Posted by electricfog on Mon 4 May 09, 7:33 PM to electricfog's blog.
Tags: Walsall (WS)
I'll need it for the day I go totally batshit and butcher my neighbours.
There are two parents, two children, and one Jack Russell.
I want to stuff the (totally untrained and yappy) JR down the throat of the youngest (age about 24) daughter. Dog never shuts up and nor does she. She sits on the back step and has VERY LOUD and VERY BORING 'phone conversations with (probably) the speaking clock. When she's not doing that, she's either teasing the dog to make it yap, or imagining that she can sing.
She couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket, and her bedroom wall adjoins mine.
| 4 May 09, 7:40 PM Scribbles UK(RH), 4 yrs  |
Buy a drum-kit. On no account learn how to play it, just bash away at it randomly. Make a recording of this, then dispose of the kit/evidence, and play the recording (whilst wearing ear-plugs) from 2-5 am. | |
| 4 May 09, 7:43 PM andrewsean UK(CO), 5 yrs  |
put on your kind of music, turn the speakers to the wall, turn up to 11 and sod off out for the weekend leaving the cd on repeat, as for the dog, buy massive fireworks and have a birthday bbq for anyone close to their birthday, wait till the dog is in the garden, then set off massive fireworks that should help it with it's evening poop in the garden remember folks......it's only kinky the first time Edited 4 May 09, 7:44 PM by andrewsean | |
| 4 May 09, 7:48 PM Jode15 UK, 5 yrs |
Can't do the alibi but either try your local council to complain about the noise nuisance (keep a diary and make recordings if possible) or do what I did with neighbours I had about 25 years ago (before local councils had to take domestic noise nuisance seriously). Should the dog be outside unobserved by the owners throw a jug of cold water in its face every time it yaps or invest in something called a "dog dazer" neither will hurt it but the shock will train it. Pick a nice day to do the following. 1/ Turn your speakers to the connecting wall. 2/ Pick an album you like (opera works really well!). 3/ Turn volume to FULL. 4/ Set album playing. 5/ Go outside with a book, chair and drink. 6/ Look as if you don't have a care in the world. Generally it only takes the one day (if you like your other neighbours warn them what you're going to do if you don't think they'll rat on you to the obnoxious ones). IF they forget the "lesson" some time later just repeat the exercise. You are allowed to make noise between 7a.m. and 11p.m. Good luck. | |
| 4 May 09, 7:49 PM abbey7uk UK(GL), 7 yrs |
Ah, bit late now as everyone will know and dob us in. You should have memod me privatly then you and I could have both had an alibi whilst someone else got busy with the chainsaw lol If I suck on your Jelly Tots, will you lick my Lollipop? | |
| 4 May 09, 7:59 PM electricfog UK, 7 yrs |
Thanks for the suggestions - I ought to have given a bit more info, I suppose. These people do not frighten easily, as I've lived next door to them for around 19 years. They have caught me: Nude sunbathing Talking to worms/snails/beetles in the garden Ironing my carpet Dancing to VERY LOUD MUSIC whilst on the top of a ladder Explaining to cats just where I am going, and why Breaking up cat fights Juggling dead mice/birds in my back yard Covering a young cat in butter
Er, they're probably looking for an alibi for when they get rid of me | |
| 4 May 09, 8:09 PM picksy UK(PL), 4 yrs |
Are you a crazy woman ? Covering a cat in butter ! Far healthier using flora or the likes of ! tut tut A wise man once said "dont wipe your bum on a broken bottle " | |
| 4 May 09, 8:13 PM Tenderdom2 4 yrs |
Hang on, none of those things are annoying. Quite the opposite in some cases; the nude sunbathing in particular is very public-spirited of you.
Whatever it is, I'm against it! - Rufus T. Firefly | |
| 4 May 09, 8:20 PM jenevieve UK(CH), 4 yrs |
I'll be yours if you'll be mine when I too give in to the urge to dispose of the ASBO lot next door to me!
As to JRT quietening, water pistol/water gun is my advice or hosepipe! I just wish to remove next doors avian population as well as they put them out by day cos they dont like the noise they make?????!!!! (why Oh why Oh why???) I sympathise, I reckon a holiday booked in the Isle of Man should do for an alibi what do you think? Edited 4 May 09, 8:21 PM by jenevieve | |
| 4 May 09, 8:26 PM electricfog UK, 7 yrs |
Probably. I covered her in butter because she'd been stuck up a conifer for hours on the hottest day of the year. I tried to climb it myself (unsuccessfully) and the neighbours sat in their garden chairs to watch. When I finally got Trouty-Fat-Pads down from the birds' nest she was sitting in, we were both covered in needles, dead spiders, muck, bird-poo and tree resin. Only the tree resin was dangerous, so I had to cover The Trout in butter, so I could ease it from her fur with kitchen roll. | |
| 4 May 09, 9:01 PM Litany UK(E), 11 yrs |
40 quid and its castiron "Litany, a poncy show-off with wit, a camera, and his own teeth *swoon*" |
