Posted by janiya
on Sun 26 Oct 08, 2:03 PM to janiya's blog.
For the first time, i have wanted to find a place where i could go and visit Thomas. There is no grave... the water is inaccessible now... i want somewhere that i can go to and have a jolly good natter with him. After my Nain passed, i used to go and sit by her grave and talk for ages with her about this and that about 6months after she passed. It gave me a special place... a private space to share and reflect.
There are a couple of places here in Sweden and also in the UK that hold such happy but simple memories. One is cafe is Wales that we used to go to in the winter on a Sunday morning... it had a real log fire and i would have hot cinnamon and honey milk and he would of course have coffee. It was snug and warming. I have always been wary of fire and the power of fire, but Thomas was always so comfortable with it. There is somewhere here in Sweden too but i'm almost a bit scared of going there. Of course the appartment is full of memories, especially where the sofa is where he was taken poorly, but i need to find a happy, warm place...
If things had been the other way around, i think Thomas would have dealt with everything better than i have done to date. I am getting there, it's just taking so damn long! I need to find the strength inside of me to keep going and fighting for what it is that i want.
Edited Sun 26 Oct 08, 2:20 PM by janiya
