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| LeatherKate |
Tags: Derby (DE)
~smiles gently~
I once wrote a post on being a leather grrl, re: Link here to relating blog, if you're interested. I was asked to write further on it a while a go. I decided to tie two blogs in together, as they relate in a metaphorical, sentimentally silly deep sort a way. ~s~
Coming out of a dark phase is almost like inhaling fresh fragrant flowers after not doing so for what feels like an eternity, or fighting the dark and peering at the vibrant sunshine after having your eyes closed for so long, it's blinding.
The feeling is penetrating and refreshing.
I find it comforting that even within such darkness magnificent beauty can also be drawn. Even within it beauty seems to never be far away, possibly the peg that held it together when it was tough, the star that guided you to remember at the end.
Everything is a process leading to a product; a goal, an end, a desire, need, lust or dream. A repeated process.
It's how we deal with that process, the journey that you take. Left or right, which path leads to which colour… Black or white. Left.. into the darkness, a sweeping cloud that attaches rudely to your inner being, swallowing you down into a pit that blinds you from consistancy.. or a ray, soft and gentle upon your flesh that it's blinding presence guides you to a stronger, better place... Right.
Enlightenment…spirituality... Belief... faith...
All in which strike fear and panic... the unknown, vulnerability... it's these that force us to take challenges that rock our bones, push our faith, test us... our need to reach the highest point, the dream that is our fairytales. Struggles and tests… struggles and tests.
TRUST.
Strong enough to live from the inside out... Can you wake and see your face in the mirror and smile back at the being before you… the person who you aspire to be... or can the darkness allow you to lose yourself in the night, looking back at somebody you deny yourself to be... can you ignore the mirrors taunt…
Taunting, poking, laughing, teasing..
Picking, scratching, crying.
A falsehood.
Natural beauty… even in sorrow, curled lips, soft eyebrows.. withdrawn features, tired eyes.. Still in it's all it weeps a beautiful story.. a narrative to who we are.
The darkness forces you to ignore the life behind each coloured eye... to forget by its thick blanket. An inner child waiting for the sun to shine to play in the garden of sand, their hand waiting to be taken, led into a place they don't know nor care of, tightly squeezing to be sure that where they go, it's safe.. aimlessly wandering, connected.
Passion from the lover that aches to satisfy the hungry demon within, bourne from lust, fierce rage and love... the darkness forces confusion, hurdles to barracade the process... to stop the process. ..
is your passion stronger than that.. can you sip a little and swallow the truth into your soul and stand it's poison.. are you strong enough to stand and fight for what you feel..
Does the mirror respond. She asked.
Energy, balls of emotion.. clouds of overwhelming sensitivity.. colourful and gentle, inviting.. as it's safe wave of warmth it washes over.. does the mirror reflect what you so desperately wish to see?
Even in the darkness, beauty emerges like dandilions blowing in the wind painted on the canvas, hung on the wall in your mind, like a light, catching your eye after every thought and fighting for you even when you have no room to try...no strength to cry.
Coming out of the darkness is as frightening as it is falling into it.. the process just as challenging yet somewhere inside as you take the steps toward rehabilitation you find peace. . Humble peace.
How does this tie into what makes a leather grrl different?
I decided to add the above as a creative piece on my feelings on dealing with being in my own dark place and my experience of that whilst also trying to show my response to what makes a leather grrl different as it sparked off a train of thought that helped a few things click into place for me.
I used to think that I couldn't class myself as a leather grrl. I felt uncomfortable with it specifically whilst I was having a rough time, loosing focus and falling off track. I felt that if I were truly going to consider leather as a lifestyle and myself as a leather person I'd have to not make any mistakes or fuck ups so to speak…the attention drawn to that as I made them frequently, the fuck ups, not mistakes. ~laughs~
Perhaps a naive assumption despite the many times I've been told different. How wrong could I have been? In considering being a leather grrl and writing this essay, it has opened so much understanding and contentment for me and for who I'm maturing to be..A step further toward something I'm aiming for in my mind, something I don't even know what it is yet… just something.
Being leather to me doesn't mean that you don't make mistakes and that you don't make bad choices. It means to me, that even in making them still, as everyone does in life's journey, it's how you handle them that's important.
To me it means that you strive to maintain a level of respect and honour in all aspects of your life, not just a few. It's how you take the advice, help and support of a friend or mentor when it's not perhaps what you want to hear, or how you make your choices and choose your directions in life. It's valuing yourself, respecting yourself and treating others how you would expect to be treated and embracing your passion looking it in the eye every day.
I find that in being leather I strive to look in the mirror and see what I ache to become inside, sometimes not liking the reflection I get back...To step back from the reflection and know that what I see is not masked by walls of protection but open and true. Honest. I really do find peace. I find myself feeling more and more like a leather grrl when I'm walking the walk, and enjoying the reflection in the mirror rather than shying from it and being unable to see it, allergic to the recognition of it.
