Addictive and Non-Addictive kinds of Love? (14)

This post is on the D/s Relationships web board.

Wed 22 Oct 08, 6:22 PM
Grownup_Frankie
11 mths
I was just sitting here having my pancake, icecream, and maple syrup when I began to think of love as addiction. Its one of my mad brain scientists moments. You see, it wasn't my first pancake, icecream, and maple syrup of the day.
It was a conversation with self that went something like -
Alternative Frankie: Why are you so strict with yourself on not having 'casual' play nowadays, you used to be much more fun when you were younger you know.
Mouthful of pudding.
Frankie: Its because I've got my primary partner and I want to feel an exclusive kind of love for her, I don't want to be pulled in two directions, and, dammit, alternative frankie, I don't love...'less wholeheartedly'. And play obviously has taken a lower priority with me these days, it fits in (or not) with the loving relationships I already have and hold dear. My kind of love is 'devotional'.
Mouthful of pudding.
Alternative Frankie: you mean you're addicted to the people already in your life, don't you?
Mouthful of pudding.
Frankie: Whaddaya mean?
Alternative Frankie: Well, you give it such grand airs and graces, this 'being in love', being a moon around a fantastic planet, but isn't it just that you have an addictive personality? And thats just as true in how you love as in any of your other tastes?
Frankie: Show me some concrete evidence to support your preposterous claim.
Alternative Frankie: first you were addicted to white rum, then you weaned yourself off that by going onto chocolate milkshakes, then you weaned yourself off them by going onto coffee. Now you drink gallons of coffee a day instead of gallons of chocolate milkshakes, instead of gallons of white rum. The point I'm trying to make is about excess. There are those who can pick a person up, enjoy their taste, but put them down again. And there are those who get hooked just on the taste of one person in their life, because they are predispositioned to addictive behavior.
Frankie: Hummmm. I wonder what others might think of this view. It seems very reductionalist and 'bare boards', it lacks poetry. But I can't dismiss it out of hand. There may be some truth in it.
Finished pudding and licks bowl clean.
...Well?
Might there be some truth in it?
We're damned if we do and damned if we don't...So we might as well do.

22 Oct 08, 7:12 PM
Kitti_Whitaker
2 yrs
For me it's always addictive, difficult to find and then almost impossible to leave. It's not love though (in my case) it's more about trust at a very primary level.

22 Oct 08, 7:21 PM
MissKimberley
NL, 5 yrs
£
There's definitely truth in that. Surely the highs (and the lows) shared in love are something not experienced in any other way.
"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made." Marquis de Sade

22 Oct 08, 7:28 PM
impresskitt
UK(NN), 3 yrs

I'm with alternative frankie on this one, as i'm nearly up to quota on my gallon of coffee .

22 Oct 08, 7:31 PM
ropeburn
BE, 7 yrs
It was suggested in 1970's land that there are 3 'types' of love. Roughly speaking these are:
limerence: the honeymoon, head over heels, infatuation stuff
Loving attachment: the love that sticks and is what exists in a solid and settled relationship (your addictive love?)
unconditional love: the kind we have for our kids, parents, immediate family
As ever Wiki has a thing or two to say about this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limmerence

22 Oct 08, 8:17 PM
The_Quiet_One
UK(IP), 8 mths
Commitment to the person* you love is a good thing. I'd be worried if I found I could substitute my partner for white rum or coffee though
Everyone's emotions change over time, but I think the difference between the 'pick up and can put down' lovers and the 'addictive personalities' is about their commitment and self-knowledge more than their nature.
Is your pudding bowl half full or half empty? (ETA: it's completely empty, I missed that)

*Or people.
Edited 22 Oct 08, 8:29 PM by The_Quiet_One

22 Oct 08, 8:23 PM
CPeccavi
UK(L), 10 mths
Monogamy is sublime
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. ~Ferdinand Foch

22 Oct 08, 8:26 PM
Avralivia
UK(RG), 18 mths
Y!
Anything that feels really damn good can be addictive.
Plus love gives you a rush of hormones that feels fabulous in the early stages.
Love can be addictive, but so can ice cream, and its always best not to eat the whole bowl at once and save some for the next day, right? because otherwise the next day were craving ice cream like mad, but it's all gone...
(waffles on)
So yes, it can be addictive, it can be a lot of things, as long as you dont lose total control tis all good I think
Senno Ekto Gamat

22 Oct 08, 8:29 PM
Grownup_Frankie
11 mths
Limerence - falling in loveness. I'm liking this scientific word. I shall write it down on my mental blackboard (when I'm in mad brain scientist mood I come complete with blackboard and chalk. Its my kit.)
I lack limerence!.
Woe, woe is me.
-(NOT NOW Pantomime Frankie!)-
I noticed that 'lack' several full revolutions of the moon ago. I understood the value of the kinds of love I do have in my life - the other two, and I'm pleased that I experience them. But limerence...well, where will it lead that I would actually want to go?
I want passion and excitement. Yep. But do I want drama and radical (alchemical) change?
Not particularly.
Hummm. What do I want most?
I'm rambling.
Ramble ramble ramble.

We're damned if we do and damned if we don't...So we might as well do.
Edited 22 Oct 08, 8:30 PM by Grownup_Frankie

22 Oct 08, 8:52 PM
Degenerate
UK(M), 22 mths
OO heck don't get me started...
What - only three kinds? I am sure I feel a few more than that... thoough it's nice to think all of those on the list are present in my life, despite some recent loss.
When it comes to these conversations about love I being to feel like an alien as it seems to mean something different to me as to others... but then do others all see it different ways as well? Maybe.
Mind you I am not necessarily as up on love and being loving as usual following a recent let down by someone who was important to me.
Addictive? I don't know... irresistable? Definitely. For me at least, when the capacity is there.
De
21st Oct - Come on the demo against the porn ban and for sexual freedoms: http://www.caan.org.uk/updates/Action21Oct.html .
Sign up to CAAN's statement - http://www.caan.org.uk
Sexuality - strong and warm and wild and free, Sexuality - your laws do not apply to me (Billy Bragg)
Edited 22 Oct 08, 8:53 PM by Degenerate

22 Oct 08, 9:24 PM
Count_Olaf
UK, 8 mths

If your postulation is correct Frankie, then those with highly addictive personalities would make better romancers, surely.
Would you, therefor, conclude that someone who is alcoholic and heavily into narcotics would be more addicted to there partner than someone who shows fewer signs of addiction.
I think, perhaps, that Alt. Frankie's theory opens up a whole other issue of what we consider to be addiction.
There are those who cannot bear the possibility of missing an episode of Eastenders. Those who have OCD. Those who must go to the gym on a daily basis. Those who must make lists for everything...etc...etc
To add to this, you say your love is 'Devotional'. Perhaps this is an addiction, but one embarked upon by choice.
Finally, why do you suppose that for those who are not devoted to a single, significant other, but rather prefer to "pick a person up, enjoy their taste, but put them down again" (presumably, multiple others) are any less addictive in their behavior? Perhaps it's just a different drug?

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