This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 24 Mar 09, 1:31 PM Swiper 5 yrs |
How much training does a sub need to have...before you can call them a sub? (Rhetorical lol) I see these conversations on this subject all the time and it's kinda surreal. I doubt all the 'training' or 'mentoring' in the world could ever effectively prepare a man to be a husband or a father unless such education comes from the School or Hard Knocks i.e. from actually doing it, making mistakes, learning from them, and growing from them. There are some tricks a sub could learn to be good at some things but just as much an individual grows to be a person through actually experiencing life itself, so too will someone be a good sub through experience, even more so if a new sub is learning with someone who is an experienced dominant who is clear with what they want/expect and have and know themselves and their expectations well enough to know how to communicate effectively with a sub. 'BEST' training? Fuggedaboutit...unless you want to be a well-trained seal flipping plastic balls from her nose and taught how to clap on command. You can dangle a big piece of steak in front of a man's nose and he'll heal. But that doesn't make him a good husband. | ||||
| 24 Mar 09, 2:42 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs   |
meh...i didn't say BEST was the way to go, but it is entertaining AND it has loads of porn links, so what's the problem?  Yeah? Well, Barney's not here right now... | ||||
| 24 Mar 09, 2:52 PM BadWulf UK(TA), 6 yrs  |
Well Tea or coffee, but I expects me Toast in bed, woe betide her if it aint still hot! To me the perfect slave is along the lines of a private P.A. Somebody who anticipates my needs and wants (whatever they may be ) and efficiently and quietly gets on with making sure those are realised. Who has autonomy but exercises it on my behalf with intelligence, elegance, efficiency, humour and style. Obviously part of those requirements is her descent into total fucktoyhood for my amusement and entertainment, but the whole is much larger than that. Training to me would be the process by which I enlightened somebody as to those needs and expectations in all areas of my life and how to meet them. - John
My, what sharp teeth I have. Edited 24 Mar 09, 4:21 PM by BadWulf | ||||
| 24 Mar 09, 5:43 PM Ouroboros UK(M), 4 yrs |
I am expert in making good cup of tea. All this has happened before and will happen again. Edited 24 Mar 09, 6:17 PM by Ouroboros | ||||
| 24 Mar 09, 6:39 PM Lady_Alys UK(RG), 6 yrs |
There are no 'rules'. No right or wrong. It's a personal definition thats no ones business but those involved in the dynamic. I enjoy D/s, it's what I do, what I expect. It seems I'm extreme in my requirements of a sub as most only want to play at it. If the situation allows then protocol is used, club, home, out. It gives a firm base to allow a relationship to develope. It can be intense, fun but alot find it too deep. Training for me is teaching my ways, likes and dislikes. Mentoring is giving/taking advice and using the bits that are relivent. DoN't WaStE YoUR TiME On A MaN WhO Isn't WiLLiNG tO WasTe ThEiR tImE On You... | ||||
| 24 Mar 09, 6:44 PM Coryman UK(PO), 8 yrs |
"Get yo bitch-ass in the kitchen and bake me some pie! - is not an expression I am likely to use much, except when in a humourous mood, though since I am a funny guy and as the expression really tickles my funnybone, I have to be careful not to over use it. The word "training" seems mostly to have been used in humour by our dominants here, but our lovely subs do seem to take it more seriously, indicating an eagerness to please, which I find an immediate turn-on because of the images and memories from the past which it conjours up and when reading the words of the submissive girls who write here, I am assailed by fleeting thoughts of "what if ...." when I read their lovely contributions. There has never been a single thing I have done with a submissive female which was designed to reduce her status or undermine her in any real sense. Mistakes have been made it is true, but my regret has been made clear immediately afterwards with a heartfelt apology and my naturally affectionate nature has shown this to be genuine. So there is no chance of me establishing a "training regime" in which my submissive is expected to abandon her life and become groomed to suit my ways, altering long held views and habits - or so you would think. When I get with a girl I get into her heart, discover the whole and complex enigma which life has made her and so complete is this quest for understanding, it seems that we meld into one. I pretty much know how she will react in a wide variety of situations, which may develop between us and also and most importantly how each stroke will impact on her, so that although she feels she is being mercilessly thrashed, I am constantly testing her, teasing out the best feelings for her, but quite unconciously because it has now become second nature to me, with the result that I can fully indulge my desires for punishment ritual and inflicting pain, without worry about going too far. It is as if we are one single being - separated into two parts, but connected by a swishing cane and a flash of firey pain. So we become a highly-tuned combination and most certainly this girl I am with at present is the very best. I put that down to my having finally understood what a submissive really needs, rather than this girl having any special submissive qualities - though she is lovely and we are very well matched. I am functioning at my very best, because I am aware of the best ways to bring her along, to coach, to mentor her and yes, to train her in the art of submission. She has lived for nearly 30 years with a man (half man - ape) who has bullied and dominated her by violence, to the extent that she has little or no self-confidence. Yet when she is with me her