munches, I don't feel the balance is correct between welcoming, healing space and naff cattle market.
I also think they're in danger of adding to the siege mentality and the ghettoising of what we do – coupled with collecting a bunch of Wannabe Alpha Doms, Letches, LookithowsubIcanbe Subs, Dims, and Flouncers in one place and exposing them to the public at large isn't going to do the community, such as it is, any favours.
If only there was some electronic system, a Science Fictiony idea of a worldwide net-like apparatus that allowed all humanity to plug into all the information they might need on a subject and to meet like minded people.
I'd join that.
Next week In Syberia – “Play Clubs”
Edited Sun 7 Feb 10, 11:08 PM by x_Pan_x
| 25 May 09, 7:55 PM x_Pan_x UK(E), 8 yrs |
Ah so this is how I get the weblog listed. Pesky settings. The expedition of my violent love, outrun the pauser reason. |
| 28 Jun 09, 9:05 AM Degenerate  UK(M), 5 yrs   |
I think you make some great points here. I have to say though, this is my favourite. "No, wait, don't leave – not that kind of politics, however much I'd like to see David Cameron suspended from the ceiling with a violet wand inserted into his Members' Entrance, I won't be getting all party political." De Sign up to CAAN's statement www.caan.org.uk |
