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| glamourpuss |
on Thu 7 May 09, 7:34 PM to glamourpuss's blog.
Last October I wrote about a very dear friend of mine who suddenly had a stroke. Well, a few week's ago she had another stroke and yesterday morning she passed away. I last saw her on Saturday in a hospice. She was unconscious and had been ever since the second stroke.
I very nearly didn't go to see her on Saturday. I didn't want my last memory of her to be of her looking so old and so very weak. Until then the last time I'd seen her she'd been well, and animated. That was the day before her first stroke. But I knew that if I didn't go I would regret it.
I've pretty much been grieving her ever since she had her first stroke and although Saturday was really bloody hard, I sort of thought I'd come to terms with it. I thought that I'd accepted that she was gone. In fact yesterday I thought I was doing ok in the circumstances. But of course grief is not that simple. Today I've just felt really down all day and it wouldn't shift. Although I feel that I have a great deal to be thankful for in my life - a fantastic man whom I love very much, incredibly supportive friends both scene and vanilla, my little cat who's nearly always able to bring a smile to my face - today I've felt quite joyless, and unable to feel enthusiastic about anything. Low, at times endlessly so.
I know that every day it'll hurt a little bit less. I know that it'll take time. It's not easy to lose someone who was family even though I wasn't related to them. So many memories, now incredibly precious. I know how I will honour her memory and remember her. Just right now I have to take things one day at a time.
Edited Fri 8 May 09, 7:58 AM by glamourpuss
| 7 May 09, 7:54 PM Kinky_Vidushaka UK(SW), 3 yrs |
Oh how awful for you. I really do feel for you, so have a warm hug from me to say I know what you must be going through. I have been lucky in a way, my mum had her second stroke about a month ago and has shattered one of her hips (had a partial hip replacement op). So far I have not had the courage to go see her yet. Your blog has pushed me to rectify that next week. I have been scared of what I will see when I do see her. My daughter;s mother was a wreck when I saw her in hospital over a year ago after she was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. I find it extremely hard to go see her as my good and old memories of her are dying when I do see her. I hope you look back on your friendship with your friend and remember all the times with her, whether they are good or bad memories as you will smile to yourself about them all I am sure. | |
| 7 May 09, 7:59 PM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs |
Sending you good thoughts. PGK 'My Brothers, My Sisters, My Blood...' | |
| 7 May 09, 8:09 PM Top_Kat UK(GL), 3 yrs   |
Grief certainly isn't that simple. My dear mum passed away a couple of weeks ago, only a matter of days after being told she had terminal cancer. Seeing someone who is so far from the person we have shared times with is incredibly hard, finding our way after they have passed is even harder. I wish you peaceful and gentle days and hope your own memories will bring you comfort during the days ahead. Regards, Kat | |
| 7 May 09, 8:28 PM camTastic UK(CB), 8 yrs |
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, grief affects everyone differently, I still can't get over losing someone 3 years ago, everyday I think of it, and how it's changed me. Time never heals, it just puts distance between the pain and memories. Enjoy your memories, talk about them, that's a key part. Best wishes x | |
| 7 May 09, 8:59 PM Cagoulion UK, 7 yrs |
I'm sorry to hear of the death of your friend, it was very obvious from your first post how much you cared for her. We really do never know the minute when bad news will come, I always tell people to live like there is no tomorrow. Sometimes there isn't. At least she is at peace and not suffering now. Best wishes Cag | |
| 8 May 09, 7:59 AM glamourpuss UK(CF), 5 yrs |
Thank you all for your words, they're very much appreciated. Even the stars look brighter tonight, Nothing's impossible | |
| 8 May 09, 10:29 PM sirsangel UK, 6 yrs |
I'm so sorry I went through a similar thing recently xxx
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| 11 May 09, 8:22 AM Tawsemann 6 yrs |
It's good that you know that, even if right now you don't really believe it. That you will not see her again is deeply sad and hard to bear but the precious memories can mean that you have not really lost her. Somewhere, in a part of your heart, she still exists. The next best thing to playing and winning is playing and losing. | |
| 15 May 09, 11:56 PM respectfully_yours UK(SN), 7 yrs |
Hello Scarlet i am so sorry to hear of your pain ... but always remember whilst she is not hear in the flesh she will always be around you ... and one day you will be reunited ...for now though keep her memories think of her even in quite times talk to her ..if you ever find you have miss placed something ask her for help ... she will always help you ... maybe she was one of your soul mates ... love and light mark |
