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Your type of dominance. (38)

This post is on the Oxford (OX) topics page and the D/s & M/s web board.

Fri 28 Nov 08, 6:24 PM
Submissive1
UK(OX), 4 yrs
A conversation I had the other day got me thinking about different types of dominance and brought to mind an analogy from the years I spent training horses.

For me the way that worked was to treat every horse differently and working with them in a fairly sympathetic way, although there was always a degree of firmness involved (after all they are big strong animals and for safety's sake they most have a degree of respect for humans), I would always try and do things in a way that encouraged the horse to want to co-operate and in the case of a more spirited animal, to use that spirit to get a good performance from the horse rather than squashing the spirit to gain obedience.

Some trainers will use much firmer methods, they usually have a fairly set course that they will follow and they expect the horse to be obedient with no room for quirks or spirited behaviour and if the horse does not comply it is usually sent elsewhere as they consider it unsuitable for the job.

Then at the other extreme are the cowboy type methods where they will get out their ropes and battle through with the horse not giving up until that horse and any spirit it had are broken, expecting nothing less that total obedience at the end of the process.

Now I hope to find someone that uses a similar way as I did with my horses and because I have never been very good with authority I think I would just rebel against the other ways. So, subs out there what type of dominance works for you and Dom/mes which do you use?

I am not saying any are the right or twue way and I believe the right way is the way that works for you but I'm interested in how we all vary with these things, although the cowboy type way wouldn't work for me I am sure there must be people out there that it would work for and I'm hoping any comments may help me get a better insight into what works for me.

28 Nov 08, 9:00 PM
SinPar
US, 12 yrs
For myself, I think it's better to have a repertoire of methods rather than a cookie cutter. I find that people's ability to listen and understand what I want from them varies sometimes so it's better to have a stock of different approaches. It doesn't make the authority/submission interchange any different at the heart of things, it just makes communication clearer.

From a service perspective, if I've done something the same way forever and the submissive thinks of a way to do it better/faster/more efficiently... I certainly think that it's worth changing. On those few things that I want done a certain way- I explain in advance why it's important that no creativity or shortcuts are desired.

When it comes to matters of SM, though, I'm much more of a hard case about things. We do it my way (after negotiation) and only the appearance of a bona fide emergency is really going to change things. I realize it makes me not many people's taste in a dominant. I just don't like deals with strings attached.

SinPar

-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis)

29 Nov 08, 1:31 AM
Altissimus
UK(NW), 5 yrs

If we're talking about training, rather than living day-to-day, then I'd certainly take a route which best suits that particular sub. I would, in essence, look to understand them, their strengths, weaknesses and desires, and then play these things off against each other until I have the result I want.

Been a while since I've done this actually. Writing that reminds me how much fun it is.

Sadistically chuckling,

A.

29 Nov 08, 5:44 AM
Super_Slut_321
UK(MK), 4 yrs
Can I be your horse please? Pretty, pretty, pretty please? I am sure that, whatever you do, it will work for me.

I have never been good with authority either. I aways want to rebel too. The strange thing is though: When it's a beautiful woman telling me what to do I can be as obedient as a puppy and as docile as a lamb.

The only problem is that my vocabulary can get rather limited at those times. I start to find that all I really want to say is:

Take me Goddess! I am your slave. Your every wish is my command!

Submissive1 wrote:
Your type of dominance.

A conversation I had the other day got me thinking about different types of dominance and brought to mind an analogy from the years I spent training horses.

For me the way that worked was to treat every horse differently and working with them in a fairly sympathetic way, although there was always a degree of firmness involved (after all they are big strong animals and for safety's sake they most have a degree of respect for humans), I would always try and do things in a way that encouraged the horse to want to co-operate and in the case of a more spirited animal, to use that spirit to get a good performance from the horse rather than squashing the spirit to gain obedience.

Some trainers will use much firmer methods, they usually have a fairly set course that they will follow and they expect the horse to be obedient with no room for quirks or spirited behaviour and if the horse does not comply it is usually sent elsewhere as they consider it unsuitable for the job.

Then at the other extreme are the cowboy type methods where they will get out their ropes and battle through with the horse not giving up until that horse and any spirit it had are broken, expecting nothing less that total obedience at the end of the process.

Now I hope to find someone that uses a similar way as I did with my horses and because I have never been very good with authority I think I would just rebel against the other ways. So, subs out there what type of dominance works for you and Dom/mes which do you use?

