Posted by juliettex on Mon 2 Feb 09, 1:33 PM to juliettex's blog.
Another little update from my blog (which any interested parties can find at www.thenewadventuresofjuliette.blogspot.com
Just been reading about the latest teen sensation, Twilight. Jesus H Christ it sounds awful. Sexually abstinent teenage vampires, God have mercy on us all. I don't normally criticise things I haven't seen or read - but then again, I can't see any reason why I should let complete ignorance stop me from slagging something off. Let's face it, it's an approach that certainly works for Jan Moir.
IMHO, Twilight sounds like a nightmare hybrid of Anne Rice and those creepy fucking Jonas brothers.
Cunt Dracula.
I really hate all this American teen-abstinence stuff - even though I did it myself more or less by accident (I didn't treasure my virginity like a precious gift. Would happily have sold it on ebay for a fiver, but no offers means no sale.)There's something so piously, clammily, smarmily, smugly, unwholesomely, hypocritically ewwwww about the whole idea. Something so rose-tintedly kitsch and Fifties, which at the same time resonates with such chilling undertones. All that relentless obsession with female purity and virginity and innocence. And male strength and self-discipline. And allowing nothing stronger than mineral water to pass one's lips. Being clean-cut and wholesome and healthy in body and mind. Probably taking a lot of good outdoor exercise and participating in organised group sport.
Ooh, that does sound nice. Just like the Nazis.
And the abstinent teens themselves always seem to come from these terrifying Stepford families in the States. With disturbingly controlling patriarchs who have the smile of Bruce Forsyth below the eyes of Jeffrey Dahmer. And brittle, smiling, God-fearing mothers, whose eye-darting defensiveness under innocuous questioning makes you wonder what the hell they've got to hide. Whenever I've seen any shows about that type, it always puts me in mind of an all-American remake of Meet the Fritzls.
(All right - they haven't actually made Meet the Fritzls yet, but you have to admit it would be good. 'Robert de Niro Is Josef Fritzl.' With Ben Stiller as the hapless prospective son-in-law who keeps blundering hilariously close to his concealed cellar door. Any interested Hollywood types, feel free to get in touch.)
Thank God, all that abstinence malarkey never really caught on here - and I'm damn sure that it never really will. We just don't do that kind of thing over here. We're too cynical and sarcastic and suspicious, and our inbuilt bullshit-detectors work far too well from birth. It's why we've never had an English religious right. Or an English Jerry Falwell.
Or, thank the Lord for small mercies, an English Ann Coulter.
Our home-grown British teenagers may go to see Twilight and swoon over young Count Jonas. But give them a few days, and they'll be back swigging White Lightning in bus shelters and getting pregnant at fourteen like good'uns. That's what real adolescence is all about. And in this dark and broken time, that's something us Brits can be proud of.
Abstinence is for wimps.
J x
| 2 Feb 09, 3:23 PM ClitMeister UK(OX), 3 yrs  |
very observant and fucking funny with it x | ||
| 2 Feb 09, 3:38 PM Ima_Kant UK(PO), 3 yrs  |
Don't beat around the bush... is it any good or not? There's only one thing worse than not getting what you want... and that's getting it! | ||
| 2 Feb 09, 5:23 PM MarcusStrapp UK(CB), 7 yrs |
Raises eyebrow. What do you think it would take for a swathe of this "too cynical and sarcastic and suspicious" middle England to accede to being micro chipped like a pet? I reckon Tescos offering 5% reduction in the weekly shopping bill for your convenience of not having to remember your credit card would bring them in. -- Marcus Strapp Current Mood: Extremely cynical
The Fetish Photo Album A free and private flickr group for IC members to share dirty pictures! | ||
| 2 Feb 09, 6:46 PM proccie UK(HP), 6 yrs  |
Twiglet was OK for a day out with my Boys, but fairly instantly forgettable. There are four books in the series so expect seqelae, proccie Edited to add, they are not abstinent either. Zen S&M: The sound of one hand smacking. Edited 2 Feb 09, 6:47 PM by proccie | ||
| 8 Feb 09, 4:16 PM juliettex UK, 3 yrs |
Hey Marcus. Didn't say we were clever, just cynical  J x
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| 8 Feb 09, 4:16 PM juliettex UK, 3 yrs |
Well, thank you very much ClitMeister J x
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