cuckolding - the Domme perspective... (52)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

Fri 17 Apr 09, 5:53 PM
littlemissanna
UK(SW), 3 yrs

Ok, so I know cuckolding is a topic that has sort of been done to death on the web boards, but Im curious to hear about it from a more dominant perspective.
Its something that is a massive turn on/fetish for my sissy (mostly the humiliation aspect), so whilst we are currently in a monogamous relationship, its a subject we discuss at considerable length. I personally have always thought of the concept as exceptionally hot, something I have always wanted in theory, but one that in reality is perhaps a little impractical and perhaps just setting up both parties to get hurt, no matter how carefully or considerately you enter into it.
My question is specifically, if you have any experience of cuckolding as a Domme, how do you fit it into the relationship? How do you approach it so no one gets hurt?
If you dont have experience, is it something you and your partner would consider? why or why not?
any answers and opinions are much appreciated! xxx

17 Apr 09, 6:48 PM
Jaye_Nair
UK(SE), 2 yrs
sadly for me i don't have any experience of cuckolding (that i know of). but i'd guess the more physical and less emotional your time with the extra person is, the less cuckolding is likely to affect how you feel in your vanilla relationship.

17 Apr 09, 8:18 PM
LovingHusband
20 mths

littlemissanna wrote:
cuckolding - the Domme perspective... My question is specifically, if you have any experience of cuckolding as a Domme, how do you fit it into the relationship? How do you approach it so no one gets hurt?
Although I am a Dom rather than a Domme, I thought I would offer an answer.
My slavewife has sex with others; sometimes I participate, sometimes not. She prefers me to participate, which -- inevitably -- makes my non-participation even more satisfying! The "when" and "who" of these encounters are governed by me, though I will sometimes tell her to choose someone herself. Up to this point, sex has been understood as direct physical encounters; more recently, I have begun to think about phone sex and that is something that she is going to explore in the future.
This form of play fits easily within our power dynamic. She is my whore, my sexual plaything, and her body is mine to use as I choose. Sometimes I will keep her for myself; sometimes share her; and sometimes give her away to be used by others. In most cases, the men are strangers, though she has had ongoing connections.
From a certain perspective, I suppose, giving her away to be used sexually by others is cuckolding. But viewing it in the context of the power dynamic between us complicates -- at the very least -- traditional notions of cuckolding. (It is never, for example, accompanied by any feelings of jealousy or humiliation on my part.) Instead, it underscores my ownership of her and her body; for her, it reinforces her position as my whore and her sexual servitude.
This has been an agreed part of our play for several years so the question of either of us getting hurt is not an issue.
Hope this helps.
LovingHusband
"Anyone who makes someone else doubt the foundations of his morals has not lived in vain." Marguerite Duras.

17 Apr 09, 8:41 PM
littlemissanna
UK(SW), 3 yrs

LovingHusband wrote:
Although I am a Dom rather than a Domme, I thought I would offer an answer...

Thanks for that perspective. I understand where you are coming from that respect as I use my sissy in a similar manner, giving her away when and how I choose. There is no jealousy involved because the choice is mine as the dominant and my dolly is doing it simply to please me.
Can I ask whether she feels any jealousy? that her husband can give her away and not feel the need to keep her utterly to himself? sorry if that is quite personal, Im just curious about different perspectives...

17 Apr 09, 9:07 PM
LovingHusband
20 mths

littlemissanna wrote:
Can I ask whether she feels any jealousy? that her husband can give her away and not feel the need to keep her utterly to himself? sorry if that is quite personal, Im just curious about different perspectives...
Yes, it was a problem for her when we first started to play like this (8+ years ago). Helping her come to grips with it took a combination of inflexibility and sensitivity -- talking her through her fears and refusing to bend and renege on my desires. She still struggles with it, particularly if I am not going to participate, which is part of what makes it so satisfying and hot for me.
LovingHusband
"Anyone who makes someone else doubt the foundations of his morals has not lived in vain." Marguerite Duras.

