To please, or to be found pleasing... (24)

I have thought a lot about this over the last few months and for me it is about wanting to please. I will modify my behaviour accordingly dependent upon who I am with but I always want to please and I ask nothing in return.

M

Space travels in my blood. And there ain't nothing I can do about it.
Now I know I'm being used but that's okay cause I like the abuse.
I can resist everything except temptation.
It's always funny until someone gets hurt and then it's just hilarious.
Cake or Death?

Edited 17 Apr 09, 12:01 AM by misfit

I came out on the side of being pleasing, as a combination of about 80% of being "Me" -ie the dominant finds me as a whole pleasing, and 20% active modification/learning new rituals/behaviours,which are not natural or innate in me, to actively please.

Human nature I think means that, for me, over the long haul, I need to be found pleasing more than be required to change/modify natural me to please. Otherwise it becomes too much like hard work, for both parties.

But I do identify very very deeply with the submissive yearning to be found pleasing.

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions

If you want to please, then that is part of who you are, so that desire is something that will be found pleasing.

As long as being found pleasing is referring to character and behaviour, rather than pure aesthetics, then the desire to please is an intrinsic part of the character that is found pleasing.

Of course it is much easier to do if your natural behaviour is what will be found pleasing, but the strength of character to do things that are unnatural to you in order to please is all the more pleasing.

So is that like saying, if you're submissive, you're both anyway?

I like the way you put that.

x

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions

For a start, yes - there is a difference. However trying to analyze which is "best" is like saying which is best out of a glass of champagne and a glass of orange juice. Both can be delightful and both have their place. Life would be a sadder and duller place if either were not there.

Toak

FEMALE, BONDAGE-FRIENDLY MODEL SOUGHT. I am seeking to update my "How To" shibari bondage pictures (see my profile pics, the clothed blonde tied in red and black) with a model more "enthusiastic" about BDSM, and who is happy to be photographed nude. MEMO ME if this is you.

It is always good to assess yourself. Yes, we have to watch over-thinking some things, but i have found that communication with my Master helps monitor my over-thinking.

This is a very good question. It is one i have asked myself many times and have even been asked by a prior owner. We used to discuss it in length.

i feel that a mix of both is good. "To be found pleasing" to me is what fills my heart with joy. i see this as the feeling of pure joy when i hear "good girl" for something that has pleased someone. i have been found pleasing to them and this just pushes me even harder to be pleasing. It's almost like Yin and Yang, they almost compliment each other (being found pleasing and being pleasing).

Of course, it's finding the balance between the two that works for your relationship. Some may prefer to avoid the being found pleasing for personal reasons. There isn't a right or wrong way, in my humble opinion.

Thank you for asking this question. i am enjoying the responses. i wish you well.

Submission is a journey best not taken alone.

I think that the circumstances at the time dictate what mindset i'm in. For example in a play context i might be more focused on actively wanting to please, but in work/real life I'll be more focused on doing a good job and thus being found 'pleasing' because I'm doing well and he's proud of me.

lx

I found just what I wanted but I got so much more ~ Love walked in through my door

The inherent desire to please me was a fundamental part of my attraction to my slavewife. Although she had never explored BDSM before, it was my clue that she is submissive. I continue to enjoy her desire to please me -- both the submissive attitude and the services she performs for me unasked. But what pleases me most are the impositions of my will on her -- the tasks and humiliations and degradations and objectifiactions -- that she struggles with; that provoke her resistance and require her to draw on all her reserves of submission to successfully obey.

LovingHusband
"Anyone who makes someone else doubt the foundations of his morals has not lived in vain." Marguerite Duras.

The aspect of 'being found to be pleasing' is the more complex, I think, as it includes my own insecurities and I find myself wondering "but how can Mistress find me pleasing??".

That said I am slowly learning to stop trying to second guess or anticipate things, no matter how desperate I am to please Mistress.

This is where the label of submissive comes up and whacks me because - I don't see myself as working to please or wanting to please - ummmm confused myself now

I'm subservient not a servant.... that doesn't make sense does it. How does doing something for someone make you submissive? It just makes you obedient surely?

It's the dynamic between two people where they are one aspect of you and you them. They take the lead and I follow. They influence and I am the influenced. They are the roar and I am the sigh.

O sod I give up. I know I'd rather hear the words - 'I'm proud of you' rather than 'you've pleased me'

O bugger me it's hard being interesting all the time. I envy people who can be interesting in 300 characters or less