Posted by feitheachd on Mon 16 Feb 09, 5:16 PM to feitheachd's blog.
I've never been comfortable with the submissive label – by any definition it's just not what I am.
In fact, what I am can't be summed up by any label.
However; within the boundaries of my sexual identity and my self knowledge, I think I can be defined by what I carve and what I believe I need.
I want and need to follow a woman who wants to fashion a perfect world for her, for us and for me – in that order.
Not submission and dominance as such, but a mutually agreed and mutually beneficial enterprise with strategic goals and tactics that may well be discussed but which are ultimately the responsibility of the leader.
A lucky synthesis of a particular sexuality and a desire for growth doesn't add up to a submissive man – it adds up to an understanding that to be led, to be given the discipline and structure to serve another person's needs before my own, is my route to self-actualisation, not to mention a route to regular deliveries of serotonin.
Recognising that someone has a yearning, capacity and talent for leadership and then fully and proactively accepting that control, is not the action of a submissive man – it's the action of someone who understands that leadership brings a responsibility that requires great strength of character, and who knows that being led by a woman with such an attribute is an honourable and fulfilling endeavour.
So, if not submissive – what?
Well, if I had to give myself a label, I think I'd go for self aware.
| 16 Feb 09, 8:10 PM amelie UK, 9 yrs   |
Some random thoughts to the very erudite but sadly unpronounceable 'feitheachd': there is a package ideal of the perfect M/s relationship prevalent in the BDSM world which it isn't necessary to sign up to, we are all individuals not robots and secondly most Ms don't live up to the dream we have of them in our heads. It is a sad truth but reality nonetheless and maybe has someting to do with fetishising a role rather than looking level-headedly at the individual in front of you. This is no reflection on whomever you play with - I have no idea who that might be. |
| 17 Feb 09, 12:08 AM feitheachd 6 yrs |
Thanks Amelie. I happily confess to being somewhat idealistic and I suspect that in the past I have been somewhat lazy in that I have tended to fall into that “package ideal” trap. I do know that it's a dream – but I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to live up to my potential within that dream. I don't believe that I'm “fetishising” my role, I think that I'm rationalising my nature and directing it in a wholly positive direction. There is no individual in front of me, so how I regard myself and what I can be is not a manifestation of how I am regarded – it's a product of my self awareness. I apologise for the tongue twister nick – just call me fetch. "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be." ::Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:: |
| 31 May 09, 8:54 PM Interesdom UK(IP), 9 yrs |
It seems to me that you are simply looking for a female-led relationship. Since you are looking for a leader, it is reasonable to assume that you have a willingness to submit to her leadership. In that narrow aspect, you are willing to be submissive. I can understand you not wanting to describe yourself as a sub, however, since that implies many things that perhaps do not fit with you. Just imagine if there were no hypothetical situations. |