17 Apr 09, 9:14 PM
Phoenyx
UK(N), 2 yrs
What is your definition of cuckolding?
I understand it to mean making a fool of your sub/bottom, which I have done many times with casual playmates, but never in a relationship. Or does it mean something different to you?

I would sell my soul for a good victoria sponge.

17 Apr 09, 10:10 PM
littlemissanna
UK(SW), 3 yrs

dykadelic wrote:
What is your definition of cuckolding?
I understand it to mean making a fool of your sub/bottom, which I have done many times with casual playmates, but never in a relationship. Or does it mean something different to you?

In this sense I mean cuckolding as in having a primary partner who is your submissive, but then taking lovers, with the subs acceptance and knowledge of this. The act being done with the purpose of humiliating him for his 'inadequacies' and/or to fulfil the desires of the female dominant.

17 Apr 09, 10:15 PM
littlemissanna
UK(SW), 3 yrs

Laylah wrote:
I'm a Female Supremacist Domme, and I cuckold my slave. I keep him in permanent chastity, and the only sex he gets is my strap-on, when I choose to do it. I look for other slaves to add to my stable, and no doubt I'll cuckold them too. I believe there is a cuckold in every submissive, and a submissive in every man. It hasn't affected our relationship at all, if anything it's made it stronger. We talk about it in great detail both before and after, and I fuck him with my strap-on before I go. In this way, my sex becomes his sex, i.e. he doesn't get fucked unless I do, so eventually he looks forward to my cuckolding him as its the only way he's going to get sex too. I like to encourage him by telling him, when I'm fucking him, what a good boy he is and how much I love and appreciate him, and about my lover and what I'm going to do with him, which really helps to keep him very submissive and understanding of my needs/rights. He also helps me get ready for my dates. He's come to know his place, and understand that it's a woman's right to have as many lovers as she wants, and now he accepts that, he fully supports me, and loves me even more for it. My other slaves are not just for sex, for me it is emotional as well as physical. For us, it works, but that's because we're strong anyway. It may not work for everyone, and I believe the reason it may not work is when one or both cling to society's notions of marriage/monogamy.
Having lovers is natural for a woman anyway: we're biologically designed to have sex with more than one man, so it's all perfectly natural. It's only society's rules that dictate the one man/one woman scenario.

Can I just say that this is perhaps the best post I have ever read on the subject and really summarises one side of how I feel about cuckolding and even dominance.
I assume though that cuckolding is something you initially desired and then brought to your submissive, as opposed to it being a primary fantasy of his?

17 Apr 09, 10:24 PM
x_poison_x
UK(AB), 2 yrs

littlemissanna wrote:

Laylah wrote:
I'm a Female Supremacist Domme, and I cuckold my slave. I keep him in permanent chastity, and the only sex he gets is my strap-on, when I choose to do it. I look for other slaves to add to my stable, and no doubt I'll cuckold them too. I believe there is a cuckold in every submissive, and a submissive in every man. It hasn't affected our relationship at all, if anything it's made it stronger. We talk about it in great detail both before and after, and I fuck him with my strap-on before I go. In this way, my sex becomes his sex, i.e. he doesn't get fucked unless I do, so eventually he looks forward to my cuckolding him as its the only way he's going to get sex too. I like to encourage him by telling him, when I'm fucking him, what a good boy he is and how much I love and appreciate him, and about my lover and what I'm going to do with him, which really helps to keep him very submissive and understanding of my needs/rights. He also helps me get ready for my dates. He's come to know his place, and understand that it's a woman's right to have as many lovers as she wants, and now he accepts that, he fully supports me, and loves me even more for it. My other slaves are not just for sex, for me it is emotional as well as physical. For us, it works, but that's because we're strong anyway. It may not work for everyone, and I believe the reason it may not work is when one or both cling to society's notions of marriage/monogamy.
Having lovers is natural for a woman anyway: we're biologically designed to have sex with more than one man, so it's all perfectly natural. It's only society's rules that dictate the one man/one woman scenario.

