Posted by juliettex on Sun 8 Mar 09, 12:24 PM to juliettex's blog.
Now, I'm 100% sure I'm going to get righteously flamed for this excerpt off my blog.
If you're easily offended, you may prefer to stop reading now...
Having written about all my fictional dream Doms in books and the movies, I find myself musing on the subject of successful ruthless uber-alpha Doms and Dommes. The envy, sexual obsession and/or terror of everyone in their particular world. Staple of Harmony's infuriating shrink-wrapped unlucky dip of an 'adult fiction' section.
In Fantasy Land, there's always going to be some all-powerful ruthless glamorous aspirational alpha type doing the Domming - because you know, that's kind of the point.
But a funny thing I've noticed - in practise, there's not much of an overlap between 'powerful glamorous alpha male types' and 'men into BDSM'. Very very very very little. In fact, IMHO, there's probably more overlap between 'powerful glamorous alpha male types' and 'Terry Pratchett fans.'
Or between 'Terry Pratchett fans' and 'left-handed men with red hair.'
Were my fictional book-and-movie heroes (see Heroes and Villains posts) real people, probably only a few of them would have gravitated to BDSM. Mr Jaggers, Tony Baddingham and Frollo - perhaps, if only in aspiration or fantasy. But as for Rupert Campbell-Black, Heathcliff, Crassus, Gekko, Vidal, Goeth, Vosen - they'd almost certainly have never even thought of it. They would be oblivious to their inherent Domliness in the same way fish are oblivious to water. You can rest assured that none of these men would so much as own a pair of handcuffs. And they wouldn't know a violet wand in the unlikely event that one bit them on the arse.
In my personal experience of the real-life fantasy-Dom type (a la Peter the Great) , they're not averse to a spot of tying or spanking, in a spirit of experimentation. But it's definitely an occasional why-not, rather than any kind of need or inherent sexual orientation. Left to their own devices - and, crucially, without any pushing from the woman in their life - they're happy with the more-or-less simple things in life... 'a loaf of bread, a flask of wine and thou,' so to speak.
(Assuming, of course, that the 'thou' in question has the body of a Playboy centrefold, is wearing Agent Provocateur lingerie, is in the process of giving them a very good blow job and is open to the prospect of anal.)
And the day the genuinely Dom-tastic alpha type goes to any kind of fetish club in anything other than a let's-go-and-look-at-the-freak-show spirit - well, this will not just be the day Jodie Marsh tops the Vogue Best Dressed list. But the day she's closely followed on it by Jade Goody and Jackiey Budden.
Most of the fellows genuinely and overtly into such practices - well, again from experience, I'd say they fell into two very broad categories. The first being gentle wackos and 'alternative' types - Bizarre readers, if ever there were any. With a lot of body piercings. Or tattoos. Or both. And an encyclopedic knowledge of Tolkien. Or Anne Rice. Or both. And a penchant for long black leather coats. Or spiked leather collars. Or both. In short, the sort of person security guards follow round shopping malls.
The second category being the more alarming rage-against-the-world-especially-women, Serial Killers Before They Were Famous type. Men with disturbing sado-masochistic porn collections hidden somewhere in their far-too-neat or far-too-squalid, bottom-of-the-range rented bachelor pad. Either from a blue-collar petty criminal background, or a pitifully unsuccessful white-collar wuss. From my occasional lurking on sundry special-interest sites, I've encountered a few of these, and I can tell you that - if you have any interest in human psychology whatsoever - they're as scary as all fuck.
To summarise, if you're looking for the real 24/7 etiquette-driven master-slave BDSM deal - and you don't want a manky Goth or a poorer, uglier version of Ted Bundy - I have to say, you're probably out of luck. Never mind the powerful glamorous alpha male of Fantasyville. You'll be bloody lucky finding someone with a job that doesn't involve working in a fetish club or selling vampyre merchandise.
This is probably one of the very few great sexual truths that's equally true with the genders reversed. So were you, as a submissive man, to meet the glacially glamorous, five-inch-heeled, penthouse-dwelling bitch-princess of your wildest dreams - hate to piss on your parade, old buddy, but she's probably more vanilla than Sandy in Grease. Dollars to donuts, her big fantasy is getting ravished-but-not-really by George Clooney.
The one who will really relish the thought of your terrified, cringing helplessness will be the one you haven't even noticed.
Or even, sadly, the one you have noticed. Immediately.
With a thought like 'Urgh. if she was the last woman on earth, I'd shag a monkey.'
Personally, and why will you not be surprised by this, I think this is because it all spins off from childhood. Specifically, from those crucial age-10-16 sexually formative years. Again IMHO alone, genuine BDSM orientation spings from a deep hostility towards and/or fear of the opposite sex during this time - which the accepted, admired, good-looking boys and girls of this world don't have. Well, why on earth would they? By and large, you don't develop hostility or fear to something that's never shown you anything but sweetness and affection from your very earliest days (hence the relative absence of kittenphobia.)
