Posted by JudyInDsGuise on Wed 28 Jan 09, 3:52 PM to JudyInDsGuise's blog.
Following Crucio's blog, I thought I'd make up my own (ya know, for balance n all that 
)
I cannot read minds. |
I don't need you to read my mind. "Clean the bath when you get out of it" doesn't require you trying to second-guess whether I mean *every* time, just fucking do it.
| Learn to use the toilet seat, I need it up, you need it down. Stop fucking going on at me, how hard is it?? |
I don't care how you leave the seat. I'm still impressed that you hit the bowl sometimes.
| Crying is Blackmail, stop it. |
I know crying is blackmail. Do the things I want, and I won't have to cry.
| If tha wants summat, ask. Simple. Just so you know, Subtle hints don't work, Strong hints don't work. Hints in any strength do not work. |
"We need to talk" isn't a hint.
| “Yes” or “No” or “Do I look like I give a fuck” are perfectly acceptable answers to most of your questions when out shopping..... and Peach is a fruit, not a colour. |
If we're out shopping for food, I'm absolutely fine with you saying "no, don't get tuna steaks". 3 days later, puhleeze try not to ring me at work to ask where the tuna steaks are because you fancy them for dinner.
| Don't bother me with a problem if you don't want me to fix it. I'm a bloke, we fix things, if you want sympathy get a dog or ring a girlfriend. |
It's great that you fix things...as long as I remember that the red tap is the cold one and not to put anything on the middle shelf because it's held up with two matchsticks and a folded page from the Radio Times.
| If I said it more than a week ago, you cannot bring it up in an argument. Fact. |
I don't need to bring up anything you said over a week ago. It's enough that I remember it
| If you think your fat, you probably are, don't ask for the truth about how your arse looks and then start crying when I tell you the truth. |
When I'm about to shred 30 dresses with scissors, because I'm frustrated due to being too fat to be comfortable in them, it's *not* the time to tell me "oh hurry up, you look fine in any those". A wise man would ensure the scissors are no longer in my hand.
| It's mine and I'll scratch if I want to….and I'll wash it as fast as I like. |
Scratch it as much as you like. However, if I see *anything* crawling on it, it's *all* going in the incinerator.
| Don't ask me what I'm thinking. You won't like the answer, it's probably Cheryl Cole or Rugby or Both. |
The reason I ask "what are you thinking?" is because you haven't moved or spoken for 3 days, and I'm checking that you're still alive.
| If I ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”. End of story. I know there is something wrong, but in all honesty I don't really care. |
Sometimes "nothing" *is* what's wrong. Sometimes *you* are "nothing".
| I don't care which is fluffiest, kittens or rabbits. |
And I don't care about the off-side rule.
| You have enough cloths, You have too many shoes, You have too many handbags. |
Yes, but none of them are new. Never underestimate the power of new shoes/handbags/clothes. Your cock will be grateful, even if you aren't.
| I do not need your advice on how to dress, I've done it for 30 years on my own. Sort your own shit out first, you look like Stevie Wonder dressed you. |
Great, I should buy myself some new clothes 
| If you try and make me sleep on the sofa, I couldn't care less, it's like camping and men like camping. |
"Playing tents" in the morning is *not* camping.
| See, simple creatures us men. |
| 28 Jan 09, 3:55 PM FireOfTheDragon UK, 3 yrs  |
nice one, JudyInDisguise,
you beat me to it Im only smiling because they havn't found the bodies yet.... | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 4:06 PM starry_x UK, 7 yrs |
Absolutely fantastic and every one spot on Judy . At least yours are your own work, the other version has been doing the rounds for years starry xx | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 4:17 PM Lee_Van_Spunkenfrick 3 yrs |
i think i would rather read bdsm poetry ! all for one and fuck the rest | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 4:22 PM GeeeGeee UK, 5 yrs |
Class. What is food to one is to others bitter poison. | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 4:34 PM Lascif 3 yrs |
Genius, well done Intrigue my imagination to capture my attention. | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 4:47 PM Queen_Victoria UK(E), 5 yrs  |
Don't lie. If you persist I'll have to send you some. I want to be a Pearly Queen! | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 4:50 PM Lee_Van_Spunkenfrick 3 yrs |
tis the truth .... i never thought i would admit to prefering bdsm poetry over anything but it goes to show that one should never say never .... all for one and fuck the rest | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 5:37 PM Lord_Gobbimort 6 yrs |
It's great that you fix things...as long as I remember that the red tap is the cold one and not to put anything on the middle shelf because it's held up with two matchsticks and a folded page from the Radio Times. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA This is my fav | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 5:39 PM Lord_Gobbimort 6 yrs |
Well go and read poetry then. Im all for free speach ect and the right to rebuttle but i find some peoples belief that they can comment on every single effin post... grr Its someones weblog and they never asked for comment. | |||
| 28 Jan 09, 5:40 PM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
I am LOVING these blogs! "Well-behaved women rarely make history" |