confidence grows and reveals a very strong minded woman, who has many great capabilities. She has resisted his attempts to get her to wear thongs and for years she has been sexually non-compliant, feigning frigidity, so that he has abandoned his quest to make her the sex-kitten he wanted her to become and he has settled instead for just getting his own way in all other things. She has for many years now chosen underwear which suits her, which covers but is far skimpier than anything I like. It is a small point, but she now knows exactly the cut I like and she eagerly seeks them out. I have made my preference clear and that is what she now wears and revels in the feel of them. She knows also the positions I prefer when she is being punished. A sub is expected to present properly and alluringly (though not theatrically) when she is to be punished. She is a strong minded woman as I said, but she delights in being the little girl for me. None of this is play BTW. Our 24/7 D/s relationship is for real, my dominance and my word are law and her punishments are very scary and are now far harsher than anything she could have envisaged before we met. Far from threatening her using vulgar language or shouting and screaming at her, as her husband has done all these years, the soft tone of my voice telling her in polite Southern English, that she has stepped over the mark strikes very real fear into her, far more in truth than her husband ever did with his violent attacks which she learned to accept as part of daily life. In effect I have trained her according to my needs and requirements and altered her way of life and she has lovingly complied. Not because she is told, or because she is afraid, but because she loves me and she loves being subjected to my discipline and my ritual. She knows what is expected and she is ever ready to comply, because I make her feel a safe. I have trained her to rise above the frightened and timid animal he made her and she has become the proud and beautiful woman she has always wanted to be. So, far from me ever having to tell her to get her "Bitch-ass in the kitchen" to prepare pie for her "master" (a title she humourously bestows) she anticipates my liking for pie and has it ready. This is just an analogy btw as I do most of the cooking - and No, I am not Eric Cartman. (better get MY bitch-ass in the kitchen). Coryman
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| 24 Mar 09, 6:49 PM kitty_claw UK(TN), 4 yrs |
All this talk of making tea. I'm doomed. Can't make a decent cup of tea to save my life
Can do coffee though Kitty "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin | ||||
| 24 Mar 09, 7:19 PM TwistedDragon 9 yrs |
Perfectly put! After 5 years I still consider myself to be 'training' my slave, as your relationship progresses so do your desires and expectations. I demand more and expect more, but most all what pleases me the most is my slave 'trying' her hardest even when I put her in difficult situations, or expect her to complete what I know from experience are 'hard' tasks. 'Try' is one of her 5 creeds that she must follow, and one thankfully she rarely lets me down on. I believe that this is a strong key to sustaining a good D/s relationship. SM | ||||
| 28 Mar 09, 1:30 AM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs      |
Pish to the coffee and chains scenario taught by someone else. What suits one person does not neccesarily suit the next and rituals may have to be unlearned when embarking on a relationship with another. Training to your personal preference is individual and only comes with time and attunement to each other. For instance, I only drink real coffee after 6pm (instant is for cooking) and chains on the stairs just grate (and would piss off the neighbours) so someone who made me an insipid cup of unsweetened black coffee in the morning, presenting themselves adorned with raucous metal would seriously piss me off on many levels; but primarily it would mean that they were not focussed on me and therefore still influenced by the ex/trainer/whoever... There are protocols that one expects, learned only after spending time one to one. My vanilla friends often make my tea in the morning if they are an invited guest to my home, that is just common courtesy. They offer to clear the dinner table after a good meal - as does anyone with manners, who wouldn't???. But with my submissive, they would ask with a different demeanour, looking solely to please their dominant. They look for my needs and aim to fulfil them, they see when my shoulders ache and ask (once only) where the massage oil is, they ask how the dishwasher should be loaded (once only), they ask if I want a foot massage ( I may not be in the mood), they ask if my domestic chores need attending to (rarely as I have a cleaner but if I want them on their hands and knees, they get there pronto even if the floor is sparkling), they will go through my wardrobe to check for loose buttons after being instructed to do so, they clean my leather clothing on instruction etc - basically they do what I WANT them to do. I've had subs who have done things impromptu because another mathter/mithtress expected it in the past and the results have greatly pissed me off - by all means anticipate but suggest in submissiveness, don't assume just because someone else wanted you to behave that way! It is all in the psychological intent when it comes down to it; you can learn all the symbolism in the world but when it comes to real life, it unfolds as you get to know each other and nothing that you have experienced before can prepare you for the next person that you meet. http://www.avaaz.org/en/ Edited 28 Mar 09, 10:49 AM by Caracal | ||||
| 28 Mar 09, 1:43 AM misfit UK, 3 yrs |
Cue Laurence Olivier impression in Marathon Man. Enough to put anyone off the dentist for life. M
Space travels in my blood. And there ain't nothing I can do about it. |
