Bossy men (11)

Do you think its the same with bossy men?

If we are talking someone who naturally veers towards taking control and leading - then yes, I think a fair few are dominant in the Ds sense.

If we are talking someone who tries to order others around through an innate lack of confidence or an inferiority complex - with an attempt at covering that up by wanting to appear to be in control - then probably not.

Although the latter may see themselves as a dominant, of course...

'A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing'

I've recently beein doing some work for uni on the theories of Dr Meredith Belbin, who developed a theory that everyone has a natural team role, which is defined according to how they are likely to behave, particularly in a team environment. I'm not an expert on the matter, but I wonder how may bossy people could be described like this:

Sound like your average 'dom' ( male or female) to you?

The shaper is a task-focused leader who abounds in nervous energy, who has a high motivation to achieve and for whom winning is the name of the game. The shaper is committed to achieving ends and will 'shape' others into achieving the aims of the team.He or she will challenge, argue or disagree and will display aggression in the pursuit of goal achievement.

This is the bullshit line...only cross it if you must.

Some of us just aren't team players and we don't fulfil the "bossy" stereotype either...

Some people "lead" by collaboration and that reality is generally, whatever the outward protocols, the case - unless you're into Machiavellian mind games I think this is quite a "silly" thread but I am sure others will beg to differ vehemently...

Regards,

TSD

Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity. T. S. Eliot

i would say the biggest place to see me get bossy is in my kitchen. i probably wouldn't with an owner, of course, but my husband...well, he's fair game! i do try to watch being bossy, because i actually feel pretty uncomfortable if i figure out that i have been bossy.

i have witnessed this same thing in other people. Some confuse being commanding with being bossy. i feel someone that is able to command and control is more of a Top than someone that is simply bossy. This is because they will use different ways to get things done than someone that is simply bossy. However, that is personal opinion, obviously. i wish you well.

Submission is a journey best not taken alone.

Confident, sure, calm, reasoned and reasoning men = dominant.

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions

For some their BDSM role is an expression of their deep nature which they seek expression for in every area of life; for others the BDSM role is a compensation for being pulled out of kilter by circumstances; e.g. work.

I actually think I've known people who might be - in their natural balance - quite vanilla, but find themselves in circumstances - perhaps their job - which force them to be more "dominant" than they are comfortable with, and balance this out with submissiveness in the bedroom (or dungeon or wherever).

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

Not at all... bossy men like to be slapped about a fair bit in my experience......

~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~

A man who is confident in their authority or influence is much more attractive and naturally dominant.

There seems to be this myth that subs are either submissive in all areas of life or strong dominant people who need an outlet for their more submissive side in relationship

As a sub I am neither utterly submissive in nature; looking for leadership and guidance in every area of my life neither am I strident or dominant in all areas of my life.

I have both follower and leader traits depending on the situation. There is only one area in my life where I am completely submissive and that's in my sexuality - it's as natural as being gay or bi or hetero. I don't see it as a personality trait which is what the above myth seems to suggest.

There is probably a corresponding myth that Dom/mes are dominant in all areas of their lives or some such crap. Deity forbid people be multi-faceted.

Maybe that's the difference between bossy and dominant. Bossy men get off on the power whereas sexually dominant men simply are dominant and can't imagine being anything else?

And yes I am aware that people can be bossy and dominant

O bugger me it's hard being interesting all the time. I envy people who can be interesting in 300 characters or less