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| caprycorn |
Lots of stuff kicking off at the moment about gender / trans / cis (which I believe means people who identify with their birth gender) and all sorts of other stuff besides. Lots of chips too, petty and not so petty prejudices being flung about and "true colours" being shown. Oh the irony.
I think perhaps that there is something that I'm missing as I'm a bit confused about the need for drama on this. I realise that this is my perception only and believe me, I am not decrying or lessening what many people have had to live through and still do in order to align themselves with the gender that they identify most. But personally I've never seen it as anything other than their choice and as such, up to others to accept.
I know that my view is Utopian and I've seen it enough in action to have a peephole view of some of the prejudice that some people have suffered. I remember getting into the lift in an office building I used to work with and seeing a man dressed as a woman; he was still very much biologically male in looks although in full female clothing with wig. Yes of course I noticed but didn't stare. It was a mental shrug and a "I wonder if she is pre-op living-as-a-woman for the prescribed period" followed by "fucking hell that takes some guts". The latter thought was emphasised by two dickhead architects from the third floor, all gelled hair and paul smith suits who left the lift, muttering audibly about what the hell did he think he was, the freak. I am still surprised by the sudden flash of rage I felt, seeing her flush and drop her head. As the lift doors were closing I shouted after them "Want to know what she is? Out of your league, fuckwits!"
She thanked me but said it wasn't necessary. I apologised if I had made her more embarrassed but it just made me so mad. But then is it for me to satisfy my irritation when it's not necessarily me that pays the price? A thought for another day.
I realise that because I believe that it is up to me to accept others gender-states, it sounds like I am almost making their choices sound too easy. Far from it; I think that those who are changing their gender up to and including surgery are incredibly brave to do so considering the societal prejudices that can still exist. That doesn't mean that I like all trans and intersex people, or that they have superpowers, or are saints, or that rabbits gambol at their feet whilst bluebirds and squirrels do the housecleaning for them. It just means that I think they have guts is all.
I can understand why there are those out there who defensively lash out pre-emptively. "You will judge me because of the gender choice I made / am making because everybody does" type thing. Except please, stop. Because not everybody does judge. Brutally, most don't care one way or another no matter what prejudice is displayed by a gobshite number. And then there are many like me who will shrug and think cool, your choice and accept you as whichever gender you identify with.
There are times though when I do have to consciously think about it, about someone's gender, and am quite aware that this is my own issue. There is one case where I can accept that someone sees himself as male, but because I find him still luscious in a female way, I still have a mental hiccup over it and have to re-inforce that this person is male, not female. It's almost a deep breath and she-is-he type reinforcement. That's not his issue, that's mine, and I am well aware of it.
Then there was another case when we were at a female only play space, as in play space for those who are women or who identify as women. There was someone there who strongly appeared to identify as male; hormone treatment had deepened his voice and changed his body shape, and he also had had a full mastectomy. So even though he may have been female as in he was born with a vagina, he was obviously strongly identifying as male to the point that he was in the process of changing his body permanently. I am not so mean-spirited as to say that he should not have been there. People need to be able to go to spaces where they know they are accepted, and at the time I didn't think much of it. But afterwards it was a theoretical conundrum to roll around my brain; when does someone who is changing their body to match the gender feeling in their brain actually have to stop being the gender of their birth? As in, if he saw himself as he, physically and mentally, then should he really be in a female only play space? A difficult one because would a transgender man be accepted in a bdsm orientated male-only play space? I don't know, and as I said previously, everyone should be able to go somewhere where they feel safe and accepted.
I don't belittle those whose gender identity doesn't match that of their birth gender. And nor do I expect them to belittle me because mine does. If someone sees themselves as male, that works for me, and vice versa. I also don't expect to be thought of as boring because my own gender hasn't shifted. It's patronising in the same way as there are those here who look down on vanilla people as boring or lesser because they aren't into bdsm.
Prejudice is prejudice, and it doesn't make it less ugly no matter from where to where in the spectrum it is applied. I guess that's my second thought for the day - not bad going considering my capacity for talking utter shite. As fully evidenced by the above.
