Seeing a dominatrix. (30)

Moved from Other BDSM

This post is on the Pro-Mistresses etc web board.

Tue 6 Jan 09, 9:48 PM
annie79
UK, 14 mths
I discovered my boyfriends interest in BDSM which triggered my inquisitive mind into finding out more about it. And I loved what I found. We began experimenting and including D/s and play into our lives. All was going fantastically well, and as usual I embraced the new experiences with gusto and enthusiasm. However, he admitted that he had paid to see a dominatrix whilst in a relationship with me. Although it was early on in our relationship and myself and he have introduced it to our bedroom. Im finding it hard not to feel betrayed and that he cheated on me. The thought of someone doing to him what I do makes me feel pyhsically ill, even tho it was a long time ago. Am I right to feel this way or should I just try to forget?

6 Jan 09, 10:02 PM
CookieMonster
UK(RH), 3 yrs
I would suggest its a way you interpret it.
He loves you so much more later in the relationship to reveal a past "sin", rather than having a fading relationship where hes wondered to seek solace elsewhere.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kTsPehGscVY
What you call a muppet on acid.

6 Jan 09, 10:14 PM
awyehz
UK(CV), 14 mths

annie79 wrote:
Am I right to feel this way or should I just try to forget?
'trying to forget' is probably the worst thing you can do; you can't rescue a relationship by pretending things never happened. they'll only come back.

6 Jan 09, 10:14 PM
Attitude_Adjuster
UK(WC), 3 yrs

annie79 wrote:
Seeing a dominatrix.
I discovered my boyfriends interest in BDSM which triggered my inquisitive mind into finding out more about it. And I loved what I found. We began experimenting and including D/s and play into our lives. All was going fantastically well, and as usual I embraced the new experiences with gusto and enthusiasm. However, he admitted that he had paid to see a dominatrix whilst in a relationship with me. Although it was early on in our relationship and myself and he have introduced it to our bedroom. Im finding it hard not to feel betrayed and that he cheated on me. The thought of someone doing to him what I do makes me feel pyhsically ill, even tho it was a long time ago. Am I right to feel this way or should I just try to forget?
I think its natural to feel that way to a greater or lesser extent. Whether that dominates your relationship from now on is up to you, but I would say that honesty is an admirable quality, and that he has told you about it, in many ways is a positive.
And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!
Edited 6 Jan 09, 10:25 PM by Attitude_Adjuster

6 Jan 09, 10:15 PM
boy050505
UK, 4 yrs And if he had revealed he had seen a professional sex therapist about his low sex drive because he did not want it to damage his budding relationship with you? That her advice had given him the courage to be honest about his sexuality with you which had consequently made your relationship stronger? Perhaps your reaction reveals as much about your view of PD's as it does about your partners "sin".
My advice, focus on what you have now and learn from the past to make the future better.
Life is not a munch.
You do not need to wear a label to join in

6 Jan 09, 10:23 PM
Ms_Sodomitrix
UK(E), 4 yrs
If it really makes you feel that bad, talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Not to make him feel bad or guilty, but just because talking sincerely and openly is always the best policy.
I'm a Genuine Fake.

6 Jan 09, 10:33 PM
Attitude_Adjuster
UK(WC), 3 yrs

not sure why this is got moved to the pro- board.... seems like the wrong place to me!
And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!

7 Jan 09, 10:23 AM
Mistress_Sapphire
UK(NW), 8 yrs
£
My own opinion is, that by seeing a pro it was a no strings business transaction. If on the other hand he went to see a non pro.......then maybe there would be cause for concern on your part.

7 Jan 09, 11:17 AM
Jahc99
UK, 3 yrs

Mistress_Sapphire wrote:
My own opinion is, that by seeing a pro it was a no strings business transaction. If on the other hand he went to see a non pro.......then maybe there would be cause for concern on your part.
Yes, the point being he had the kinky itch, and got it scratched - not by starting up a rival relationship but by seeing a professional. Big difference.
And now you are enjoying kink yourselves, and he's reached the point where he feels able to be that open and honest with you - that's good, isn't it? Many never get so far, perhaps rather than reacting in horror, you can see a positive side to this?
Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?

7 Jan 09, 11:39 AM
Stallen
UK, 3 yrs
maybe you should try concentrating on where you are NOW, not some place back in time.
Sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling whether its feeling betrayed or upset that he couldn't share his kink with you at the time.
Sounds like he's an honest guy to me.
I vote he's a keeper based on what you've said.

Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into a giant oak! Bury a sheep, and nothing happens but decay!" �George Bernard Shaw
http://stallenuk.webng.com/Random/

7 Jan 09, 1:50 PM
Bad_dog_no_biscuit
UK(S), 2 yrs
Don't forget there's likely to be a huge difference between what you get up to with him and what happens between a pro domme and her client. When you and he play it's presumably very intimate and includes lots of sexual stuff, whereas most real professional dommes will not offer any sexual services and if it was a one-off it would not have had any of the intimacy it obviously holds for you if you feel this way.

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