This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 22 Nov 08, 12:25 PM kisses_for_me UK, 5 yrs  |
Therein lies the difference. Within this d/s (and I hope many others) relationship, punishment is never abritary, unjust or excessive. If that were the case it would not be punishment, it would be pure sadism. Firm, fair and consistent are the watchwords of how punishment is administered within this household, and often things done for "play" may seem far harsher than what is administered as punishment. Its the reason and mindset or feelings behind the act that makes a difference. It's easy to tell the difference between right and wrong. What's hard is choosing the wrong that's more right. | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 12:42 PM Lee_Van_Spunkenfrick 3 yrs |
it could be that as i get older my brain is working differently, i used to analyse everything, the why was important. i had a need to understand everything and i would ponder, converse and explore until i found the key ... imagine an inverted triangle, wide at the top, the boadside of confusion and at the bottom is the point, the singular root of it all .... in this instance for me the root of it would be pleasure ... enjoyment ... if it is pleasure then there is no problem... if it wasn't all about pleasure for a partner then they don't deserve to be my partner. i feel that i am at my best when my mind is calm and it can only be calm and i can only have peace of mind when there is no confusion and no problems. solution - to avoid confusion and to not create problems. love is the journey, peace is the road. all for one and fuck the rest | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 1:40 PM linden284 UK, 5 yrs |
To answer the first point
I find punishment very difficult to deal with. Fairly early on in our relationship Covenant punished me for something I did that really went against the power exchange dynamic. That punishment situation opened up a torrent of negative feelings I didn't even know was there, surprising us both. It's a dark place I don't want to go back to again. I enjoy flogging, spanking, caning etc within a play context - I love knowing it's something he is really enjoying. But as soon as punishment is mentioned, even in a play context, it creates some emotional issues for me. It's something that I am learning to deal with and break through. 'Punishment' doesn't kill my love, but it does create resentment. I'm not perfect, I do things that disappoint him, but we now deal with it by talking. I don't feel the need to 'redeem' myself as such - if I do something he doesn't like there is usually a good reason for it and communication between us sorts it out.
Totally agree. I don't want to spoil the play side of our relationship by connecting it with punishment and displeasure. It took a while to break down my barriers and I don't want to resurrect them. lx I found just what I wanted but I got so much more ~ Love walked in through my door | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 2:03 PM linden284 UK, 5 yrs |
It happens, we are all human after all. There is not a man on this Earth who has never upset a woman! If it's big issue - and we have faced a couple of those - then I need space to think about the situation and sort my feelings out - that means we may go a couple of days without contact (my choice). Then we talk and decide on a way forward. It takes time and patience on both sides but it's worth it.
I agree. If I didn't want the power exchange then I wouldn't be in the relationship I have. lx I found just what I wanted but I got so much more ~ Love walked in through my door | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 2:47 PM Tadashii_Aikouka 5 yrs |
I find it easier to cope with being physically punished if I've upset or annoyed him. If he's upset or angry he doesn't usually feel like interacting with me at all and certainly wouldn't want to beat me. But I'd rather that than the endless apologising and waiting for him to get over it, while feeling horrible and upset. At least a beating would get it over with and I'd feel like the matter had been dealt with and we could move on. I guess the problem is that when the dom is actually upset, it's not such a good idea to get physical. So perhaps one would have to wait until he wasn't pissed off anymore, and that means waiting and apologising and feeling horrible anyway. But I think a CP session can kind of draw a line under the issue. I guess him wanting to beat me means he's forgiven me. I struggle with CP if there's no reason for it. It can be fun, but I'm much more likely to get pissed off and bite him or smack him back or something, and then I really get punished! | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 2:57 PM TaintedDesire UK(YO), 7 yrs |
I like punishment, i don't 'like' the physical act itself, but, it helps me get over what I did in the first place that caused the punishment. I'm a brooder and I brood on a lot of things, if I have let my M down badly, my own guilt and feelings some say would be enough as a punishment, but, I don't realy feel like we can move on and start with a clean slate again until I have been punished, I like to feel I've paid my dues, I can't move on from my own broodings until I have. I have never felt unwanted etc during a punishment, as I know that's exactly what it is, a punishment, it's not something my M particular enjoys doing, yes he loves to hurt me, but, as part of something we both enjoy, punishment is not fun for either party, yet it is a part of our dynamic and something I would be loathe to lose, and I know afterwards they will be plenty of cuddles etc. td "A masochist walked up to a sadist, and said 'Hurt me'. The sadist said 'No' and walked away." Edited 22 Nov 08, 2:58 PM by TaintedDesire | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 3:07 PM Janus00 UK(LS), 5 yrs  |
Despite the pleasure I derive from administering CP I would not take pleasure in physically punishing (ie flogging, caning or spanking etc) a submissive even if I was genuinely annoyed with something she had done/not done. Quiet words expressing my disappointment would more likely be used. | ||
| 22 Nov 08, 8:24 PM MasterPhil_uk UK(BS), 11 yrs |
As with the posting regarding titles, punishments are in the same league.
