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What About Me? (5)
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Posted by fyrephin on Mon 20 Oct 08, 12:13 AM
Isn't it funny how some days, although you appear to be having fun, and everything seems to go well, it can leave you with a very sour feeling, and actually quite left out even if you seem to be in the middle of things?
That was BBB today. I knew it was going to be a busy day, even more so than usual, given that my Uni's FetSoc was going and I wanted to socialise with and "look after" them and a couple of other newbies and "shy people", as well as old friends to spend time with and new ones to meet.
I seemed to spend the day running around between groups, checking everyone was ok. I also seemed to spend the day acting like a Domme and repeating to everyone "I am NOT a Domme" despite having a sub at my feet and on my lap at various points, sucking nipples and clawing people with my lovely sharpened finger claws, and generally giving attention to everyone else!
But... I am a sub. I really wanted a strong Dom/me there. Someone to look after me, someone to pay me some attention and someone to be there with, to shop as a couple, to meet people together, and not leave me feeling ever so alone when different groups went their separate ways. Ok, so usually I am with happygiant, but we are just friends, he has his own things to do, but that didn't help the feeling of the fact that everyone else seemed to be "together", even just as potential couples or close friends.
It left me really thinking and wondering today, if being "on the Scene" is a good thing for me? I outwardly portray Dommeliness, when I am really not inside, perhaps as a self protecting mechanism, that doesn't exactly give the best image to potential Doms...! I just seem to see everyone else in their pairs, and I do feel empty for it. It's not like I'm desperate for a relationship. But I wouldn't say no if the right "one" came along. Yes, I am lonely sometimes, but a very close friendship would tick many of the boxes I need - friendship, company, someone to share my life with, have deep and intimate conversations with. I do have lots of friends on the scene I guess, but nobody "close", nobody really who I socialise with outside of events except for happygiant.
Oh and sorry to everyone I missed, or only said hello to in passing - I would've liked to have spent a lot more time with so many people!
It's my birthday Friday and I am celebrating it at Impulsion @ Caesars. I will have a re-think afterwards whether I am in the right place to be still going to events. Heck there are no single Midlands Doms anyway right? There certainly aren't any at the munches (many cute girls though!).
So... What do I do? What about me?
Edited Mon 20 Oct 08, 12:41 AM by fyrephin
Replies
20 Oct 08, 12:22 AM
Iona_O
UK(SS), 2 yrs
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Start by working out what kind of Dom you want to attract, what kind of Dom would make you happy, what kind would be good for you - just one Dom not three unless that's what would float your boat.  THEN be yourself. Be the you you are on the inside not what everyone else wants you to be. You won't be happy if you aren't true to yourself. Practise saying No - real friends will understand. You need time for yourself so you can't always be running round after other people. Let them fend for themselves sometimes
Before leaving the scene ask yourself what are the chances of you finding what you want outside of it
Love and hugs from Iona and Simone Proud owner of Miss_Simone_I
Love me - love my cat 
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. (I must try to remember that )
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20 Oct 08, 1:31 AM
neptunescb6k
UK(DE), 6 mths |
ever heasrd the phrase "the true domme will cum through"
or "the reluctant Domme"
wish i had a pound for ever female browbeaten,steriotyped or just plain expected to be a sub----- when really within lurks a read hard domme. |
20 Oct 08, 1:39 AM
fyrephin
UK(B), 4 yrs
Y!
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Firstly thanks Iona and Simone - I do already know what I want, and I will blog about it one of these days!
As for being a Domme... you have me wrong. I'm very Dommely in my outgoing persona (even in a vanilla setting), always have been, tried it for a while (and felt very uncomfortable), do the occasional Sadistic Top bit when there are cute ladies around, but deep inside me is the sub part which is what I need and actually enjoy but only appears for a few Dom/mes. You gave away the things You loved, and one of them was me
Edited 20 Oct 08, 1:40 AM by fyrephin
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21 Oct 08, 12:18 AM
Mimi_69
UK(CB), 5 mths
Y!
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***thinks, it was my nipples that received a sucking!**
I didnt make any assumptions on what your chosen path was but i enjoyed the fact you had a little play with me!
You cannot change your personality.... its the perceptions of people around you who make judgment...
do a threadkiller... make up a t shirt.. i am not a dom! |
21 Oct 08, 8:49 PM
fyrephin
UK(B), 4 yrs
Y!
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Mimi_69 wrote:
***thinks, it was my nipples that received a sucking!**
I didnt make any assumptions on what your chosen path was but i enjoyed the fact you had a little play with me!
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Well... one of the sets of nipples anyway! And I loved playing with you, don't get me wrong, that wasn't the point I was making. Just I wish I had what I really want sometimes.
Oh and yes, I did think about a t-shirt, but really, I prefer my corsets and I think others do too  You gave away the things You loved, and one of them was me
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