This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 10 Jun 09, 4:51 PM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs  |
No limits play does not mean doing everything and anything to a submissive, it means doing anything a dominant wants. Because this is a concept integral to the dominant point of view in D/s, it's perhaps unsurprising that it's difficult to see if looked at from a submissive's POV. As a dominant the point of 'no limit' means precisely that a submissive won't suddenly try to stop in the middle of play regardless of how much they dislike what is happening. They will not do so because of mental bondage and because they have given their word that they will not, and I trust the people I play with to keep their word. That doesn't mean they can't tell me when they are experiencing physical difficulties or even psychological difficulties - though IME the concept of 'psychological harm' is often used as an excuse in these types of discussion for people who can't image ever trusting someone enough to let go of their deepest fears and allow someone to do things to them that they hate. This is what actual no limits is, the understanding that the submissive has no say in what goes on, not that I might murder them. Most of the examples given by people explaining why 'no limits' does not exist are redundant when put in the correct context. I would appeal to people to try and remember that the experience of D/s is not the same as for everyone or necessarily the same as their own. Generalisations like the 'Everyone has limits' meme don't hold up when one considers the full breadth of how people behave. - Chris This is my voice, my weapon of choice | ||
| 10 Jun 09, 5:43 PM prettyname UK(NW), 11 yrs |
There is a God! Thank you ~“Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus~ | ||
| 10 Jun 09, 6:57 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs  |
If a sub were to dictate what sort of play they will endure, yes... it would be Topping from the bottom. However, if the sub knows their dominant well enough, and feels comfortable enough to relinquish their limits (because they know their dominant wouldn't want to test those limits anyway), the sub no longer has a need for limits and the dominant dominates. "Truth is stranger than fiction." | ||
| 10 Jun 09, 9:06 PM fearfreak UK, 2 yrs  |
i don't think i could ever truly enjoy playing with limits or any kind of safeword ... i don't want that power or that control. I want to simply endure and attempt to cope. kx | ||
| 10 Jun 09, 9:33 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs |
There'll be no holding back the boys, now!!! All I'll say is.... be very careful what you wish for.
C x
"Truth is stranger than fiction." | ||
| 11 Jun 09, 7:12 AM subfreddy UK(SA), 4 yrs |
I once gave my safeword to my Mistress as a birthday present. She was overjoyed with the symbolism of this and She knew that She could then play with me as She wished. | ||
| 11 Jun 09, 9:13 AM cane_toys_required UK(TA), 3 yrs |
Greetings, It depends on the relationship, I mean if you are full time then you accept punishment from Master or Mistress without question. This is largely due to the fact that trust has been built up over time and that as a slave, should you displease your superiors you know the correct level of punishment shall be given. There are time when limits must be exceeded to be a true punishment. | ||
| 11 Jun 09, 9:13 AM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs |
The phrase I have difficulty with is “because they know their dominant wouldn't want to test those limits anyway”. I have a few thoughts on this: 1) They're setting themselves up for some problems should their understanding of each other not be very good. 2) Psychologically how does this feel like 'no limits' to the submissive? How does it feel any different from giving a set of limits and finding out that they just happening to be ones a dominant is not interested in exceeding? The psychological impact of surrendering absolutely is one of the most important aspects of 'no limits' for me: This doesn't seem like it would have that impact 3) This scenario would not feel like 'no limits' to me either, It's more like 'no limits tested' play. It would be like saying a ship is unsinkable because you don't intend to hit icebergs, travel too fast or sail in seas that are a bit too choppy. Icebergs aside, the analogy I prefer to draw is between 'no limits' and monogamy. Someone who has promised fidelity could always sleep with someone else – indeed their might well be many people on the planet who they would be more sexually attracted to than their partner. But just because they could sleep with others doesn't mean that they are not monogamous. Instead monogamy is (in principle) something they intend, is what they have promised and what they will try to stick to regardless of feelings they might find otherwise overwhelming. - Chris
This is my voice, my weapon of choice Edited 11 Jun 09, 9:14 AM by Backdooruk | ||
| 11 Jun 09, 10:32 AM Search_Scout UK(HD), 4 yrs |
I think having No Limits is important, maybe if the Top is new there may be room for some, but I think any responsible person getting into this should have the brains to get into it slowly at first. I think a safeword is more of a distraction for the Master, or may put him/her in a comfort zone so that he may just push and push till he hears it, rather than working on creating his/her own "sixth sense". I believe a safeword puts the bottom in control and it shouldn't be that way. | ||
| 11 Jun 09, 6:38 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs |
I was, of course, speaking from my own personal experience of having a sub who had no limits with me... Dominants also have limits and I know what mine are, we had discussed our limits (both his and mine) and found they matched, therefore there was no need (in our relationship) for the sub to have any - it still left me with plenty of scope to enjoy the things I desired, I wasn't deprived, only depraved. Simply because two people have "matching" hard-limits doesn't mean that the sub gets an easy time of things, there were things that he didn't like that I did; having no limits doesn't remove everything, only the things that neither of us were at all interested in... I took what I wanted when/how I wanted e.g. he didn't like chastity but suffered it because I wanted him to, he didn't like to be anally fucked but, he was. He was mine to use as I wished, just as any other sub would be. Yes, it's easier to submit to things that are not hard-limits and not all my subs have been/are fortunate enough to not require a list of hard-limits and they will be tested; when they trust me enough and consent to being tested.
However, I am not much into BDSM (being neither a sadist nor a masochist), I enjoy D/s... so my style of domination is probably what hardcore BDSMer's would consider to be "soft".... this does not diminish the control I have over those who submit to me - there are ways and means. "Truth is stranger than fiction." |
