Submission without domination (40)

Ermm, the thing with 'gifts' you don't ask for them back. Should anything go wrong. So how can submission be a gift to a Dom/Domme?

'My submission is not a gift
It;s how my body and mind reacts to you'

certainly making me think how i view both my submissive side and my dominant side...

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, scotch in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ "WOO HOO what a ride!""

I can and do submit without "active" domination. But I've found that it's severely time limited.

Without positive feedback, reinforcement, "good girl", acknowledgement, I cease to be able to. I feel vulnerable, unappreciated, taken for granted, and as if all my efforts are un-noticed. I can get anything from disappointed to distraught if I'm completing tasks and they are not being noticed. Can't help it, though I do constantly try to.

If it's things I naturally do anyway, as "Me", then it's fine. I can do that almost indefinitely, without much in the way of recognition. (Examples that spring to mind are parenting, looking after pp (he works, i don't), helping people.)

Does get confusing when I think about it, because I'm naturally a people pleaser. Often get myself in muddles trying to do what I know/think someone wants.

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. - Richard Bach, Illusions

To me the 'submission is a gift ' theory seems to work differently to how others see it.

A gift is something which is given, so submission can be gifted to another. To give something, either a part of oneself as ones does in casual or non 24/7 play or the whole of oneself in 24/7 is a consensual act. The consensual giving of submission to another seems quite reasonable.

If it is not given, is it forced?

I think people get hung up on the wording of the 'submission is a gift' idea and say you don't take gifts back if things go wrong. fair enough, mature adults do not d that. However, if the word gift is just another word for something that is given, then why is it weird that when a relationship breaks down a person takes themselves, including their consent to submit and exits. It is the consent which is the 'gift' if you like, but it is consent to submit so it seems the same thing to me.

People will conveniently forget the YKIOK idea we try to work by here and constantly ridicule the 'submission is a gift' idea even though to my mind the way it is no more illogical than any other theory of dominance and submission.

24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.

I think the best way to explore this question would be to see the desire and the action as seperate things. Yes, i believe that it is more than possible for a sub to be submissive without an active dom, however IMO, to 'Submit' they would need a dom to recieve that sumbition because, in this context, I think that the control issue what we are really disscussing, and therefor, without someone to control your submission - you are submissive but not Submitting.

Josh

I think what you are refering to is what I think of as a 'passive dominant' rather than an 'active domianant', although as in most things the majority of people fall somewhere in the middle. A passive dominant will accept and appreciate the submission - the subservience, if you like - of another; if someone is submissive to them, they can handle that, enjoy it, enhance and encourage it. An active dominant will ensure submission - obedience, if you like - of another; they will enforce submission and may not be content without a feeling of overcoming resistance.

Submissives who are good with a passive dominant can more easily 'cruise' on a relationship for a while without much domination. Submissives who need an active dominant to bring out their submission won't last long at all if the domination stops. As I said, most people are not one extreme or the other.

Just imagine if there were no hypothetical situations.

I agree. My girl need an active dom to bring out her submission. without it she (or rather I) loses her submition and struggles to be dominant despite her keeping a strong desire to submit.

That's an interesting distinction and one which makes a lot of sense to me. I do desire to please and to submit - but I need to be actively dominated to get there.

"That hurts......please don't stop!"