ThedaVamp's profile . ThedaVamp's homepage
Posted by ThedaVamp on Sat 25 Apr 09, 5:40 PM to ThedaVamp's blog.
...out there who actually enjoys, actively seeks being seen as a fantasy Pez dispenser? I don't think I've met one.
Again and again we hear the sad tales of dominant women being viewed as objects to fulfill the dreams of submissives who can't understand why the women aren't that into them, or where they're going wrong.
Women and men who are seeking a relationship with meaning and kink and fabulousness, take themselves off the market, as it were, because they're exhausted by being objectified.
Foot fetishists in clubs for example, who can't understand why women exasperatedly say 'Go away. No I don't want a bloody foot massage!' even when they're tottering in uncomfortable heels and actually do want one.
I've looked at pretty boys, drooled over gorgeous girls, have a particular penchant for dominant women's attitudes, personalities etc. But not once have I ever assumed that the individual object's of my desire are anything other than 'real' people, with real needs and personalities and desires of their own.
There seems to be an element of sociopathy in these individuals who persistently seek 'the perfect domme' and I can't help feeling that the constant level of disappointment they experience, instead of encouraging them to alter their perceptions, actually reinforces this falsehood. Leading to further disappointment down the road.
It's seems to be a dangerous cycle, as the individual in question, ends up having their desires thwarted again by their own inability to see others as actual real people - flaws and all.
So how do we end the cycle?
Are these sociopaths capable of changing their ways, for their own benefit?
Do we care? Strangely in some ways I do.
| 25 Apr 09, 5:54 PM nuthatch UK(SS), 5 yrs  |
Of course we should care because we want people to be happy. I think you're just describing the dating game in general. I don't think it's exclusive to subs and dommes is it? | |
| 25 Apr 09, 5:55 PM Butterscotch UK(RM), 3 yrs  |
Porn has a lot to answer for, and some people can become just too single minded on hedonistic pleasure seeking lol Do I care? Only when it impacts negatively on me, my tolerance levels aren't especially high. | |
| 25 Apr 09, 5:58 PM bursar UK(BA), 10 yrs |
I am of the belief that such people are generally flawed emotionally. More often than not, if you get to know some of them, they have failed with vanilla relationships. The literature and the erotic images of BDSM can easily be absorbed to only a superficial level by such a person. The image they create in their minds from this is very much that a BDSM partner doesn't have a personality. Either that partner is there to dish out pain and kinky sex or is there to submit to pain and rape. The idea that the partner has emotions, needs and intellect of their own is a complication easily forgotten if you just think of them as an object. When technology can provide a robo-domme/sub then they can find suitable fulfillment. If you talk to such people they are quite easy to spot because the emotional and intensely mental aspects of the BDSM relationship are not in their lexicon. Generally to have a successful BDSM or D/s relationship requires an emotional and mental openness and depth that is absent in many vanilla relationships. These people often arrive on the scene because they have failed at the vanilla relationship. They see a sex object which they believe is available without any of the needs that they fail to supply in the vanilla world. For them, this seems the ideal solution, yet they don't realise that what made them flawed in the vanilla world is a bigger guarantee of failure in this one. | |
| 25 Apr 09, 6:31 PM rabbot 12 yrs |
Subject-Object, Object-Subject. We are actually both. People do have unrealistic expectations though so if they can't compromise then they are likely to stay single. 'taste the whip, in love not given lightly, taste the whip now bleed for me' Velvet Underground | |
| 25 Apr 09, 6:47 PM Marmite UK(CB), 5 yrs |
I must admit that I am possibly one of the most cynical regarding the do-me-subs. It makes my teeth grind every time I hear another person state how unhappy they are that they haven't found their perfect (stereotyped) partner on here and other sites. I also know that being the first contact for groups etc there have been many misunderstandings along the years that, because I am female, and I have taken the time to reply to certain people that I am then genuinely interested in them, as a partner.. not in fact as a person who they could network with and who would happily introduce them into the scene. I gave up a lot of faith in about 80% of people contacting me unfortunately because I know in the first line or two at most I can read their desperation. And as such certain days I have written a sarcastic blog to reflect this. Yes I care, yes I want to show people how wonderful this lifestyle can be, I am extremely romantically passionate about it. But it saddens me that people objectify me so much. I am JUST HUMAN. I am not to be pedistalled. I am not a God like figure that can make everything turn out right for them. But I also think I haven't been the best at giving them the correct answers at times. I mean ten people can contact me through a day (sometimes more) through the various avenues and perhaps one out of all of those actually seem human. After human contact and help from a fellow human being about events or about the lifestyle. I think a lot of women and men on here are 'uber-fied'. Given a false status. Some are up their own arses I agree and would happily say they are the best whatever. But at the end of the day even those would happily have the company of a well rounded informed person and share a cup of tea with them, than a whole day clad in leather yawning while whipping someone because in that persons' own introduction 'are worth it'. A rose by any other name has thorns that will still make you bleed. | |
| 25 Apr 09, 7:03 PM nuthatch UK(SS), 5 yrs |
Do you come to me to bend me to your will
as conqueror to the vanquished
to make of me a bondslave
to bear you children, wearing out my life
in drudgery and silence
no servant will i be
if that be what you ask. O lover i refuse you! Or if you think to wed with one from heaven sent whose every deed and word and wish is golden a wingless angel who can do no wrong go! - i am no doll to dress and sit for feeble worship if that be what you ask, fool, i refuse you! Or if you think in me to find a creature who will have no greater joy than gratify your clamorous desire, my skin soft only for your fond caresses my body supple only for your sense delight. Oh shame, and pity and abasement. Not for you the hand of any wakened woman of our time. But lover, if you ask of me that i shall be your comrade, friend, and mate, to live and work, to love and die with you, that so together we may know the purity and height of passion, and of joy and sorrow, then o husband, i am yours forever and our co-equal love will make the stars to laugh with joy and to its circling fugue pass, hand holding hand until we reach the very heart of god. Christina Walsh
| |
| 25 Apr 09, 7:54 PM rabbot 12 yrs |
Yes, I would sometimes rather have a cup of tea with a domme. Must be getting old
'taste the whip, in love not given lightly, taste the whip now bleed for me' Velvet Underground | |
| 25 Apr 09, 8:22 PM ThedaVamp UK, 6 yrs |
Thank you for that. It's perfect. Please check your irony levels before attempting to respond to the majority of my posts. | |
| 25 Apr 09, 8:46 PM femsup UK(NW), 5 yrs |
The nature of fetishists is that they are inordiantely turned on by something innanimate.Thus excluding necrophiliacs fetishists are always going to be turned on more by a shoe or stocking than a the live person wearing them. The object of desire is a person first and foremost and should be viewed on the strength and beauty of their personality not what they are wearing. I shall be retiring to bed now after only 3 hours sleep yesterday.I had hoped to catch up with some kip this afternoon but freinds intervened. I will be entirely naked and hope my personality shines through,rather than if soemone had a pajama fetish! | |
| 25 Apr 09, 11:01 PM Jezzebelle UK, 10 yrs |
And in many BDSM relationships too. I wish people would stop holding up vanilla relationships as being less perfect, less open than BDSM ones. There are flaws in both because people are people and they can be fucks and they can fuck up! http://www.flickr.com/photos/jezzebelle/ |
