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Stocking/Suspenders <sigh> (32)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

18 Apr 09, 12:43 PM
KinkyRoly
UK(OX), 3 yrs

It depends on the reason behind these instructions. If the intention is to assert his dominance and make you conform, then fair enough. You do things his way.

On the other hand, if he wants you to look as sexy as possible, then he's probably going about it the wrong way. Most women have a very clear idea of what they look good in and what doesn't suit them. If she is told to wear something that doesn't make her feel good about herself, then she won't feel sexy. If you ask some blokes, women would spend their entire lives in basques or corsets, with stockings, high heels and long gloves. However, if a woman is asked to dress sexy, she might choose a slinky emerald green dress that is a million miles away from the bloke's stereotyped idea, but because she feels sexy, she will come across as massively more sexy than otherwise. Accessorise with a few fetish touches and she'll set herself well apart from the others and feel all the better for it.

18 Apr 09, 1:17 PM
magpieuk
UK(LA), 5 yrs

Sottomessina wrote:

Mattbucks wrote:
This in some ways what I feel is wrong with a lot of all of "this", I'm sure there are many women in a similar position. I'm not and probably never will be into ordering/telling/demanding things of people, being kinky rather than dom/sub in any way, but the last thing I would want is for someone I claimed to care about to have to suffer, feel uncomfortable or unloved just to do something that I wanted, to me that is just selfish, and in my opinion being selfish has no place in a relationship.

I guess there will be a lof of guys on here who think, "what's her problem, she's the slave/sub, its her job to do what he/master/dom almighty (or any other "title" they seem to claim) wants, thats her place", but I would be sure there are also a fair amount of gents on here who take the view, that it should be mutually enjoyable, fun and comfortable for both, and above all, if you are in a relationship with someone, show them the respect they deserve (after all if someone deems another person worthy of their love, then they should view that person as the best thing in the world (or second best, depending on the size of their ego)).

As much as I understand and agree with what you have written, there are people within the BDSM spectrum that get off on being uncomfortable and making others feel uncomfortable and some do this through the long term role-play of M/s. If that's their 'thing', then the sub has to weigh up how uncomfortable/unliveable the thing that their owner is making them do with what the alternative might be (losing them?).

Maybe I'm straying from the point, but if you're in the long-term thing, then hopefully you will know what rights you're *allowed* and what you're not. Seems a shame not to ask for something though. Seek and ye shall find, and all that jazz.

But there is a difference surely between being made to feel uncomfortable and being unhappy?

I know a certain little (well big) bugger who enjoys driving me nuts on a regular basis - as he says me telling him to stop it, stop it, STOP IT! Just gives him a kick - but the thing is it would totally upset him if he thought that him needling me and making me uncomfortable was making me unhappy.

It's one thing to be made uncomfortable but it sounds like the OP is unhappy with the current situation. I don't know the answer to her predicament I'm not a slave and unless my (potential) partner had impeccable taste he can keep his comment on my wardrobe to himself

But I would hope her partner wanted to make her happy (if not comfortable) and if they were aware that the situation was making her genuinely unhappy they'd want to accomodate her needs too.

O bugger me it's hard being interesting all the time. I envy people who can be interesting in 300 characters or less

20 Apr 09, 6:31 PM
RedRobyn
UK(G), 3 yrs

Daddy and I have a deal - I go shopping with him and he and I agree on what I buy. Everyday I ask him if he would like to choose what I wear or should I get on with it? Mostly it is get on with it because he likes everything I have as he helped me choose it. Sometimes it can be wear what you want as long as it includes x, y or z. Occasionally he gives me a total outfit. This works for us - overall I am happy because I have had an element of control in what I have but mainly it makes him happy and in turn that makes me happy.

No actual answers I'm afraid but perhaps food for thought.