Posted by crimsonsky on Fri 30 Jan 09, 2:49 PM to crimsonsky's blog.
I was smoking a cigarette outside the cinema, vacuuming the smoke into my lungs, speed smoking in an effort to get the maximum nicotine in the available time before the start of the film when I noticed a couple with a young child looking at the programme times.Nothing unusual about this snapshot of cosy domesticity but something in the picture was wrong, the woman appeared to have forgotten her skirt.
I looked again, well stared would be more accurate but I couldn't help myself. She was young and attractive with bouncy hair, he was groomed and fit, the child was Hollywood cute. The only sour note was the fact that she appeared to have forgotten her skirt. Had she been naked or wearing the minutest of bikinis it would have warranted a second look but my attention would have wandered to something else, somewhere else magpielike to shiny shoes or sparkly things seen from the corner of my eye. However my eyes kept getting drawn back no matter how much I willed myself to look away. Long, bouffy hair resting against her dark jumper she smiled at her man as they debated the choice of film. Black boots, nice boots but not stunning. I tried to look everywhere except at her legs which were encased in wooly black tights, nothing wrong with that except for the absence of her skirt. The outline of her knickers could clearly be seen beneath the wiggly wooly seam of her tights. I tried to figure this out, could they be leggings? This idea was dismissed, no they were definitely tights of the wooly variety. Was this a sign from God? Had fashion finally passed me by and turned me in my mother. Muttering in bus queues with the other old ladies about Young People Today and saying things like " Jesus Christ, What the fuck are you wearing" and " You're not leaving the house like that!" Dismissed this thought too, surely I would have noticed fashion for forgetting skirts. I looked at the man, he didn't seem to be peturbed by the lack of a skirt. Was it possible he hadn't noticed, entirely plausible for a man but sin of a greater magnitude than not not noticing new haircut, perhaps they were married? Hollywood cute child appeared not to have noticed either. Tried to imagine my small child not noticing my lack of skirt and failed, would not be allowed to leave house. No getting around this, lack of skirt must be deliberate but despite this I had an overwhelming urge to talk to her, to point out the obvious lack of skirt and check that she really hadn't forgotten her skirt. I fought with myself and after momentous tussle won battle biting lip to prevent myself from going over and whispering in sympathetic tone as one would to friend who emerged from toilet with dress tucked in knickers.
My adopted cat appears to have an abscess over his eye. If he was my cat the action would be obvious, a quick trip to the vets for draining and antibiotics. Not sure of etiquette for treating someone else's cat. Particularly when complications involved. I know cat's legal owner, have passed time of day and exchanged pleasantries about fleas and other cat related subjects. He asked me to call in for tea one day which I did expecting more flea related chatter but heart sunk when he made a pass at me. I hadn't anticpated that having given him no encouragement and only having discussed fleas with him. Cat owner part of nuclear family, married with a few children and a dog. Shouldn't have been shocked by proposition despite lack of encouragement. Was still shocked by his stupidity to think I would consider his proposition. " But aren't you married? " I asked. " Does that make a difference?" he responded. "Yes, I'm afraid it does." I answered gravely and changed subject and made small talk until finished my tea and could make my getaway. Later was struck by thought that he had heard the rumour spread by my nightmare neighbour who had taken trouble to tell half the street that I was a prostitute. I had been informed of this by ex Goth neighbour and the man who works in the bakers. Was slightly mollified by his assurance that if I was wouldn't be living in a dump like this, which inferred that if I was a prostitute would be a well paid one. Not sure why that made me feel better. Have decided to take cowards way out and get babyfadder to drop note into cat owner to inform that visit to vet required
I found a small handbell in the local charity shop whilst rummaging through ancient fish kettles and jelly moulds and knitted toilet roll covers.Naturally I was struck by the potential of the object and bought it for the princely sum of one pound. I was most amused by the prospect of ringing the bell for service. Unfortunately small child was struck by it's potential too and I was hoist by my own petard. Small child clearly chip off the old block and spent last evening ringing bell for food and drinks and nutella sandwiches.This game afforded no end of amusement. Have now hidden bell in garden.
| 30 Jan 09, 3:28 PM newfavourite UK(S), 4 yrs  |
I have noticed that 'I forgot to put on my skirt this morning' look too! I like your new photos, btw. Has anyone ever told you you look like the beautiful Joni Mitchell? They have now. The more you ignore me, the closer I get. | |
| 30 Jan 09, 3:57 PM crimsonsky UK, 6 yrs |
Thank you. They have, although I can't see the resemblance myself. As for the "forgot to put on my skirt" trend I can only say Jesus wept and accept that I am now officially old and have finally transformed into my mother. |
