This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 12 Jun 09, 8:19 AM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs  |
God yes. This idea of taking on a sub to make them grow as a person is one of my pet peeves in D/s. All relationships make *both* parties grow, not just the sub in D/s. As an objective it's just not relevant. - Chris This is my voice, my weapon of choice | ||
| 12 Jun 09, 9:24 AM prettyname UK(NW), 11 yrs |
Absolutely.
Absolutely, again It's not always 'about' the growth, though the fact growth happens doesn't make it any less enjoyable to anticipate and watch, or gain. I know for me, my own growth, focus, endurance, overcoming the worst and hardest phobias etc etc etc as a result, has certainly had me fascinated at my own growth over many years.
So from the flip side of the coin and my own experience, it's certainly another angle 'on the whole' that is fascinating to watch happening to someone else, it doesn't mean that's necessarily the intention of it at the time, just one of the results of that intention, wherever that intention stemmed from. Win/win to me ~“Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus~ | ||
| 12 Jun 09, 9:32 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 3 yrs |
Some of us manage 24/7 in reality. It is only the material of fantasy if you approach it like that. If you see it as a way of practical living, it is easy for it to work as such. And yes,in answer to the points made about'growing' IMO, growing is a physical stage,something we stopped doing when when hit our twenties. What we do through all our life and relationships is a mutual process, call it progress through life, maturing, developing better understandings of ourselves and others, but not 'growing'. Especially not when it is always the poor weak, helpless, useless, inadequate, socially inept sub who does all that learning and growing under the clearly perfect and all knowing dominant. What piffle. All those subs should be superhuman, mensa ranked and candidates for the nobel prize with all they have learnt from Dom/mes. I learn from all people in my life if they have something new to each me. I limit myself, though not in a restrictive, and unfulfilling way, when playing with or using my sub. I know what I feel happy and comfortable doing with him and that is different to what I might feel is right with someone else. The limits are self imposed and are not always the same. In imposing limits upon myself, I am thinking of many things at once, how I feel on any given day, the short and long term effects of any play with or treatment given to my sub. It is a shifting, flexible set of limits which work inside of me. 24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them. Edited 12 Jun 09, 10:00 AM by Ms_Valentine | ||
| 12 Jun 09, 1:22 PM x_TigerLily_x UK, 3 yrs |
I used to have that situation with someone I was with before, the only thing I found was that 'Red' is so universally accepted that if you scream it during play your intentions are pretty clear. I think I resorted to 'Give me a safe word and I'll use it' at one point too! I suppose a gag would clear this issue up but I find if something happens and you truly want out then not having a safe word won't stop you from making this known and the person you're playing with would be irresponsible not to heed your stream of profanities on some level, even if just to pause and discuss the issue. I've found the only way the 'no safeword' thing has worked for me is with my Dominant now, which is odd seeing as I do have a safeword. It's because our relationship has been carefully built up and I find that if he's doing something I find hard I never even consider my safe word in pretty much all circumstances. This carefully crafted trust and desire to please is like a self imposed absence of limits. | ||
| 13 Jun 09, 9:06 PM CommanderBondage 3 yrs  |
Previous thread on same topic: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/236347/4/... The Commander
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| 23 Jun 09, 10:02 PM hiddentreasures UK, 3 yrs |
I'm personally keeping my safe word but i try really hard not to safe and to endure as long as possible. I hate having to safe out and don't do it very often. | ||
| 23 Jun 09, 10:40 PM locked_balls UK(B), 3 yrs |
I think everyone who wants to live has limits. Personally I would also quite like to keep my testicles, if I didnt have limits I'm sure there would be a lady willing to try a castration ! Mistress Rouge doesn't use safe words just her judgement and it does work. She's had me screaming like a girl and making noises I've never ever made before, if we had used a safe word I wouldn't have reached such euphoric heights. | ||
| 30 Jun 09, 7:30 PM silaster UK, 7 yrs |
This is also my view. Having read this thread, I can't imagine going into a scene and saying 'I have no limits, except for....death, limb breaking, leaving me at the side of a road in a strange country....etc etc. Some people may have differing views on what constituits limits and differing views on when it is safe to say 'no limts,' such as within a club or with someone they think they can trust. A sub with no limits scares me, a Dom with no limits, in my view, is someone I want as far away from me as possible. |
