cuckolding - the Domme perspective... (52)

I'd say there's two versions of cuckolding which both hold true to the original idea; one is as you described, which is where the woman submits to a dominant man - based on the old (and bad) idea that women aren't really dominant, but only be so when the man is weak. This is pretty ugly. However, the other version is more that the 'bull' guy is just more dominant than the cuckolded man. A domme could put to to the cuckold that she can enjoy having sex with the other men because they are better than he is -- this maintains that she is still dominant and isn't any kind of secret submissive or whatever else.

You could extrapolate this into the realm of pure bdsm instead of sex -- though generally sex is a huge trigger in this. Hell, you could even do this for something like playing StreetFighter IV -- if your partner enjoys playing it, then never let them play it. Instead just play it with other people, with the cuckold just able to hear you play it in another room. It's the same idea really, just different triggers.

Sorry for moving slightly away from the OP; it is interesting to think about the Dommes pov on this as it's almost always just seen as a sub fantasy, or at least described as such.

Good points

yes, I think it's a bit of a shame that the sub fantasy element is always the one that is so heavily marketed - and obviously the reason why my sub at the time began to have issues - it wasn't quite the way it had been portrayed in FemDom porn, afterall.

Grab your things, I've come to take you home.

Indeed, it's one of the problems when people use porn to get ideas about scenes or other types of play. Reality has many more issues associated with it. I do wonder why we don't see much on the dominant side of this; and whether it's because generally it's women who cuckold a man (which is strictly the definition) whilst a lot of porn is made for a male consumer?

That seems to preclude a third option, of simply taking someone else - because you can. Not in any kind of power exchange, but simply as equals.

Are you suggesting that to you, everything to do with men is always either sub or domme interaction?

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"You and me, we can light up the cheese, if you'll stay by me please, we can roule the world."
Take That: Stardust

I'm highly sexual (and largely motivated by my sub side),far more so than him. The only area of our relationship that has ever caused us friction is sex. When we sat down to have The Big Talk four years ago now, I put it to him what I wanted to be able to do (take lovers) and why I wanted that. I stressed that I absolutely did not want our relationship to end, that I loved him, but my sexuality needed to be fully expressed.

He admitted that, actually, he found the whole idea a complete turn-on, and he wanted to submit to me. This was a huge surprise to me, totally unexpected. The most I had hoped for was a grudging, "I know it's really important to you. I don't want to split up either. Just don't tell me the gory details, okay?"

So how does it fit, now, four years on? pp knows that I love him, that I am not looking to replace him. We started out small, within agreed parameters of what I would and wouldn't do. I stuck to those. He learned that a) I did exactly what I said I would do and no more, and b) I always came back to him.

We set various hard limits about things (at the start things like no fucking, then blanket things like no overnighters, no unprotected sex, no lover in our home), and I stuck to those.

I have never asked him to reconsider his limits. He has, one by one, as he felt safer and secure, asked me to relax them.

I've had a series of relationships/lovers in the last four years. pp knows all about them. Has met many of them. I use the detail of the encounters to tease him, arouse him,humiliate him. Whilst playing with him, will share as much detail as I feel I wish to. He gets off on it in a big way. He's also been more actively involved in several situations and scenes. This helps in two ways: additional sexual/submissive kicks for him (and domme ones for me!) and also it adds to the sense of us doing this together. It's not some secret little world that he's never party to.

He admitted that he found my conviction about what and why I wanted to do arousing in itself. I've been steadfast, and gone ahead through his wobbles, always taking them into account, but being quite firm too "I understand you don't want me to go to X tonight, but I'm going" It's hard to explain it fully in a short space like this. Many many people will think I'm a cold-hearted and insensitive bitch. I don't believe I am; I just understand how pp thinks and acts, and knew what was the best way to get the outcome I wanted.

Avoiding hurt - complete honesty. pp always knows when I'm going to see someone. I never lie, never disguise the truth. I don't share all the detail, out of respect for my partners, and because the activities are "mine". But I share enough to keep pp happy in the cuckold fetish part of our relationship.

I'm also very very careful about who I play with. And make sure that they fully understand my reality, what I seek and what I offer. Too many people fiddle with polyamoury and add-ons in their relationships, without really being honest enough with themselves, or their partners.

I regularly check with pp that he's happy, that he's getting all he needs from me. And if you ask him if he'd like me to stop doing "all this", he's very quick to say no. And then get a hard-on thinking about what might happen next!

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions

I think there's a third possible cuckolding scenario different to those described so far (a Mistress subbing to or Domming someone else). It would be Mistress having vanilla sex with someone else. The sub may or may not wish or be capable of serving Her in this way, but the point is he isn't allowed to; he may be caged or in chastity. But She obviously has to have Her appetites and desires satisfied; it's right and proper that She should do so. She may also choose to have oral service from her other man / men.

It is important for the sub to know that it is Her right to be pleasured as She wants, so it is good for him to witness these acts. Partly because he's being denied, but more importantly to witness Her pleasure.

Perhaps I've just been watching too much cuck porn.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

From the opening line I was rapt, just a perfect perfect vision.

I dont think that the concept of cuckolding a sub with a more dominant man is meant to centre around the woman submitting to a 'real' man because he is dominant and she is assuming her 'rightful' place. I meant to imply that for cuckolding to work for me, it would need to be with a man who is more dominant than my submissive (as otherwise he too would have the same problem 'taking' me as my submissive does), as well as keeping the dynamic in place. However, any bull involved would need to realise that the only men that really interest me are ones that are ultimately submissive to me and my desires.

I think for it to be the ideal cuckolding situation, it would need to centre around the empowerment of the female supremacist, indulging predominately in her desires and done for the sake of pleasing her. Along the lines of vanilla sex, where both parties play an equal role, but with the woman taking the lead and being ultimately the more dominant of the two.

neither do I.

Which is why I said "the idea that it is mainly portrayed as ..."

I didn't say it was how I felt about it. Nor, was it the way I practised it.

Grab your things, I've come to take you home.