I Can't Cope (9)

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fyrephin
Posted by fyrephin on Fri 31 Oct 08, 11:09 PM

Stress. Illness. Tiredness. Not enough time in the day.

You hand in one piece of work, there are always 3 new pieces to do every week. There are class tests. Exams. Tutor meetings. Advisor meetings. Welfare people chasing me.

There's a social worker who wont understand there is no more time between 9-4 to see him!

There's hospital appointments, which means everything else gets missed.

There's pain. Somedays I can't write, or use the computer.

There's a flat to clean. Cooking and shopping to do. Washing. And no energy to do it, and too much pain if I try. And no HomeCare service arranged yet. What a surprise.

There's depression. Hating the world. Hating yourself. Hiding away and missing more lectures and wasting more time that you don't have.

And there's terrible terrible loneliness. Not being understood. Not being part of any crowd. Spending each night at home, by myself, save for occasional visits from happygiant and my friends I talk to online. It's like a gaping hole, which gets bigger and bigger every night.

Oh and there's the "flu and stomach bug" which has been haunting me for over 6 weeks.

There's 4 years of this... as someone just said - sounds like a sentence.

Great.

Edited Fri 31 Oct 08, 11:12 PM by fyrephin

Replies

31 Oct 08, 11:11 PM
Iona_O
UK(SS), 2 yrs

I wish I could do more than just listen. I hope it helps to know how much Simone and I care about you
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig hugs
Proud owner of Miss_Simone_I
Love me - love my cat
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. (I must try to remember that )

31 Oct 08, 11:21 PM
cybertrucker2006
UK(B), 3 mths ((((Hugs)))) You can do it. Yes, it'll be hard, but you can do it. You can do the Uni work - you're the cleverest person I know (apart from me, of course! )
Depression can be a bastard. I know, I've had brushes with it myself, the worst culminating in ten weeks off work a few years ago. But you will get through it. As for the loneliness, you may be alone but you needn't feel lonely. You have lots of friends - not all of us are close enough to be able to pop in for five minutes on our way home from work, but you still have our friendship.
Remember that we all love you. Your friends online and in real life love you, I love you, and at the risk of appearing to be a 'Holy Joe', God loves you. With that much love surrounding you how can you possibly fail?
Stick with it babe. Oh, and on the subject of cleaning the flat, in my experience, after three weeks it doesn't seem to get any worse...

31 Oct 08, 11:24 PM
Grownup_Frankie
11 mths
Sometimes I think that I can't cope. And then I just think 'I cant cope today'. Tomorrow I'll cope again. But today - today is a day off. Today is official Non-Coping Day.
Well. f*cks sake, there's a Day for everything else, so why not!
You don't even get a medal for coping. Coping is overrated.
Its a strange, perplexing, puzzling, sometimes distant world we live in.
...The alternative is worse.

We're damned if we do and damned if we don't...So we might as well do.

31 Oct 08, 11:34 PM
fyrephin
UK(B), 4 yrs
Y!
Thank you guys, I know you're all there supporting me. I just sometimes wish there was someone *here*. Sometimes a hug is nice. Sometimes its all that's needed.
And yes, I'll see what tomorrow brings. Roll on the pagan new year, lets see if it improves this time round.
You gave away the things You loved, and one of them was me

31 Oct 08, 11:46 PM
MissKitty
UK, 7 yrs

*hugs* I wish I was there to help you through in person, I do understand and you'll be feeling a bit brighter soon, I know you will. Ups and downs... and right now you're down - just ride out the wave.
Keep your chin up lass, you can do this. Just be stubborn and don't give up!
Miss Kitty =^.^=
www.cloven-heart.com
"It's better to be hated for who I am, rather than loved for who I'm not"

31 Oct 08, 11:55 PM
Wicked_bbwGoddess
UK(EN), 3 yrs
I understand about depression and Uni. I do hope you begine to feel much brigter soon, and that the darkness lifts, into a bright blue sky for you. We have to take one day at a time.
Take care.
Goddess.

1 Nov 08, 1:09 PM
SubGreedyGirl
UK(E), 3 yrs
Y!
Take one day at a time, you can do it. May be hard at times. You may have alot of tears, tantrums, and 'why the fuck am I doing this' moments, but you will get there in the end.
Slutty slut from slutland.

1 Nov 08, 8:46 PM
GazUK1963
UK(B), 3 yrs
Dawn and I hope to see you for a hug and a chat next week.
Gary x.
Everyone who lives dies, but not everyone who dies has truly lived.
When you're tired of The Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar you're tired of life!
Official member of The Tribe....
Member of the Midlands Maffia

2 Nov 08, 11:11 AM
Scribbles
UK(RH), 16 mths
People who are in ideal circumstances nearly all feel a version of what you're describing in the first term - given how much more you have to get done as well, it was almost a dead cert that you would feel like this. That isn't meant to sound callous, I just thought that maybe knowing that the shape of what you're going through is recognised and felt by others might help.
It won't feel like 4 years of this. You will find ways of coping, you will get on top of it all, if it's the right thing for you to be doing. Best of luck with it all...


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