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what verbally is a sub allowed to say in D/s relat (17)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

19 Nov 08, 10:20 PM
Mistress_Avralivia
UK(RG), 4 yrs
£

I completely agree with everything De said.

Degenerate wrote:
*snip*

Senno Ekto Gamat

28 Nov 08, 12:18 PM
deviantmind
UK(CB), 6 yrs

sublima69 wrote:
I think that communication has got to be the most important part of any relationship in order for it to work. and I think this is even more crucial in a d/s relationship. And I also think that D/s or not, anyone in a relationship should be free to speak their mind, particularly in matters of the heart.

After all, Dom, domme or sub, we are all human, we all have feelings and we should all be free to express those feelings without fear of reproach.

I agree 100%. Communication is vital for any relationship to survive really. You need to be able to share your concerns and fears as well as all the good things you feel. Having said that it can be very hard at times to express yourself, especially if, like me, you are someone who keeps a lot of this close to your chest. I think it's a defence mechanism that is used to stop people getting too close and then hurting you more etc. I am currently trying to work on this myself as that can cause problems in its own right, which can only be solved by communication.

So in answer to the op; what is a sub allowed to say; Anything as long as it's the truth. The 'health' of a relationship is the responsibility of all parties involved and it is up to both to discuss any problems that arise, especially as not all parties may recognise that the other is having a problem/ misread the problem etc.

Life moves pretty fast, if you don't sit back once in a while you may miss it.
Everybody dies but not everyone truely lives

28 Nov 08, 1:54 PM
El_Presidente
UK(G), 4 yrs

crtrcrtr wrote:
what verbally is a sub allowed to say in D/s relat

...

a) Yes Sir.

b) No Sir. (But only under some circumstances)

c) Three bags full Sir.

Combining past and present to make something not quite as good as either.

28 Nov 08, 1:58 PM
totallycoverme
UK(M), 4 yrs

it annoys me how people think that reducing the levle of honest communication is necessary for a D/s relationship

the reality is that there should be the ultimate level of honesty. that's probably why a lot of D/s relationships don't work; lack of honesty

so yeah, tell the truth innit

28 Nov 08, 6:47 PM
Red_Spark
UK(LE), 5 yrs

I believe in people being free to say what they like. I like people being open with me. It avoids all sorts of problems like the one you had where you didn't feel free to totally speak your mind. Okay so there will be consequences from speaking out, but they are rarely if ever as bad as those from *not* speaking.

"Be quiet and come with me. I won't betray you."

28 Nov 08, 7:25 PM
Sorceror
UK(HU), 9 yrs

You are within any relationship with almost no exceptions allowed to say anything, to anyone, at any time.

You are also free to take the consequences afterwards.

Sounds like you weren't sure, you let her know, she hit the road.

Traditionally grovelling and begging are the ways to reverse this but there are no guarantees - particularly if she has someone else.

Query would also be if she left so hard and fast did she have doubts too ?

If you haven't tried yet contact her, tell her how you feel, and beg her to come back.

If she's gone, gone lick your wounds, grow your balls back, and get back in the game.

S....x.

Empathy. The stuff women do for ages because they don't know how to solve the problem. Or just want to go on and on about it.

28 Nov 08, 7:46 PM
Mirren
7 yrs

crtrcrtr wrote:

And cos i was thinking of her ive genuinely left her alone for years but eventually had to tell her how i feel and what really happened and why

But now even though ive been acting so subly and coped with the hurt of me being so hurt knowing i love her on my own and i gen always have thought of her she now doesnt believe me and wont speak.So what did i do wrong and what is a sub allowed to do in these situations and how can i get her to talk to me and believe me.

Realise i hurt her and have by hounding her now with my feelings but what else what choice did i have and she finds it diff to believe someone can be that nice and suffering for years on own and how was all about thinking of her cos im so soft hearted few are as soft hearted as me no offence but its true and i deserve to be severely punished for hurting her then and now.

how can i get her to believe its true i was thinking about her ie why she didnt get to know real reasons for it way i really felt and how ive left her on her own as she wanted while suffering severely myself on my own knowing i still loved her n just cos im human i had to eventually tell her way i felt then and have since hoping if she truly loved me then which im not sure if she did as shes ignoring me understand why cos i hurt her then and have since cos its shock ive got back in touch and shed moved on and forgotten me cos she had to as she left thinking i didnt love her.But its diff for me ive tried to move on but ive known i loved her and had to suffer on my own till i had to let feelings out im not normally one to hold feelings in as you see by way i just let feelings flow out here sorry about mes being too long but did then cos i was being sub thinking of her feelings before my own

Are you stalking her, years after the event? Get a grip and move on!