Hitachi Wand? (9)

vMaster aka Mike Web Site: http://www.vmaster.me.uk/ Purple Passions: http://www.purplepassions.org.uk/ Peterborough Munch web site - www.pboro-fads.org.uk/

"I can't tell if you're playing some kind of feminazi mind fuck game on me or if you're trying to seduce me." -Sex and Death 101

"Magic Wand - Quickest Times Challenge!"

"Gush! Who knew?"

"So What's So Good About Gushing?"

"Squirting cunt"

Hurtin' for a Squirtin'"

...to name but a few!

I hope they provide some interesting reading! xxx

...Young, Curvy and Pervy... LFS - mandapoo

I have suffered from this for years and years. I find it immensely difficult to cum from another's hand (bar husband.)

We've worked out that it stems from two things: 1) I, err, wank a lot. So that means I've conditioned myself to receive pleasure and sexual gratification from my own hand. Both in terms of the specific stimulation, and where my expectation of sexual gratification comes from; 2) It's a control thing. I find it incredibly hard to relinquish that control and allow another to provide me with pleasure. No matter how aroused I am, my body may be crying out for release and orgasm, and yet my mind shuts it down, and basically refuses to cum.

A wand helps me, or an eroscillator, because they're very intense, and it matters less how specifically they're applied. But the main thing is: understanding and acceptance from the play partner. Persistence and making me know they genuinely care enough to make me cum. No matter how long it takes, or what it takes. Lack of pressure. Being free to enjoy the sensations and RECEIVING.

You can have a fabulously wonderful time without orgasm. Trust me I've done it for years! However, if this really matters to you both, I would advise, from my experience:

- a high stim toy

- time and patience

- lots of teasing

- repeated sessions where you talk about what works and what doesn't (this is hard in a Ds dynamic, I'm crap at it) and where the focus is on getting her to orgasm, but in a relaxed way

- building her trust and belief that you really do care and want to help

- restraint so she can't get away

- learning her very very well - there are times when the attempt to achieve orgasm backfires badly, and can create resentment and bitterness (you can both feel a failure - you for wanting so badly to make her cum, and failing, and her for not being able to *for you*)

Feel free to memo me if any of this resonates.

Rach x

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions

"I can't tell if you're playing some kind of feminazi mind fuck game on me or if you're trying to seduce me." -Sex and Death 101

Well, there's good news and bad news! The good news is that the basic physical building blocks tend to work the same - and the Hitachi wand provides really powerful stimulation, which is likely to produce an intense reaction.

The bad news is that no matter how powerful the physical stimulus, it's still the mind that rules. I'd spend my time working on what's going on between her ears, not what's between her legs.

If a partner realises you don't cum for them, they can decide to give up trying to pleasure you at all. This just leads to disappointment, and imo is often the action of a selfish person, or someone who doesn't know how to cope with their "inadequacy" at making you cum.

Either way, make sure you remember she is able to be sexually pleasured by you, and it will be a completely different experience than her masturbating herself, one that I imagine she loves and doesn't want to be without.

Jules XxX

Some possibly useful questions, which you may already have asked. No need for answers either way.

1.) Can she cum whilst imagining someone other than herself using the rabbit? If not have her work up to that in stages thinking of some acceptable lesser variant, coming close to orgasm, pushing the scenario and then backing the image down and cumming. Repetition *may* allow gentle progress until it is acceptable.

2.) Can she cum just using her fingers? What if she takes your hand and uses that as if it were any other toy? What if she guides your hand with the rabbit? What if she simply tells you what to do?

3.) Does it currently matter too much? Try agreeing that neither of you will try to make her cum when you're together for a period continue enjoying each other and see what happens without pressure.

4.) Does allowing her to almost make herself cum then denying it affect her responsiveness to other stimulation immediately afterwards?

5.) Does sensory deprivation such as a blindfold have any affect? What about being held, being stroked or mild pressure at the nape of her neck?

6.) Have you tried mild genital spanking, suction cups or something similar to engorge the area with blood?

7.) WITH CARE: Does breath play make any difference? Try just asking her to hold her breath during masturbation as an initial check.

.

Edited 11 Apr 09, 9:39 PM by PatrioticPleasures

Great reply - Id second that on behalf of my slave, we have a wand and I enjoy using it on her, she does find it very intense, and I can force orgasms out of her, which is always enjoyable but 'reading' her or 'learning' her is without doubt the best method in my opinion.