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| alexandraa |
So earlier this week, I nearly left IC for good, nearly did a bat and ball job. To my amazement I found my views deleted by “admin”. Apparently I was, quote “slagging off” someone. Has administration been delegated to a 13 year old I did wonder??? I've hummed and harred. To leave completely a site that no longer encourages debate and learning, or to battle on and stick with something that has been a good resource for knowledge, debate, titillation, gossip and laughs over the years. I'm still undecided, but for now will keep my views to weblogs, where apparently I will not be censored…. they assure me…...
I found the particular post in question of no real interest, it was about eating dog food, whatever, do what you like, who cares, that's odd and probably not a good idea, choose something else nasty to eat like brussel sprouts and marmite, but hey, whatever, each to their own weirdness.
What piqued my interest and the reason I responded was a view by the original poster within which he said eating dog food was the deepest form of submisison to him. No no no no no no…… was my view. Suddenly in front of me was someone who has an entirely different understanding to me on what power exchange, dominance and submission are about. So obviously I bit....
I found the comment devaluing from my perspective regarding my understanding of what dominance and submission mean to me. Which is all I said, what it means to me. Fair cop to some small extent, I had launched in, probably too hastily and without proper explanation, it was late and I was multi tasking. I went back the next day to expand my thinking and explain properly my meaning and hello, I had been deleted!! Gasp shock horror. Anyway, here is my explanation -
Eating something, doing something, anything you "don't like", it's an action. It's an act that might demonstrate obedience, something that in someway might reinforce a dynamic within a relationship. Fair enough I can see that, but my point was I felt more that the example was an act of play, a kick, a buzz, a kink, a fetish, not actually about submission and dominance how I understand it. If your dominant no longer fancies doing that, how then do you feel your deepest submission?
To me, dominance and submission mean power exchange within a deep relationship involving high quality communication. It means giving your all, thinking of your dominant's needs before your own, his pleasure and happiness, his contentment with his life. And vice versa. It's a vast scope, it's your whole world. It's about joy and fulfilment in your whole life. My submission to my dominant is about my everyday getting up, going to work, planning, thinking, cooking, cleaning, every dull mundanity as well as, sexual pleasure, SM humiliation, degradation, whatever sexual/non sexual kink you might care to name, all that too, if you so want.
I don't have to prove my submission to him by doing something I hate and he certainly doesn't need reassurance about my submission or his control, by forcing me to do such acts.
All of that "all that too" is icing on the cake surely? Game play. You can take all those aspects out of my relationship and still, I have a deep relationship involving complete power exchange. Still there is utter submission and still there is dominance and control. I can demonstrate my deepest form of submission to my dominant without any form of kink or sexual act coming into it. I give him my all, handed on a plate, and proactively do everything within my power to make his whole life a wonderful and happy place to be, to make sure everyday he feels ten feet tall, elated and alive.
Eating dog food? That's nothing. Simply nothing, when placed in the scheme of what power exchange really means to me. It doesn't show or demonstrate anything apart from an idiot idea on behalf of my dominant and the fact I'd do anything he asked but think he was temporarily nuts.
Does it demonstrate dominance to me? Absolutely not. His dominance is stressed to me when he helps me with a tough life decision, when he leads and mentors and nurtures me. When he guides and cares for me and progresses my life in positive directions.
His sadism and sexual needs are demonstrated when he teases and whips me. Our play emphasises and renews our power exchange but then so does simple straight forward sex or him making a decision about where do I go to eat with a submissive friend of mine. The small things add up and make the whole but the whole is huge.
I hope you can see from my perspective, how someone saying eating something they don't like is a form of deepest submission, devalued my definition of submission, and was something I found insulting as to what submission and dominance, in their totality, mean to me.
Each to their own of course......
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Edited to include a link to this blog where there is further discussion on this topic -
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/222934/
Edited Sat 17 Jan 09, 1:38 PM by alexandraa
| 17 Jan 09, 9:44 AM MissP UK(EN), 8 yrs |
You're more the Whiskas type anyway  | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 9:49 AM alexandraa UK(NW), 8 yrs |
Haha I'm actually allergic to fish and products containing fish, they make me vomit but no lasting damage, and when we do talk about this kind of play he teases me about covering his cock in taramasalata and leaving me with that predicament..... to do an act I absolutely adore or not.... To suck or not to suck.... He's evil.