Punishment is personal and part of the individual dynamics of whatever relationship one is in.
During the beginning of our relationship I made the distinction to morgan that punishment was different than play. That if she ever went far enough to warrant it that she would not enjoy the result that would ensue. I had amongst my toys a very nasty paddle, aptly named “The Black Devil” this weapon (cant call it a toy really) is a solid heavy gauge rubber paddle, it requires no energy to inflict pain, just a gentle drop on to the skin. And you know its been there.
Now I don't know whether all sub/slaves do this but it is my belief that a large majority like to test the boundaries, (I know I did when I was a slave many years ago)
morgan did just that, she would push and push to see how I would react, as her Dom (and just getting to learn her limits ) I would issue a gentle canning, paddling, flogging etc, that was until one day she went over the top, the disobedience not only annoyed me as her Dom, what she did was destructive to herself as well, what followed was 6 strokes with the “Black Devil” at force.
Now this may be controversial but IMO safe words do not count during “Punishment”.
Despite her yelling her safe word on the first stroke.
I am pleased to say she has never come back for seconds since that day.
I did not enjoy in any way whatsoever dishing out that punishment, and to this day (six years later) have never had the need to go to that extreme again.
It should be noted there is a ritual that foll0ws any punishment that is given, that is to stand in front of me head down arms out and then (when I say) a big hug.
Yes she misbehaves, argues, winds me up like a trooper, we have gone through the usual spankings, canings, but the most effective now is my voice.
The verbal command, chastisement works as well as the black devil did.
Oh on a humorous note, ask her about orgasm bans that one really works wonders, a month at a time soon brings her back into line LOL. PS.. I still get to have my fun though *WEG*
I will end with one of my favourite quotes
Slave “hit me Master”
Master “No” Regards Phil. Don't forget the HUGZZ!!!
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| 26 Nov 08, 3:49 AM HarmCandy UK, 4 yrs |
I think the last of those would destroy me.
'...For morality is here seen for what it is: a hovering phantom which, if not haunting one's actions has been lost to them, and consequently to oneself.' | ||
| 26 Nov 08, 6:43 AM caras UK, 9 yrs |
I think punishment is a big part of it for me, and people are right a punishment can be a look or a raised eyebrow. The worst part is knowing you have disappointed/upst/let down etc someone you love. Call me strange but as much as I hate being punished because I hate seeing a Dom I love looking disappointed it would be worse if He didnt punish me for it or continually let it slide. I adore making the person I am with happy and proud, doing things to please him, silly normal everyday vanilla stuff not just Ds things. I am a tad on the fiesty side but when I am with a Dom I am obedient I like to make him happy and proud and if I do not do that then I think being punished is important. we all view Ds in different ways we all have our thoughts on whats important to us and making Him happy showing him love being loved and mutual respect are the things that are important to me. I am very outwardly vanilla so maybe thats why I rate "domestic discipline" so highly.
(First post in yonks and I do it in a flu delerium.......hope I made sense |
(unthinkable, but hey it might happen). What sign of displeasure is appropriate then?
My reaction depends on the situation though. Sometimes things are said without thinking, but in themselves are relatively unimportant. I feel hurt and disappointed, but I say nothing, because I know it wasn't done intentionally. If I'm seriously annoyed I try to remove myself from the situation or just go quiet until my negative feelings have passed. 
) 