On going on my experience of being apart of a leather family I feel that leather is a way of life that closes no doors to change. To be unafraid of making mistakes, truly enjoying the journey you're on and not rushing it, allowing it to naturally progress. Patient. It taught me to be compassionate and caring, forgiving and to unconditionally love and understand the true importance in that. A life that encourages you to think twice about the choices you make and to embrace binds so fiercely as if they were the most important things on earth... honour, truth, faith, loyalty, obedience… enough trust to maintain the serenading dance of BDSM interaction and the intensity of a M/s power exchange that ultimately defines the lifestyle into the category of leather in the first place and further embraces the notion of myself being a leather grrl.
Being a slave in leather is something I have much much more to learn about. Briefly touching on it I do hunger for more, but in that hunger and even in my need and longing, it's important to see a reflection that for myself I am able to peer at and be confident and content with it's portrayal before giving myself, fulfilling that hunger and taking that journey alongside the many others that I'm walking. Even in my hunger for it I still struggle as it Is one of the hardest journeys I've ever been on. However every step of it is worth it.
Being a grrl is just a definition of what I represent. A grrl is definition. that DK called it me, Being in-between. It could be perceived as a label but as described in my relating post, labels are something that I at times, take comfort from. It's no definition to my age although granted I am young. It's more definition to the role I play in this aspect. I'm a woman, not a girl… but a grrl all the same. It's merely an addition to what makes me who I am, or rather who I hope to mature further into. My end product.
Fitting the two together outlines the way I want to live my life. Some people love God, I'm growing into discovering my own Goddesses, some choose not to eat meat, others merely choose to have no boundries. As Sir would say, different folks for different strokes. Being a leather grrl to me is the nurting of myself to embrace my raw, primal instincts, to trust my gut and to breathe in the beauty of the world every day being thankful for the graces I have in the world and maintaining them. Cherishing them, respecting them and valuing their importance. To care. Amongst much much more that I've either missed out or passed by in my explanations, leather is art and a really fulfilling way to live your life if you're strong enough to do it.
I might flouder sometimes but I'm proud to be leather and to still want to aim to live my life that way, despite my mistakes and fuck ups, despite falling and climbing back up, I'm proud that I want to strive to be everything I can using the many many lessons that I've been taught whilst being apart of that leather home. There is so much more I could say, a thousand reasons for why being apart of a leather family has over this year become the most positive, influencial experience I've ever had. Too many to list them all, but I'm sure you get the general jist. I struggled to condense it this much!
So what makes a leather grrl different?
The way that she chooses to lead her life.
Hope all that made sense and I warned you it was silly deep!
Xx Katy.
Edited Tue 18 Nov 08, 8:38 PM by LeatherKate
| 18 Nov 08, 9:14 PM LeatherEagle UK(S), 7 yrs  |
Well said grrl...~s~ Be responsible before you act and take responsibility for your actions. Sometimes I liken our life to a martial art-- self respect, self discipline, honour and compassion all delivered firmly but fairly. The consequences of our actions, however, sometimes physically hurt like a Bastard...~s~. (refers to DK's big stick...~g~)
"Fear is the ultimate sensation" | ||
| 18 Nov 08, 10:03 PM LeatherKate UK(B), 4 yrs |
*nods in agreement* Thank You, Sir.
[=-Embrace the beautiful lies, the chronic insanity of the sane-=] | ||
| 18 Nov 08, 10:50 PM DKLeather  UK(S), 11 yrs |
~smiles softly~ you know my opinion of this piece Katy. It's good to see you thinking more deeply and rationally about things. Leather suits you... it's good to see you begin to grasp what that actually means to you, personally x Leather Family - Blog - Cmunch - Unfettered | ||
| 18 Nov 08, 11:56 PM LeatherKate UK(B), 4 yrs |
~smiles~ thank You, Sir. x [=-Embrace the beautiful lies, the chronic insanity of the sane-=] | ||
| 19 Nov 08, 1:13 AM prettyname UK(NW), 11 yrs |
"Being leather to me doesn't mean that you don't make mistakes and that you don't make bad choices. It means to me, that even in making them still, it's how you handle them that's important."
And that m'dear is the most important lesson of all A beautiful write up..xxx ~“Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus~ | ||
| 20 Nov 08, 12:58 PM Scribbles UK(RH), 4 yrs |
I've got to the bottom (it took me 2 days) but I need to read it again now before I can say anything intelligent about it! ... | ||
| 20 Nov 08, 4:04 PM LeatherKate UK(B), 4 yrs |
I'm sorry it was SO long!
[=-Embrace the beautiful lies, the chronic insanity of the sane-=] | ||
| 20 Nov 08, 4:04 PM LeatherKate UK(B), 4 yrs |
Thank you. xxxxx
[=-Embrace the beautiful lies, the chronic insanity of the sane-=] | ||
| 16 Jun 09, 10:12 PM Eustacia_Vye VE, 5 yrs |
This is surely just a very cryptic way of saying a leather grrl behaves like an adult. Edited 1 Jul 09, 9:36 PM by Eustacia_Vye |
