How to break up (90)

I have recently (and still am) going through this.

My feeling on it is to be as honest as possible without causing unneccessary distress, being honest about the reasons etc, and then to withdraw from the other persons life to allow both parties a chance to reflect on their lives and to learn from the experience.

There are problems with this though... The other partner can feel totally neglected and let down, I feel like a cunt, The discipline of knowing its right versus missing the partner.

What is the best way to do it?

Would be so much better if you could buy a manual from waterstones or something.

Ross

To perv and protect

In just the way you stated above - it is hard and you have to be strong about it!

Kat

Come along to the Cheltenham & Gloucester Munch on the 4th Tuesday of the Month - please contact me for more details.

Personally i would send a text saying it aint working goodbye, then ignore them. Saves all that emotional crap....

~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~

Whichever is the best way for the two people involved (if that is always possible)

I don't think you can have a set of rules on this that fits each and every case

As an example, when I broke up with my wife of 27 years, we didn't do it the way that you did - no withdrawing etc. We maintained communication; indeed we lived together for a period after we decided to split and, probably, get on better now than before

Just walk out the back, jack...

Zen S&M: The sound of one hand smacking.
'()_/)
(>'.'<)
(")_(") < MINE!

Or set their house on fire.

But seriously, there is no "best way". I think you have to feel like a cunt sometimes and you also have to give the other person emotional space to work through the feelings of the break up without you being there (in any form) to support them. It's a natural process, albeit painful, of getting used to not having the partner there when in other emotional circumstance would be there. It's never an easy task and it doesn't make you a cunt.

You needn't be mean about it, just firm about the boundary that in this case, you can't help them work through this particular emotional pain.

Perfect behavio(u)r is born of complete indifference.

I agree, I had my ex continue to live with me after he left for someone else, didn't exactly make it easier to get over stuff. Space is always good, we all need it anyway, let alone when such a change is happening.

As long as you can remain calm (ish) and not start to resent the ex then you have nothing to feel bad about. Just hold your ground but be as nice as you can about it.

These things are never easy, but hopefully the other person will respect you for being as polite as possible throughout.

"She said I need somebody...smarter than me, I need to exercise my vocabulary! I'll shut up and learn from... I'll shut up now."

I also think, and this can be the really difficult bit, putting a bit of space between you for a while can really help. It doesn't have to be no contact whatsoever. The odd email or text wouldn't hurt but I'd try not to get too involved in the emotional stuff of the break up at the early stages. I think that runs the risk of trying to reconcile for all the wrong reasons.

I also think that putting a bit of distance there, but still being in touch, in the early stages means that you can both move on more quickly and, providing there's been no breach of trust on either part, pave the way for a lasting friendship after you've both dealt with the initial turmoil.

Good luck with it Lima xx

life is like a box of chocolates ........ too many coffee creams !

yep, the

'U r dumped'

txt is always a winner!!

DoN't WaStE YoUR TiME On A MaN WhO Isn't WiLLiNG tO WasTe ThEiR tImE On You...