I am not saying any are the right or twue way and I believe the right way is the way that works for you but I'm interested in how we all vary with these things, although the cowboy type way wouldn't work for me I am sure there must be people out there that it would work for and I'm hoping any comments may help me get a better insight into what works for me.

29 Nov 08, 10:13 AM
Scorpionic
UK(BN), 6 yrs

I've helped train a few horses over the years and have lots of experience training dogs. I've also trained the odd sub here and there.

For me personally, any training starts with one thing - trust bred through familiarity. It takes time to get to know the subtle nuances of the "pupil". The same goes for training subs. All horses, dogs, subs are different. There may be similarities between them but still they are all unique. Some are maleable, some are feisty, some are changeable. Some are wired in the right way to make good subs, and some aren't.

Surely, any Dom/me must view each sub as an individual and learn about them before they can set the sub on a path of training (at least to gain the best possible outcome for both)?

I'd rather work with the horse/dog/sub than against it. A broken spirit is a pitiful thing.

(Interesting topic though, thanks - it made me think) :)

>;;;;--*
... "Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?..” ~ C/o Mr. Spike Milligan

29 Nov 08, 6:52 PM
Sorceror
UK(HU), 9 yrs
Step 1) Recognise your submissive's needs Step 2) Fulfil them.

Others may be less direct.

I'm 6'1" BTW.

S....x.

29 Nov 08, 8:14 PM
Altissimus
UK(NW), 5 yrs

Sorceror wrote:
Step 1) Recognise your submissive's needs Step 2) Fulfil them.

Did you say you were sub or dom?

30 Nov 08, 4:04 PM
Submissive1
UK(OX), 4 yrs
Scorpionic wrote:
I'd rather work with the horse/dog/sub than against it. A broken spirit is a pitiful thing.

That's the way I think but from some of the approaches and discussions I have had with some people on here I'm sure there are Doms and subs that feel spirit shouldn't be allowed for in the quest for obedience? :-p

20 Dec 08, 9:06 PM
twisted_kitty
UK(OX), 4 yrs

Someone with alot of patience who does rush or push as for as a relationship is concerned. Who's actions showed me he would be by my side no matter what happens. Couple that up with a dom who has the ability to understand me and what i need better than i do half the time. Some days he takes what he wants and pushes me to my limits. He talks and listens to me alot and communication is so important to him.

Life is a biatch ... fuck her dont take her too seriously but love her with all your heart!
comments are always edited cause i is a typo princess innit though ... am i bothered :-D :-D :-D :-D

20 Dec 08, 10:09 PM
Mistress_Avralivia
UK(RG), 4 yrs
£
You can train a sub/slave to be obedient and to know how to please you without crushing whats makes them uniquely them.

If someone wants a sub/slave with no character and no personality more fool them.

Senno Ekto Gamat

21 Dec 08, 12:56 AM
Degenerate*
UK(M), 5 yrs

Submissive1 wrote:
Your type of dominance.

A conversation I had the other day got me thinking about different types of dominance and brought to mind an analogy from the years I spent training horses.

For me the way that worked was to treat every horse differently and working with them in a fairly sympathetic way, although there was always a degree of firmness involved (after all they are big strong animals and for safety's sake they most have a degree of respect for humans), I would always try and do things in a way that encouraged the horse to want to co-operate and in the case of a more spirited animal, to use that spirit to get a good performance from the horse rather than squashing the spirit to gain obedience.

Some trainers will use much firmer methods, they usually have a fairly set course that they will follow and they expect the horse to be obedient with no room for quirks or spirited behaviour and if the horse does not comply it is usually sent elsewhere as they consider it unsuitable for the job.

Then at the other extreme are the cowboy type methods where they will get out their ropes and battle through with the horse not giving up until that horse and any spirit it had are broken, expecting nothing less that total obedience at the end of the process.

Now I hope to find someone that uses a similar way as I did with my horses and because I have never been very good with authority I think I would just rebel against the other ways. So, subs out there what type of dominance works for you and Dom/mes which do you use?

I am not saying any are the right or twue way and I believe the right way is the way that works for you but I'm interested in how we all vary with these things, although the cowboy type way wouldn't work for me I am sure there must be people out there that it would work for and I'm hoping any comments may help me get a better insight into what works for me.

Oh crap I want to be really intelligent and detailed but my brain just keeps spitting out - I wouldnt want ot draw up some definitive list of types as I think it's more complex than that. I try to use the types/styles which work for the individual I am dominant to - so potentially any type which is within my limits. A bit chunk of the fun for me is in working that out.

De

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