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Sexual incompatibility (30)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

28 Apr 09, 11:51 AM
Mabesque
UK(LS), 4 yrs

Lady_Lucan wrote:
Obviously with F/m the consensual arousal of the male is required for penetrative sex, so in some respects the scenario is more egalitarian.

Although I'm told fear can produce a similar response. I've not tested it, of course. But I presume consent isn't necessary - a woman can not consent to sex and still be aroused/have an orgasm, so I don't know that the same can't be true of a man. Not to mention things like Viagra.

You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

28 Apr 09, 11:55 AM
Tandaradei
UK(CB), 3 yrs

northerngal_66 wrote:

CarolinaMoon wrote:
One of my oldest friends is about to get married and plans on staying a virgin until her wedding night. I know its her choice but can't help thinking she should at least have a squeeze of the fruit before buying them.

I couldn't agree more.. I can't think of anything worse than finding it just didn't do anything for you on the night of your wedding or it was just a load of fumbling around!!! Eeeek...

The only difference between the old days and now is that it's far easier and quicker to get a divorce and it's far more accepted too... I think waiting to find out something as important as sexual compatability until your wedding night is asking for trouble!! JMO....

Mind you, a good friend of wanted to wait with sex until her wedding night. On one side, you'd say 'foolish' but on the other hand - I doubt she and her husband are using any contraceptives (for religious reasons) other than the 'natural' methods. Conceiving kids out of wedlock and all that.

28 Apr 09, 12:15 PM
MissP
UK(EN), 8 yrs

However lovely the person was, I simply couldn't be with someone I wasn't sexually compatible with. I've done it before, and it ends in tears.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MissP-Dominatrix/

28 Apr 09, 12:53 PM
Purrverse
US, 7 yrs

The_Inner_Whore wrote:
Something that nobody has discussed so far, but I'm sure you'll all recognize when I mention it, is the importance of sex as a tool of self expression, communication and validation of the people involved in the relationship.

I don't know what it is, but good sex unlocks something that bonds you to the other person(s). It reveals parts of you that you can only share with a few. When this happens it's wonderful, and it's nothing to do with being kinky or not, with being great at giving blowjobs or not. It opens a path and creates a bond. I know I'm sounding terribly esoterical, apologies.

When this happens, you and the other person(s) enrich, encourage, make the other resonate at many levels. You feel very in tune, understood, encouraged, and all that good stuff. Good sex that validates and amplifies you doesn't happen in a vacuum.

When sex isn't so good, it's usually because this channels reamin firmly closed, and nothing on earth can open them. It's not exactly a lack of trust that prevents you from opening up, it's the instinctive knowledge that that person isn't going to read you at that level.

I've had great sex with people who wouldn't unveil this very private side of me, nor me theirs, in a million years. Good chums. And poor sex with some great guys who seemed perfect and in tune, in theory, but then... It's a mystery, but when it happens, it's wonderful: you feel justified, validated, more than the sum of the parts that conform the relationship. And it's what a relationship should be about, to make you feel like a million dollars.

Mumbo jumbo over.

See, I've felt that connection for sure. No doubt. However, sometimes that's with people I love, and sometimes with a fuck buddy. And I've felt it fairly easily, though it's a small percentage of the partners I've had.

One of the things I've noticed is that sometimes that incredible connection is there for a few times, but not others. Ot sometimes, everything will fall into place just right and bam, that spark ignites. For me that means it's not just about the person, it's about the circumstances surrounding the play that enable me to make that bond happen.

To address the question- if I was monogamous, yes, sexual chemistry consistantly would be very important, and the lack of it would be a dealbreaker. However, I'm not, so I can enjoy the sexual energy of multiple people, and together, they make... Captaiin Planet! Wait, no. But they do make me happy and a satisfied kitten.

"I can't tell if you're playing some kind of feminazi mind fuck game on me or if you're trying to seduce me." -Sex and Death 101

Edited 28 Apr 09, 12:57 PM by Purrverse

28 Apr 09, 1:48 PM
Pyewacket
UK(DG), 3 yrs

Scribbles wrote:
Personally I find that non-monogamy is a huge step forward, not just in practice but even as simply a feeling of potential freedom. It is wonderful not to have to be all things to one person.

I wish i could be non-monogamuos but i can't even pronounce it!

29 Apr 09, 2:47 PM
Scribbles
UK(RH), 4 yrs

I've been in love a few times with people with whom the sex was very tender, very meaningful, but still not as the Inner Whore describes in a great post. This was all a good long while ago when I had more hang-ups than a puppet theatre, so it says more about me than anything else, perhaps.

5 May 09, 2:16 AM
steph89
CA, 3 yrs

personally, if i'm in love with someone, the sex isn't that important, as long as there is lots of physical affection.

i don't think this perspective is too common... maybe because i'm so gosh darn good at masturbating!!

5 May 09, 4:02 AM
Trussedworthy
UK(NW), 6 yrs

wibwib wrote:
Sexual compatibility is a must for me when I'm in a relationship. My last one ended because my ex wasn't into kink at all, and as much as she tried to get into it with some encouragement she was really uncomfortable with just the basic elements that I like. As kink is such an essential part of me it was unfair for me to expect her to do it knowing she didn't like it, so I ended the relationship.

In the future, if I meet someone who doesn't initially know this side of me, then it will definitely be a topic of conversation before we go down the relationship road!

Absolutely, agreed. My current GF was a bit of a kink virgin but with a promising sadistic streak and quite a dominant personality. She's taken to it like a duck to water and we haven't looked back. Does she enjoy tying me up and whipping my ass? Is the sex great? Hell yeah!

Edited 5 May 09, 4:03 AM by Trussedworthy

5 May 09, 7:53 AM
wonderer
UK, 5 yrs

Another fan of The_Inner_Whore's posting. I think we yearn for intimacy, for closeness, self disclosure, and for mutuality; and in sexual and BDSM interactions we find and express these desires in a most intense and personal way. Even in asymmetrical BDSM interactions I think it's still about mutual giving.

There are other kinds of intimacy and commitment which are equally valid as part of a rich and varied life. Like Scribbles I don't think we need necessarily to depend on a single partner to satuisfy all our varied and varying needs and desires.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

5 May 09, 8:09 AM
MistressRouge
UK(B), 6 yrs
£

Great sex, is the responsibility of both parties. Sometimes some, just need a little guidance, to what makes you tick

I look at the bigger picture, and believe many that do not match in sexual style/technique etc, have had very bad sexual partners or people that have just put up and shut up lol. So nothing wrong with a lil education

I also agree, that being in love, and being loved, usually outweighs everything

" The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it and your soul grows sick with longing, for the things it has forbidden itself" Oscar Wilde
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