BDSM is for freaks, people. Don't shoot the messenger.
*Dissenting voices more than welcome. Please mark your email 'I'm an Ex-Prom King and Own a Violet Wand'*
Word,
J x
| 8 Mar 09, 12:40 PM Paul1666 UK(S), 2 yrs  |
Brilliant LMAO. Not offensive in the least hehe. Proud to say i do not have a violet wand and afraid no prom king but hey some are born to lead and some to follow  | ||
| 8 Mar 09, 12:52 PM juliettex UK, 3 yrs |
Hey Paul - thank you very much!!! Please check out my main blog some time J x
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| 8 Mar 09, 1:09 PM northernwench 7 yrs |
Before I say anything else, I would add that I am unsure as to the difference between a 'genuine' BDSM orientation and an 'ungenuine' one - some clarification there from your perspective might be good. Nor do I really agree that a fear of the opposite sex from formative experiences sets a benchmark for future sexual orientation. Apart from anything else, how do we then incorporate an analysis of gay BDSMers - did they have a fear of their (own) sex at an early age? Tricky one. Some of what you talk about rings true with me in the sense of some BDSMers creating idealised versions of their playpartners. Separating the human, real life day to day essence of someone from their BDSM personas is key here - those who carry a hope that a dominant will be forever unswerving, solid and constantly protective (and whatever the opposite ideals would be for a dominant for their submissive)ask a big question of their chosen targets and more so, of themselves. I wince a little at submissives searching for an all seeing, all doing all dancing partner who utilise terminology that indicates that they have a need to feel 'small, protected, nurtured' and so forth. These are things that need addressing from within. But is that really any different from non-kink partners looking for people with designated and defined character traits such as a sense of humour, huge genitals, being able to put up shelves? Not really, I don't think. I certainly feel that a lot of the people I know within BDSM circles are a little quirky, with past life experiences that may or may not have influenced their sexual choices. Me included. However, within the bracket 'quirky' fall many descriptions, such as creative, spontaneous, intuitive, funny - and none of these are bad things. The secret is I think to identify that the above doesn't really matter. How we got here, what we are doing here, these things can all be analysed to death but crucially, does it really matter? Once you have stopped worrying about that, (and that can take a lot of people a long time), generally, that's when people can kick off their shoes and enjoy the ride.
Edited 8 Mar 09, 1:10 PM by northernwench | ||
| 8 Mar 09, 1:20 PM juliettex UK, 3 yrs |
Northern Wench - agree with a lot of that, but I'm still firmly sticking with my 'fear of/hostility towards the opposite sex at a key age' theory. And I'd say it equally applies to gay blokes. Think about it - you're a teenage boy, and you're just starting to have sexual feelings for other teenage boys. However, if you're a nerdy outsider, the other boys in question - particularly the hot, popular, ultra-hetero ones who populate your fantasies - are also objects of constant, abject terror. Hey presto, your very first BDSM fantasy, as you desperately try and reconcile the fact you fancy them rotten with the fact you also hate their guts and are scared stiff of them. Either you'll fantasise about turning the tables and casting them in the pleading-victim role for a change. Or you'll just run with the status quo - and sexualise the existing power differential in a way you can secretly control and enjoy.
Hey, I know my shit when it comes to this stuff J x
www.thenewadventuresofjuliette.blogspot.com Edited 8 Mar 09, 1:28 PM by juliettex | ||
| 8 Mar 09, 1:28 PM northernwench 7 yrs |
It still doesn't matter though, does it? By that I mean, unless you are not functioning as an adult because of your sexuality, and it is having a detrimental force on your life. How anyone got here, at some point, just doesn't matter. Unless you want to delve deep into sofa-lying beard-stroking territory, unless it is having a seriously negative impact on you, then it really is of no consequence. That isn't to say that you or I or anyone can't have theories about how people got to their own particular sexuality. If you're finding your pleasure in this field, then keep running round in the grass. No need to get a spade and start digging the earth at your feet.
Edited 8 Mar 09, 1:29 PM by northernwench | ||
| 8 Mar 09, 1:30 PM juliettex UK, 3 yrs |
Northern Wench - no, it doesn't matter at all!! It's just a little theory, that's all J x | ||
| 8 Mar 09, 1:32 PM northernwench 7 yrs |
Marvellous!
Here, have a Martini. | ||
| 8 Mar 09, 2:34 PM Elvenkind 7 yrs |
Dons her rollerskates for northernwench. xxx a 4 foot, 11 and 3/4 inch elf. |
