This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sun 12 Apr 09, 8:40 PM rabbot 12 yrs |
This is really a question for those that move house to a different city, county, or even country to be with their bdsm partner. At what stage did you decide to move? How far is too far? Do you have any regrets or do you have a happy story to tell? 'taste the whip, in love not given lightly, taste the whip now bleed for me' Velvet Underground | |
| 13 Apr 09, 8:15 AM twuly_scrumptious UK, 6 yrs  |
What a difficult question .. when we eventually met we both knew we were ultimately looking for a LTR. We'd been chatting online and on the phone for a few years on and off, often having a giggle about each other's adventures and misfortunes with others. He was always telling me to come and meet him but I knew in my mind it would be a commitment that I wasn't ready for, still wary after my last serious relationship when someone's lying, deceit and cheating almost broke me. Time heals and one brave day I visited for the weekend, safe calls in place, and I suppose I knew by the end of the weekend that I would be upping sticks. Two weeks later he asked me to move down subject to my kids being happy with moving. We've had a few 'settling in' moments, the reality of visiting teenagers vs suddenly having a ready made family, both having our own ways of doing things but it is the best decision I've ever made. Our relationship is more along TIH lines I suppose and our play isn't extreme, our time alone is limited and precious. I have to say, without wanting to offend anyone in my past, that this is the first time that it's ever felt so right, from the beginning but even more so now. From first contact to meeting - 3 years. From meeting to moving - 4 months. That 4 months was more about the kids being sure. Life's short, if it feels right then fine. I've learned to trust again or as my fridge magnet says 'love like you'll never be hurt'. Edited to add, it's been almost three years since I moved.
Edited 13 Apr 09, 8:17 AM by twuly_scrumptious | |
| 13 Apr 09, 9:10 AM submark32 3 yrs |
It's obviously a big decision and one not to be taken lightly, especially if children are involved. I have not been fortunate to be in that situation yet, but I have thought a lot about the possibility of moving to be with someone. I am fortunate in that I have no real ties other than my work so it would be relatively easy for me if it felt right.
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| 13 Apr 09, 2:02 PM DoraExplorer UK(CO), 4 yrs  |
When I met my late partner, we chatted for a couple of weeks before I told him I was goin to visit - I lived in Essex, he in Wales. After a few months of being together, we decided that we wanted to live together and I made plans to change work. I had not qualms at all about moving to a completely different area (different country!) as it just felt so right and I knew I needed to be there. He died before I made the move, so I'll never know if it would have worked out or not, but I dont regret that I was going for it. I think sometimes you have to follow your heart (I know that sounds corny as hell!). I dont have a quote so I'll leave this bit blank...........cos I dont want to use up space till I have something really good to put here | |
| 13 Apr 09, 2:05 PM Forsaken1 UK, 7 yrs |
I never moved in, and if you ask GeeeGeee she'll tell you the same, I kinda migrated last summer and made a nest!  Resident play piercer at Velvet Eden | |
| 13 Apr 09, 3:30 PM GeeeGeee UK, 5 yrs |
He hasn't moved in. He just came up for the weekend a year ago - and hasn't got round to leaving.
What is food to one is to others bitter poison. | |
| 13 Apr 09, 4:07 PM Dollface UK, 6 yrs  |
I remember someone saying to me: "migrate to where your heart is". I maintain that long-distance relationships do get an unfair press, but at the same time there's a lot to be said for living together, too. In my last relationship, I moved over 250 miles to be with my partner, and whilst we've now gone our separate ways it's not something I regret - I think I'd be more upset if we'd split whilst we were long-distance, not knowing if we had succeeded. The only remark I'd make is that I think that long-distance and living-in relationships require the same amount of work, albeit in different areas. That was something that took me by surprise. "When you're going through hell, keep going." | |
| 13 Apr 09, 4:36 PM FluffySub UK(NN), 6 yrs      |
Ouch, this is timely. My parents are in their 70s and have both had major spates of illness and I really don't want to move further away from them than I already am (currently 60ish miles). The Domly one is 125 miles away and has a very specialised job, which he loves, and will find it almost impossible to replicate if he moves down here.
Long distance relationships are bloody hard work, IMVHO, and a lot of outside factors make things far less simple than they appear on the surface I'm a threadkiller, twisted threadkiller | |
| 13 Apr 09, 4:47 PM saraxx UK, 7 yrs |
Funnily enough I find (relative) LDRs pretty good, even long term ones. Assuming weekends are spent together - and that both parties alternate the travelling - the few days inbetween to oneself can be lovely. I enjoy seeing my friends during the week, and chilling out at home doing my own thing after work. I also thoroughly enjoy getting on that train and looking forward to a fabulous weekend. It can be the best of both worlds. 'A woman, without her man, is nothing. | |
| 13 Apr 09, 4:53 PM lucky_1 7 yrs |
Happy ending here. Started a LDR with my two and a bit like Forsaken One, I went for the weekend and never really left! That weekend turned into two, then three........We were 150 miles apart and in over a year we only ever missed one weekend and we all hated it so much I sold up, moved 150 miles and bought a house 100 yards down the road. That persisted for another year or so before we bought a house big enough for all the family, and pets. Now been together four years. Now we are a proper family and the in laws are all fine with us being together and we have one daughter sho just gets on with having an extended family.
If there are children involved, take time, it's worth it. I'm in my own world. It's Ok, they know me here. | |
| 13 Apr 09, 4:58 PM FluffySub UK(NN), 6 yrs |
We used to do every weekend but it was crippling us financially and we were both so exhausted with the travelling that it was effecting our health. Now it's alternate weekends and we're less poor, less tired, but I want more It actually feels like the worst of both worlds right now. I'm a threadkiller, twisted threadkiller |
