This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 19 May 09, 1:18 AM kaleidoscopeglare UK(G), 3 yrs  |
I find this intriguing as I have a keen interest in Psychology (I began studying it at University but then changed major) and also have found the subject of why I am drawn to this particular world one that has kept my wee mind busy for some time. I think I used to be worried that my draw to dominance in women did, in fact, stem from some underlying need to be looked after and this was something I was not at all comfortable with.
However, after finishing Uni and sorting out some problems I have had I am now aware that I am still attracted to the same strong Women. Thus, my attraction to the concept of submission has less bearing on any real need to be guided and a LOT more to do with the fact that it tickles my sexual imagination. Only my tuppence worth on the situation. Intersting to contemplate though. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. | |
| 19 May 09, 7:51 AM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs   |
No... I don't seek broken people, I find it much more satisfying to have a whole one. "Truth is stranger than fiction." | |
| 19 May 09, 8:08 AM Phoenyx UK(NW), 4 yrs |
I was an emotional maschist and had a Daddy that wanted to fix me. it stopped being play, and just ended up being a very draining carer/patient style relationship. And then when I managed to fix MYSELF, there was very little left for U/us to do. I would never get into this kind of dynamic again. IMHO it's not healthy. 'All I care about is sex and violence
A heavy bass line is my kind of silence' | |
| 19 May 09, 8:16 AM mcncirce  UK(BH), 9 yrs |
I don't see the desire to look after someone and cater to their needs as being a Dominant trait at all. As a submissive I am there to cater to my Master's needs, to do everything I can to make his life run smoothly. I serve, and I would not be able to do that if I had a need to be saved from my own life. Also I don't see BDSM submissives as being weak or failing people whose lives are crashing and burning around them. I resent the assumption that submissives are passive creatures unable to contend with what life throws at them. I do agree though that BDSM does draw those types to it. A bit like transexuals and transvestites are thrown together. They are worlds apart but there is a feeling of acceptance and safety in being drawn under the same umbrella at times. A piece from a 1994 article on consent says it best I think
Michelle | |
| 19 May 09, 8:16 AM Janie_0 UK(G), 8 yrs |
It has been my experience of BDSM - not just IC either. It's crossed my mind once or twice whether broken submissives are manipulating the doms who have the protectiveness instinct as a way of gaining attention. something deep. | |
| 19 May 09, 8:36 AM saraxx UK, 7 yrs |
I would surmise that such a situation makes them feel stronger and more depended upon. In fact, more than one potential Ds relationship never really got off the ground because I am boringly well balanced. Thankfully, there are also plenty of dominants who prefer to find someone who is pretty sorted and a long way from emotionally needy. All in all, it just pays to take the time to find someone who matches your personal requirements and personality - same as in vanilla relationships of course. For every emotionally needy sub there will be a dominant who responds positively to that need, and for every non needy sub there will be a dominant who very much values that fact.
'A woman, without her man, is nothing. | |
| 19 May 09, 8:42 AM Achilleus UK(M), 3 yrs |
Personally I prefer fucked up, difficult to manage girls and refer to them as 'damaged goods'. However, having dated vanilla and kink girls I believe there are as many damaged goods in the vanilla world as the BDSM world. In short they are all daughters of the devil  | |
| 19 May 09, 8:45 AM The_Colonel_Whatwhat 3 yrs |
I want to do what I want to do. I have no intention of breaking someone, in fact its the opposite, I want to build her to be all she can be.
Yes I know others don't talk of love but for me that has to be the bedrock of any relationship. Of course that means that I expect to be adored for being who I am too
BUT when it comes down to the fight and the will power - bring it on! In play I'll break her and win I came, I saw, I concurred | |
| 19 May 09, 8:48 AM The_Colonel_Whatwhat 3 yrs |
My sub is in no way broken. I do agree with you though, there are others who seek someone to "tell" them what they should do and pass the buck of being responsible for their own mental state.
I came, I saw, I concurred | |
| 19 May 09, 8:52 AM Katena UK(M), 8 yrs |
I have a friend who beleives that everyone who is 'into BDSM and on the scene' is broken and that is why they are 'in the scene'. She thinks that in most something is missing, like their self confidence or self worth and that from spending time with others in the same predicament that they find their salvation and become healed and will eventually move away from being 'in the scene'. She does note that being into the 'kinky side' of things doesn't mean your broken - just kinky! The distinction is made to those who are 'actively in the scene' and attend munches/clubs etc. Weve had many an interesting conversation - needless to say. From a submissive POV i can see why its attractive to have a Dominant who is protective/caring/nurturing and who guides and supports you through life. Tho i guess this doesn't explicitly mean it has to be in a D/s relationship. Agian, a different friend of mine is a complete 'carer' - my belief is that she needs to be needed and it means she doesn't have to focus on any of her issues! Who knows! k I've ran out of sick days...so i'm calling in dead |
