This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 5 May 09, 11:00 AM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs   |
This is a really good way of looking at it, for me, because i think you are right that it is harder to hide when there are more than two of you..."you can fool some of the people some of the time, etc"...And yes, once unhidden, things can be dealt with and moved on from.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said i just don't care? It's only half past the point of no return...the Thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phrase (Pink) | |||
| 5 May 09, 11:02 AM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
The lady speaks wisely!
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said i just don't care? It's only half past the point of no return...the Thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phrase (Pink) | |||
| 5 May 09, 11:16 AM x_Thunder_x UK(E), 9 yrs    |
IMs - memos - emails - even phone calls can often be misconstrued and yes it is not a poly issue - face to face, body language, facial expressions, eyes etc. are important in communications ^Thunder^ | |||
| 5 May 09, 1:16 PM Cinnamon_Tart UK(S), 8 yrs |
I don't feel that there is an exponential increase in feelings. I think there is a lot more room for euphoria and excitement (best of both worlds and all that) but also misunderstanding, hidden or undisclosed agendas, and insecurity. Also think greed can muddy the waters. And blind people to the effects of their actions and behaviours. I think there is a tendency to get hooked up on the "Woo hoo, look what I can do/have!" I also think it's very very hard if some of the group are naturally suited to poly, and others aren't. I find it immensely difficult taking account of others' insecurities. There is only so much you can ever do to help someone deal with poly. Ultimately the acceptance (or not) has to come internally. If that doesn't happen, or has happened, but then wanes if the relationship deepens, there is no choice but to back off or walk away. Tricky business. Regarding the question of maintaining more heads than tails, it's always about honesty, openness, pragmatism, and also I think an ability to remain somehow detached. Detached in the sense you are able to sensibly keep an eye on the dynamics, and not get lost(too much!) in feelings and experiences.
Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions | |||
| 5 May 09, 3:30 PM Degenerate  UK(M), 5 yrs   |
Aint that the truth. Mine lately seems to be more difficult than usual, some struggles with various matters. Cor sometimes it's bloody hard work emotionally! But overall I wouldn't swap it, because as you say, there is more of everything else too. De Sign up to CAAN's statement www.caan.org.uk Edited 5 May 09, 3:31 PM by Degenerate | |||
| 7 May 09, 11:25 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs    |
I relate to this too. In the day to day nitty gritty of poly it's frequently time and intimacy which rear their ugly heads as issues for me. Specifically the time to be intimate as often as not! I find sharing emotions less difficult than I thought I might. What I find harder is actually sharing them in shared time. I can feel very happy about my partner's love for others when I think of them spending time together; I find it harder when we are all together. I value the kind of free-flow of intimate expression between my partner/Mistress and myself which can only be achieved when we are alone together (in a sense of alone without other partners rather than alone entirely). Shared time has it's own pleasures but is a time for mindfulness on everyone's part as we all try to navigate each other's feelings and sensitvities. Sometimes this seems to flow quite naturally and easily and other times it feels like a lot of effort is required. In reality we don't spend a lot of shared time together. It just seems to be what is on my mind at the moment. Another day it will be a different thing on my mind! There's certainly always stuff to think about when there are more people involved because interconnecting relationships have so many more variables than one to one relationhips I think. I've always wanted a poly relationship and feel a wonderful sense of freedom in this kind of relationship. I love the freedom of being free to feel and express a range of feelings from sexual attraction to deep love for other people, without that threatening my relationship. I enjoy the feeling of security knowing that our relationship is based on it's own merits and demerits and that ultimately although others will affect our relationship, our relationship is about us and not about what we feel for or do with others.
I certainly like being poly, but I do wish they would invent a way to squeeze a few more days in the week.
"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 Edited 7 May 09, 11:29 PM by pinkylucy | |||
| 7 May 09, 11:37 PM TheKey UK(N), 4 yrs |
One major problem is, once you get to the state steph89 talks about you are working with huge amounts of trust and it's put to test often. At this point it only takes one person to make a mistake to have a devastating effect on those involved. | |||
| 8 May 09, 10:10 AM TwistedSnowWhite 3 yrs |
Over the last year or so, I've become very aware of what I've always felt subconciously. I am poly. Before I became active in expressing this, I would have said I would feel insane jelousy at the thought of a partner having feelings for anyone other than me. So to relalise that, in actual fact, this was not the case, was such an eye opener, an epiphany almost. I knew I was capable of loving more than one person, I'd often been confronted with the age old dillema "Who do I love more" And felt I had to compromise and chose one. But as I became more in tune with my feelings I realised that doesn't have to be the case. If you have strong feelings toward more than one person, then by nurturing each realationship you really ARE being true to yourself. The key, I think, is communication. But not only that, you have to completley trust your partners sentiments. Once you see that your relationship is not affected, then its easy to relax and enjoy it for what it is. Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body........ Rather, to skid in, broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW, what a ride! | |||
| 8 May 09, 10:39 PM silver_lotus UK(CB), 3 yrs |
I think it is also an often forgotten aspect of the amount of written 'conversation' or dialogue we have now, and its very easy to send a message or memo or e-mail which says something that can be interpreted in several ways, for that very reason, there is no body language, there is no tone, there are no clues as to how the words were meant, so what you write is not necessarily what will be read. I tend when sending texts to always add a smiley and always end with a small token of love, just so my words are not taken as irritation or shortness or anything else that might be negative, but it is much harder to do it this way. At least with phone calls you can get the voice tone, but even then the message is less useful as you don't have the body language, the face, the expressions...
'To Oblivion, and beyond!' | |||
| 9 May 09, 3:45 AM DontSpareTheRod UK(W), 4 yrs |
I guess that depends on wether poly is a life style choice, or because your playing to mutualy enjoy bdsm (not just the sex and beatings but the dynamic) untill you find... "the one" or if poly is a fully considered life style choice that you at least do not think is going to change at this moment. if the latter then perhaps i could see more emotion (i wouldn't say more joy though, i don't think more partners means more joy, you still get the same amount of joy, it's just mono you get lots of joy from one person, poly less joy from each person but more people to get it from) there are lots of variables involved i think it entirley depends on the person and their personality, i dont think question can ever be answerd because im sure it will be totaly different for everyone I beleive in Karma, it basicaly means i can be as cruel to people as i like and just asume they deserve it |
),...also more insecurity, more misunderstandings...
