Labels and their importance (43)

For example, I consider myself sub and bottom. I wouldn't use the term slave as I find it a bit role-play and something that I'm not turned on by. I do count myself as sub/submissive rather than just bottom as I consider that to be someone who would take on a submissive role outside of a play session too. However, if someone told me I wasn't sub because when they've met me I've got a bit of a gob on me or I tell them to fuck off if they tell me to do the ironing, then I wouldn't stop calling myself a sub.

Labels can make us feel happy and that we belong somewhere. However, they can also make us feel like frauds if we don't fit what we think they mean. Anyone who is likely to call you a fraud for not fitting in with their terminology is likely to have little self confidence and is grabbing on to the labels to define themselves rather than using the label to describe themself I think.

I wondered if you could share your thoughts as to how important your label is, who gave you it, would you change it, etc?

Many thanks.

x

Amongst your hounds of loving I feel your arms surrounding me. I've always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me.

V

'I only wish my news were happier. A gloomy start to our first meeting: your husband's dead and sends you greeting. Perhaps it might sound better if I said: Your husband sends you greeting, and he's dead.'

Yes, that would be my thoughts on it. I'm not asking about myself - just more general interest as to other's dedication to/reliance on/importance placed on their label.

x

Amongst your hounds of loving I feel your arms surrounding me. I've always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me.

Another thing of course, is mood. Some days raw, some days loving.

Profiles are rather 'static' and i find most people appear to be looking for ONE thing, whereas in life we are all complex creatures.

I'm sure i had a point ar an answer when i started this ... but it sure has dissapeared now ...

So, by that logic, those of us who define the term slavery as a fair bit more than "role-play" are being labelled by you as untwue? This is the problem with labels, it is the meaning behind them that is important. We really cannot judge the level of someone's commitment to their lifestyle by our own misinterpretation of the labels given as a facilitatory description rather than a definition.

i believe that the terms we use to describe ourselves should be used as the starting point for discussion, rather than a rigid construct...

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said i just don't care? It's only half past the point of no return...the Thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phrase (Pink)

I hate the term 'true' or 'twue' and couldn't care less whichever you describe yourself of the two. But your point raises the question of the importance YOU put on the term. If you want to call yourself a vegetarian and still eat fish, then go for it. I however, will not call you one. I'll call you someone who doesn't eat meat. I'm not offended with whatever you want to call yourself. I'm interested in how important it is to you and in defining your position within the BDSM spectrum.

There might be lots of people who would only call me a bottom, there might be people who would call me submissive and there have been people who have called me a slave. I consider myself submissive but accept that I am different in other people's eyes. My label (submissive and sometimes bottom) is important to me in that I think it gives a clearish idea to people that I'm certainly not top/dom and hopefully gives the idea that I am also crave dominance in areas other than bed. I don't know if it does that job, but it's what I want it to do.

x

Amongst your hounds of loving I feel your arms surrounding me. I've always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me.

The whole slave-or-sub-or-bottom-or-maybe-even-switchy discussion nowadays seems to be rather theoretical to me.

That being said, I'd have to say though, that labels can be usefull to sort some things out.

I found it usefull to make a difference between mental and fysical masochism in the past. And to distinguish between the fact that I'm not submissive for an inch, but to the right partner a slave indeed.

Labels, to me, are just an aid to understand yourself and the dynamics you thrive in. And thus, very personal, very much evolving, and in no way hard, measurable or qualifiable notions.

Thanks for your post. I just wondered if you could explain this paragraph a little more though. I'm intrigued.

x

Amongst your hounds of loving I feel your arms surrounding me. I've always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me.

I have snipped original post so this does not get too long.

I can't speak for Sottomessina but she seems to be saying she would not use the term slave and that it feels like role play to her and doesn't turn her on.

It appears to be a personal opinion that does not appear to label or comment on those that do use this term.

We will all have different labels we prefer, different definitions of what those labels mean and difffering feelings about other labels and their descriptions.

Part of the wierd and wonderful tapestry of life in general and the many additional facets contributed by our kinks.

Feel free to speak for me - that's exactly what I meant

x

Amongst your hounds of loving I feel your arms surrounding me. I've always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me.

I agree with others in this thread who said labels should be a starting point. I try to choose labels to define me rather than fitting myself to the label. I would describe myself as submissive because that's my primary orientation and role. I can top but that doesn't make me less submissive.

Key point here - I'm submissive to one person only and that's my Master. Anyone who tried to tell me I'm not submissive because I don't do bla bla bla has so missed the point - my submission exists in the context of my D/s relationship and not otherwise. In the rest of my life I'm assertive, in control, pretty dominant actually.

However I don't think someone who only submits in the bedroom is necessarily not submissive - again it depends on how it works for them and their relationship. That isn't a value judgement, I don't think that people who choose to keep their D/s bedroom only are better or worse - just different.

"That hurts......please don't stop!"