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| caprycorn |
So here I am, submissive female. Not the youngest, certainly not the bendiest, but submissive nonetheless. Masochistic? In some ways - torture my breasts and I'll turn into a puddle. Pierce me and I'll swoon at your feet. Take control and I will give you all that I am and all that I have. And yet... you sure you really want someone like me?
Ok slight false description here as I switch; Dominant male partner and submissive female partner. One of each and delicious it is too. But the fact that I switch does not invalidate my submission and nor does it negate my dominance over her (and it took me a long time to come to terms with that, btw). I remain, nonetheless, two things to two people and loving them both as they love me.
So back to submission. Someone believes that they are dominant and so a submissive partner will do it for them. Seal and matrix, complementary and necessary to each other in order for each to be fulfilled.
Except is it really a submissive partner you want? A submissive woman, for the purposes of this post? Do you want to guide her? Have her reliance on you? Do you need her to need you? Do you want her to adore you, yearn for you, ache for you, dress for you, beg for you, bleed for you, plead for you? Do you want someone whose desires are to fulfill your desires? Do you want that responsibility?
Do you want to think about how what you say and do impacts on you both? Do you want to have the ultimate say over decisions that may profoundly hit her mentally, phsyically, emotionally? Do you want to save her from herself, to stop her giving herself away? Do you want to say no, even if she hopes you will say yes? Can you do it? Can you be strong enough, harsh enough at times? Can you refuse to take no for an answer when she tests you, because she will test you. Can you do it? Do you want to or does it sound like too much?
Do you want to take the risk that if you don't step up to the plate, and not just occasionally but every single day, that she might come to despise you, just a touch? Can you live it because it's part of you, rather than a cloak that you put on for the length of a scene and then discard on the bathroom floor until next time you choose to pick it up again? Until you choose to pick HER up again?
Looking at it, why would anyone choose this? I suppose it is because for some people, male and female, being dominant / submissive is what they are. It can be hard at times, especially when one feels lazy or idle. Daily mundanities can make it difficult to sustain from either end of the spectrum. And that's when the drivers have to be strong enough to ensure that the dynamic remains, if that is what both want. Otherwise it all disintegrates into vanilla bickering.
I've come close to the latter. I'm a bolshy bitch and I need a hard bastard to keep me in line. Fortunately for me, that's what he is. He slips from time to time, as do I. But what we are to each other remains, even if there are times when we can be careless of it. Sometimes something makes you realise how lucky you are. And that's me right now.
A paean to my girl another time. She has some bleeding to do for me soon. Something to look forward to and make me smile.