Can I just say that this is perhaps the best post I have ever read on the subject and really summarises one side of how I feel about cuckolding and even dominance.

agreed, excellently explained. Not something i have experience of but posts like that certainly help the wee grey matter and learning curve.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, scotch in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ "WOO HOO what a ride!""

18 Apr 09, 12:22 AM
male2shemaid
UK(SA), 2 yrs

littlemissanna wrote:
cuckolding - the Domme perspective...
Ok, so I know cuckolding is a topic that has sort of been done to death on the web boards, but Im curious to hear about it from a more dominant perspective.
Its something that is a massive turn on/fetish for my sissy (mostly the humiliation aspect), so whilst we are currently in a monogamous relationship, its a subject we discuss at considerable length. I personally have always thought of the concept as exceptionally hot, something I have always wanted in theory, but one that in reality is perhaps a little impractical and perhaps just setting up both parties to get hurt, no matter how carefully or considerately you enter into it.
My question is specifically, if you have any experience of cuckolding as a Domme, how do you fit it into the relationship? How do you approach it so no one gets hurt?
If you dont have experience, is it something you and your partner would consider? why or why not?
any answers and opinions are much appreciated! xxx
You need to be very careful - fantasy is often fun but reality can be painful.
There are some who seem to revel in this but I imagine there are many former ICers who fantasised about trying this and it ended up destroying their relationships or marriages.

18 Apr 09, 12:27 AM
Miss_OL
UK, 4 yrs

littlemissanna wrote:
cuckolding - the Domme perspective...
Ok, so I know cuckolding is a topic that has sort of been done to death on the web boards, but Im curious to hear about it from a more dominant perspective.
Its something that is a massive turn on/fetish for my sissy (mostly the humiliation aspect), so whilst we are currently in a monogamous relationship, its a subject we discuss at considerable length. I personally have always thought of the concept as exceptionally hot, something I have always wanted in theory, but one that in reality is perhaps a little impractical and perhaps just setting up both parties to get hurt, no matter how carefully or considerately you enter into it.
My question is specifically, if you have any experience of cuckolding as a Domme, how do you fit it into the relationship? How do you approach it so no one gets hurt?
If you dont have experience, is it something you and your partner would consider? why or why not?
any answers and opinions are much appreciated! xxx
The problem I have with cuckolding (as a Domme) is the idea that it is mainly portrayed as the Domme taking other 'real' (i.e Dominant) men as lovers, whilst keeping her sub(s) in chastity.
This, I cannot do, as I have no interest in submitting to a dominant man, but it does seem to be the crux of the male sub fantasy that surrounds cuckolding. So, for me, for cuckolding to be of any interest, I need to take other male subs as lovers (and then this kind of gets confused with having a stable of subs, which to me, it isn't the same thing).
In answer to the OP, I have cuckolded someone in a past relationship, and whilst my sub at that time was quite happy to accept it was totally my right to do so, and he 'enjoyed' the humiliation aspect and positively encouraged me to do it, I think the fact that I was seeing other subs, (as opposed to Doms), caused him certain unforseen issues of jealousy and we both soon discovered that the reality became far less attractive than the fantasy. It did however, lead to me making the choice not to continue to cuckold him - as I realised how much his hurt ultimately hurt me and that I actually didn't want anyone else, so for us it was a lesson learned and probably made the relationship stronger at the time. I've never regretted it, but I doubt I'd want to do it again.
I'm not sure there is any way of discovering for sure if it's for you or not, unless you try it. My only advice would be don't try it (or at least think very, very seriously) if either of you have any doubts up front (no matter how small), or have a jealous nature - because there is no getting away from the fact that those issues will surface at some point.
Grab your things, I've come to take you home.

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