Be careful what you wish for | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 10:19 AM alexandraa UK(NW), 8 yrs |
Awwww thank you for your supportive words. And yes i am getting on in years now too.... sighhhh. But still sexy as hell!!
Be careful what you wish for | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 10:41 AM Elvenkind 7 yrs  |
Well balanced,old member? What on earth Mike..lol I.C still seems to be a little hungover from the festive period. I'm hoping things will calm down soon though. I donated to the website and would like to see, as Alexandra expressed, good old fashioned debate. I mean proper debate, not going off on one and taking it personally when someone disagrees with you. It is a DEBATE. Alexandra, with you 100%. arwen xxx Is it because us " oldies", see all sided?
a 4 foot, 11 and 3/4 inch elf. | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 10:56 AM alexandraa UK(NW), 8 yrs |
No idea what's going on. Just had a memo telling me I'm bitter and twisted and to leave..... so consequently expect a weblog from me everyday now!!! Hahahha you have to laugh. It's the debate I miss too but clearly a lot of people prefer to gossip and bitch and take everything personally to the nth degree...
Be careful what you wish for Edited 17 Jan 09, 11:00 AM by alexandraa | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 10:59 AM Elvenkind 7 yrs |
If only they knew you personally, my darling. Where's the passion gone? arwen xxx a 4 foot, 11 and 3/4 inch elf. | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 11:01 AM alexandraa UK(NW), 8 yrs |
Plenty of that in my household.... wink... xxxxxxxxxxx Be careful what you wish for | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 11:17 AM TheUnleashed UK(DY), 3 yrs |
Wonderfully expressed blog. The experience of the D/s relationship is of course completely subjective and individual but I am absolutely on your side of the line here: a single act like this may indeed have great significance but only insofar as it functions as a larger part of a complete mindset and it is the more mentally encompassing and life-defining subtleties which to me come to define the true nature of such a relationship. (edited for poor spelling) nil volentibus arduum Edited 17 Jan 09, 12:06 PM by TheUnleashed | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 11:41 AM DomRoss UK(EH), 6 yrs |
Couldn't agree more, the Power imbalance should be felt throughout Everything not through a single one off act. But as is often said, It does mean different things for different people. To perv and protect | ||
| 17 Jan 09, 12:02 PM dave_j UK(L), 7 yrs |
having read through the original thread and the other blog and now this one, (all after the various contentious posts were deleted from the original thread) i actually have to say that your blog here reads as if you are trying to say that your definition/ your version of what 'deep sumbission' means is more valid than anyone elses. (obviously that may not be the intention but that is the way it reads, and your use of bold text doesnt help your cause in that respect) obviously it is more valid and more important to you, but then again his definiton is more important to him as well. so while i have no idea what either you or anyone else wrote originally that got deleted i have to say that on the basis of this blog i think you may well be placing too much weight on how your definitions of submission relate to other people. and perhaps this is why admin were notified of your contributions to that thread. and actually i also think it possible you may have misunderstood what that person meant with their comment on 'total submission'; and that possibly thier definition and yours are not all that different after all. he is talking about the act of eating the disgusting thing (and he does say that its not specifically the dogfood) being the deep submission. and it is. by eating this thing which he finds disgusting he is submitting to the dominants will, putting what the dominant wants ahead of what he wants. which is pretty much the same as your definition. he appears to simply be providing that as an example. he is putting his dominants wish to see him eat this, to humiliate him perhaps, or as part of some training ahead of his own dislike of it, his own desire not to eat it. sounds pretty similar to your own definition of '....power exchange.... thinking of your dominants needs before your own' but even if it isnt the same as your definition there is no reason why it is not equally (or more) vaild, especially to him. and if the tone of parts of this blog were present in your original post then i can easily imagine how admin took the view that they were rather more than just 'debate and learning' they can have my FREEDOM when they pry it from my cold dead hands. |
