This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Mon 23 Mar 09, 9:09 AM Ownedalready UK(S), 3 yrs |
So... Submission comes from within. It is a gift we give to our dominant. This being the case, if, for whatever reason, for whatever length of time our dominant stops being or behaving like a dominant, is it still possible to be submissive? I have my own answer to this but am interested in other feelings/views. | |
| 23 Mar 09, 9:17 AM Incandescence UK, 3 yrs  |
Good question. I think, for me, that submission is something that is within but needs a trigger, in my case a dominant man, to bring it to the fore. I'm not sure it's realy possible to have one without the other. I think each one has to be active for the other to be effective. If you look at the flip side. A dominant tries to dominate a submissive who doesn't feel submissive towards him/her. Is this domination? Not in my book. I think it's something completely different and I'd probably interpret it as arrogance. So, I think the same applies to submission. I suppose you could still 'feel' submissive towards someone who wasn't being actively dominant, but I don't think that equates with 'being' submissive (all of this in a BDSM/ D/s context obviously) Perfection is in the minds of the delusional! Edited 23 Mar 09, 9:18 AM by Incandescence | |
| 23 Mar 09, 9:35 AM van_Dort 3 yrs |
My submission is no gift. It has to be taken. Which requires a Dominant who can take it and enjoys taking it.
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| 23 Mar 09, 8:19 PM Ownedalready UK(S), 3 yrs |
Yes, I believe it's a 2 way street too. So, if your dominant stops dominating, what does that make you? | |
| 23 Mar 09, 9:36 PM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
First, I dont see my submission as a gift. Rather as a need. And thus, I'm pro-active. Secondly, I take full responsabilaty for my own emotions. Actually, for my needs to be met. So, him stopping to be dominant wouldnt necessarily lead to me stopping being submissive. I guess I'd probably seek out other ways in which he would be triggered to dominate me. But than, I dont need that much control or rules or whatever anyway.... Edited 23 Mar 09, 9:48 PM by othyim | |
| 23 Mar 09, 9:51 PM just_m UK(BS), 5 yrs  |
Very good question, thanks for the thread. If my Dom stops being Dominant with me (which has happened to me), I'm still submissive as it is in my nature. But I'm not expressing it, not fulfilling that side of me. If I hadn't taken photos for a while, hadn't expressed myself artistically for a while, I would still be a photographer, an artist because it's in me, part of me. I know women who are truely submissive in nature but don't even know it, aren't aware of it, don't live it out in their vanilla relationships. They are still submissives, I believe. For me, the act of offering my submission is a gift and the feeling, the instinct, the want to do this act is better described as a need. So I have the need to give myself to a Dominant that accepts my submission. Confused? m. "(Women) are not just there to be admired, they are there to be enjoyed."--Ellen Von Unwerth | |
| 23 Mar 09, 10:34 PM Romola UK, 7 yrs |
Yes, it's possible, even easy for some, but it depends on your view of submission. If it's about being dominated and being made to feel dominated, it's probably not possible. If it's about serving and doing what you can to put someone's needs first, it's well possible. They don't even have to know you're doing it, and you don't even have to be conscious that's what you're doing. This is where I fall down, submission is just about loving and caring for someone to me. I'm aware other people have different views. It's only a weblog | |
| 23 Mar 09, 10:36 PM Lady_Vespertine UK(RM), 5 yrs |
Hmmmm, an interesting question. Is a sub without a current Dom/me no longer a submissive? How about people who 'know' they are sub even before they meet a partner who could be Dom to their sub? I have been in vanilla relationships, but my sub side was still very much there, if unfulfilled and not very happy about it. It comes to the fore in some situations, it sits happily back in others. Its still there. Where i am in my life determines whether it needs feeding or not. but then as a switch its a bit different i suppose. I spent most of my early life as sub as could be, even before i knew what BDSM was, and including when i was terrified by it, i was still sub, its took meeting a sub man to bring out my heavily dominant traits, and it was only by going back into sub role for a couple of months that i realised how big a part of me my Domme side had become.
I'm in a switch relationship now, but there are no definitions or boundaries, i fulfill the sub part of my nature in how i care for him and serve him in our vanilla life, where we are equals, and everything i do for him is my choice and without obligation, given because i can for his pleasure because that is what works for me. i don't need domination to express that side of myself and at the moment that is what i need. it may change and resurface more prominently later on, but i'm learning all the time that i am neither one or the other, i simply am. some may say that means i am not a 'real' sub or Domme, but i don't really care. How you feel inside your own mind is not dictated by your current circumstance. if your Dom stops being Dom, there is a reason...and in a caring relationship that would be discussed and worked out, one way or the other, to fulfill everyone's needs, but i don't think anyone can say who or what they are is dictated by how another person behaves, and if they do...do they really know who they are?
Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well with brie... | |
| 23 Mar 09, 10:42 PM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
It's possible to serve someone but I do think that's qualitatively different from a D/s which is acknowledged reciprocal emotionally interactive play. Childcare (or care of an someone with terminal medical issues) is service of a kind but not I feel submission in the D/s sense.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/ | |
| 23 Mar 09, 10:55 PM Incandescence UK, 3 yrs |
I think that's a good distinction to make i.e. between being submissive and being made to feel dominated. It's certainly made me realise how I view my it (for myself at least).
Perfection is in the minds of the delusional! | |
| 24 Mar 09, 11:32 AM Kookie UK, 4 yrs |
In submission are we really talking about something that's one of your own personal deepest driving desires and needs....so its not a gift. It is you and in the exchange it is for you too. The dominant may be a trigger to fulfilling those needs, but they still exist without him/her. As others have said....you can find ways of expressing and fulfilling those needs in different degrees. However for me, the more intimate and holding the expression of D/s is, the more I feel my submissive nature which in turn makes me feel very happy and content.
We are all in the gutter, just some of us are looking at the stars (Wilde). |
